


Pyrohydriscence

by SeedSerotiny



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Chapter 10 is the sexy one, Chapter 16 is the sexier one, F/F, Fluff, Human AU, Hurt/Comfort, Lapis gets a DUI, Past Abuse, Past jaspis, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-05-06 04:14:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 50,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14633865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeedSerotiny/pseuds/SeedSerotiny
Summary: Lapis loses everything: her car, her apartment, her sense of control over her own life... and then she gains a roommate.





	1. Chapter 1

She lay there, enjoying the warmth of bare-skin on bare-skin and the fuzzy-clear feeling in her mind. Well, if she was being honest, it was mostly fuzzy. Her mind started to drift off into that pre-sleep world of half-logic and flights of fancy–

"Oh no, none of that!" Said Jasper, rolling into a sitting position and disturbing her bedmate's comfort.

Lapis popped her eyes open. "What."

"I said none of that! You can't stay over. I have work in the morning."

Lapis's eyebrows furrowed in disbelief and cold anger. "Jasper, I'm drunk as hell. I can't drive like this."

"That's not my problem! You snore like a warthog. Get an Uber." The tall woman reached down and handed Lapis her wadded up clothes and her bag, which contained her keys and phone.

The smaller woman snapped upright. "Ugh! You're an absolute savage!" Jasper smirked and shrugged. Lapis scowled, snatched her stuff, and stomped out of the room, slamming the flimsy bedroom door.

In silence she put her clothes on. A heat was creeping up into her face and ears. Shame. That's what she felt. She kept coming back to this stupid apartment, this stupid woman, those stupid bottles of bitter beer. Identifying the feeling somehow made it worse. She choked back angry tears. How could she end up in such a downright pitiful situation like this? How did she end up so trapped in this damned cycle of instant gratification and childish decisions?

While she derided herself, her body had taken her out of Jaspers apartment and out the door of the complex. She fished her phone out of her bag. Her dead phone.

"You're kidding," she said. "You're absolutely shitting me."

She looked at her car. Maybe she could make it. It's dark, but not late enough for the after-bars-close cops to be out in force. She took some steps, gauging her drunkenness, hmming like a scientist. Yeah, she could make it. Her apartment wasn't that far. I mean, she'd be going under 50 the whole time. It's not like it was a route she hadn't taken before. Drunk driving was a stupid as hell move but… she was in a bind. She would absolutely NOT beg Jasper to let her back in.

She got in her car, turned it on, and took a breath. It's gonna be fine…

\----

It was fine. She'd made it this far, with only a block to go. A giddy, spiteful feeling bubbled up in her chest. This felt like a victory she had won over her serial-sex-friend. Serial-sex-frenemy?

No, definitely serial-sex-enemy.

This called for a celebration. Lapis's mind wandered to the box of cigarettes she kept in her glovebox. A guilty pleasure which she couldn't resist after a few drinks. The increasingly sober part of her brain told her to wait until she was home. The still drunk part wanted a smoke, damnit.

She leaned over, taking her eyes off the road to find the glovebox latch in the dark.

It happened fast. There was a sudden crunch and a dizzying change in velocity. Lapis felt her stomach and her soul shoot out of her body in opposite directions.

"Oh no, oh fuck, oh god." She scrambled out of her car door. There were prayers sent off to a number of gods, just in case.

"Oh, come on!" A shrill voice exclaimed. The other driver. "My bumper stickers..." They met eyes.

"I'm so sorry, I..." She felt like she was floating. Her legs wobbled.

The strangers mouth fell open softly. "Are you… drunk?"

There was right no way to answer that question. Fortunately, she didn't have to. The conversation swiftly ended when the back of the strangers car began reflecting alternating red and blue lights.

Fuck.

\----

A little bell chimed as Lapis walked in. She wondered if that was supposed to be charming. She looked around the office. The decor was rather… busy. There were knick-knacks of all shapes, sizes, and values on a mish-mash of bookshelves and tables. Lapis checked in and found a chair. At least the chairs were all the same. A portrait of a lady with an impressive amount of curly hair hung opposite Lapis's seat. This place was not at all what she was expecting. Shouldn't it be a stuffy office or something? She absent-mindedly wondered if the last few months had been an elaborate prank. What a lovely thought.

The only other person in the room was a young boy, playing a bulky Gameboy. That thing was probably older than he was. Lapis felt a clutch of nostalgia for the good old days of limited colored screens and struggling to find adequate light sources to play by. Ah, sweet inconvenience. The boy looked up and met her eyes. She made a face. The kid smiled and made his own. They had an epic battle of facial contortions for an embarrassingly long amount of time. Lapis felt herself having more fun than she had had in a while. A cynical part of herself pointed out how absolutely sad that was.

"Miss Lazuli?" A older man's voice called her.

She straightened her face and looked up. The most Dad-like human being she had ever seen was standing in the entrance to the hallway at the back of the waiting room.

"I'm Greg Universe, right this way."

Lapis followed after the impressive ponytail that dangled under Greg's bald spot. Together, they walked down a line of office doors. Soon, they had reached the end of the hall and entered the last office. Greg's office was even more cluttered then the reception area. How? He had another picture of the long haired woman on his desk, but this one was a photo. A much younger Greg was smiling along with her. It looked like they were at the beach.

"Nice to meet you! So, here's how this stuff works. I'm just the middle-man; I'm here to get you set up with a permanent therapist. Your probation officer recommended that you…" Greg sat down behind his desk and flipped through a stack of folders that were seemingly tossed onto the desk from some unseen three point line.

"I'm the DUI." Lapis said dryly.

Greg looked up, embarrassed. "Right. So, your P.O. mentioned that you'll be tested to make sure you're not drinking, right? Well, we find that people that end up in trouble usually have something going on in their life that just quitting their substance of choice doesn't fix. That's what we're here for!"

Lapis stared at him blankly.

"Ahem, so uh, can you tell me a little about yourself? Anything you want to request in a therapist? Lots of women ask for a female doctor, for instance…"

"I just mess up. A lot. I don't care who sees me."

"Mm…" Lapis noticed he didn't start writing anything down, like she expected. He only gazed at her with concerned interest. "Do you work? Are you in school?"

The world's worst questions. Her fussy probation officer had made it very clear that she should employ herself as soon as possible. "I recently dropped out."

"What was your major?"

"Bio." She didn't want to be here. Maybe short answers would get her out of the office quickly.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty-three," she said to the window.

There was some drumming of fingers on the desk, and then Greg smiled like he just remembered a funny joke.

"I think I know just the person for you."

\----

Lapis looked down at the appointment card in her hand. She'd come in in about three weeks for her first session. After that, she'd go weekly until her P.O. was satisfied. Lapis felt the hole burning in her wallet like a physical pain.

Thankfully, the bus stop was a short walk away from the building which contained Greg's office. Public transportation in this city was generally a garbage fire. She hadn't noticed before.

"Hey!!!" Lapis flinched, an arm thrown up over her head in an awkward pre-karate chop pose. "Waiting room fun buddy!" It was the Gameboy kid, walking up to the bus stop. He held a bag of chaaps.

Lapis relaxed and smiled. "Hey."

"I'm Steven! Steven Universe." Lapis's eyes widened a notch. Another 'Universe'? Does that mean… "You met my dad today!"

Sure enough. "Call me Lapis." She said. Steven hopped up on the bus stop bench, sitting right beside her like they were old friends, and not like she was a weird adult stranger that he met in a shrink's office. His open heart was charming.

Steven settled into kicking his legs and finishing his chips. Lapis leaned back against the bus stop shelter, enjoying the easy company. Her eyes itched. It had been a long day. And it was about to be longer.

"You look so sad." Steven said, looking at her with more concern than she felt she deserved. Her face must have betrayed her thoughts. She fantasized about hanging it for treason.

"I'm just… thinking about my to do list."

"What do you have to do?"

Oof. "Well, for starters, I need to find a cheaper place to live."

Steven gasped. There were almost literal stars in his eyes. "Oh my gosh!"

Lapis leaned sideways, squinting into the blinding light of his joy. "What?"

"My friend needs a roommate! She just switched jobs a bit ago so she needs help paying rent! Plus she's the best, so she would be a great roommate! Well… she's a little messy, and loud, and sometimes she's mean without meaning to be, but…"

"Oh uhm…. I don't know if I should move in with someone I've never met. Besides, I'm not really a people person."

"Oh, yeah, I understand." His face fell. He had obviously already imagined years of incredible friendship between the two of them.

In disbelief, she listened to herself ask, "How much is rent?"

Steven looked tentatively hopeful, "Three hundred dollars a month."

Oh. "…can you give me her number?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peridot's loft.

Lapis found herself standing in front of a warehouse-cum-trendy loft building. She double-checked her phone. Among the memes, she found that this was definitely the address Steven sent her yesterday. How the hell was rent only 300 dollars? 

She waited for a while for Steven to show up. It wasn't in her to meet a stranger by herself. Honestly, it wasn't in her to live with a stranger by herself. But that gloriously low rent… that would buy her enough time on her meager savings to find a decent job. A shudder ran down her spine. "I can't go back to retail," she muttered. Those were dark days, surviving high school and working for the devil wearing human flesh. Dark days...

The flip flop of flip flops announced Stevens presence before his voice did.

"Lapppppyy!" He yodeled, before wrapping his arms around her middle. Lapis was surprised that they were already on hugging terms. She hugged back with a small smile. This fourteen year old was probably her new best friend, if she was being honest. 

"Call me Lapis."

"No prob, Bob!" He replied, holding her hand and leading her into the front door of the building. She thought about correcting his misnaming a second time but… she could be a Bob. New life, new name. She thought about the possibility a little too seriously while she was dragged up creaking sets of staircases. 

At each landing was two doors. As they kept climbing, Lapis mentally dragged all her stuff up the flights. Ugh. At least she didn't have much to her name. Just what could fit in a one bedroom apartment. They finally stopped at the fourth and last floor. 

Lapis felt a little like puking. She didn't know why she was so nervous. There was very little chance that she was going through with this crazy plan. But she was a little desperate.…

Steven fished a set of keys out of his backpack, which Lapis somehow just noticed was in the shape of a giant hamburger, and inserted one into the lock. "Peridot!! We're here!" He called in lieu of knocking. After a few seconds of listening for an answer, he turned the key and pushed it open.

The first thing Lapis noticed was the sheer amount of space. The ceilings towered above, sporting exposed ducts and support beams that would make any hipster swoon. The walls were brick, unpainted and unplastered, and the floor was an expanse of low-quality but real wood flooring. 

To her left there was a simple small kitchen, settled in next to what appeared to be a small room that was installed when the building was converted into living space. A bathroom? To her right, there was a lofted area. Up top there was an old couch, a tube TV, and some garage-sale-looking shelves that contained a bunch of VHS boxsets. Was she moving in with an old woman? Some sort of 90s nostalgia gremlin? Underneath the loft were some hanging shower curtains that functioned as room dividers. Between a gap in the… rather eclectic collection of curtains, she saw a simple bed with a green comforter. At least that was relatively normal.

Across from the front door, under the large windows that took up the majority of the far wall, was a rather high-end computer set-up that reassured Lapis that her possible new roommate wasn't a time traveler. Sitting at the desk, oblivious to the newcomers thanks to a pair of headphones and some sort of strange video game, was Peridot. 

Lapis first thought was that they were obviously not going to get along. Peridot sported a short-sleeved collared shirt that seemed to fit the short woman too well, like it has been tailored, and not, say, bought second-hand for a few dollars like Lapis's boho skirt and bomber jacket ensemble. Her blond hair was cropped short, and some sort of product (is that mousse?) shaped it into a neat point atop her head. Her pants looked ironed. The overall effect was one of a few too many fucks given. An over-abundance of fucks, even. And Lapis put a lot of effort into not giving any fucks.

And her place! This woman had the most misplaced priorities. Her loft was amazing. A little gentrification-y, sure, but that wasn't its fault. But, in all this potential, Peridot had done hardly anything by way of decorating. Everything seemed to serve an immediate purpose and nothing beyond that. Ugh. It was the worst kind of minimalism. 

Nope. Can't do this. Time to run. 

But Steven had other plans. He ambled up to Peridot and waved a hand in front of her face. "Periiiii, come back to Earth and meet Lapis!" He said. Peridot only jumped a little bit, before taking off her headphones and hugging him before even saying hello.

"Steven! Where's your friend?"

"Oh, she's still by the door, scrutinizing everything. Lapis! Come over here!"

She came over there, reluctantly. Peridot stood up and offered her hand for a formal handshake. "A pleasure to meet you."

Ugggggggh! Lapis just stared, unblinking, until Peridot awkwardly gave up on the greeting.

"Heheh, so, Steven said you were looking for a place to stay. I'm not really a… roommate person–"

"She stayed with me for a little bit, once," Steven chimed in, "she basically held up in her room like she was a prisoner. She only came out when I was cooking."

Peridot blushed. "BUT ANYWAY, my job pays less than I'm used to, but I don't want to give this place up. I think I could find a way to make it work. Based on what Steven's told me about you, you don't seem like a half-bad roommate so, heh, I hope you like the place."

Lapis wondered what Steven could have possibly known or said about her roommate habits in the few days they had known each other. Maybe he was one of those freakish intuitive people that could figure out someone's vibe quickly. Or, more likely, he was a soft-hearted, trusting young man that saw the best in people, and believed they were all fundamentally good deep down. The poor naive soul. Lapis vowed to protect him with her life. 

"The place is beautiful," she had to admit, gazing up through those wide windows into blue sky. 

But it still contained a huge nerd. She shot a glance toward Steven, who was smiling encouragingly, and not picking up on the fact that Lapis was regretting even coming here.

"Wait, where would my room be?" Lapis said. Maybe it's across the hall or something. Maybe the room she assumed was a bathroom is a hallway to her own private Shangri La.

"Heheh, about that," said Peridot, "that's kind of why I set the rent so cheap. You can claim whatever space you want, but there's not really any separate rooms…"

"Yeah, that's not gonna work." Lapis replied.

Steven looked heartbroken. "Awwww, but it was going to be like, a sleepover all the time."

Lapis didn't know how to start explaining why that sounded very much like hell on Earth.

Peridot just stood there looking like a slightly embarrassed and freshly kicked puppy. 

With a sigh, Lapis tried to let her down easy. "I'm just… a private person. No offense." It's not you, it's me, I just need some space, etc. "Thanks for like, giving me a chance, it is a really nice space, I just…" Peridots face melted into a pitiful frown as she turned her offer down. Steven must have really nailed the sales pitch. She turned to Steven. Oh no, another frown. And one she cared much more about.

Time to run from all this emotion. Lapis turned tail, speaking over her shoulder. "I'll see you guys around, I got a lot to–what is that."

Some sort of… plump animal was blocking Lapis's escape.

"Oh, that's just Pumpkin." Peridot replied, acting like that answered the question. The short girl walked past Lapis and scooped up the animal. It started emitting some sort of soft crunch-bark as Peridot scratched its head. "Do you want to hold him? I promise he won't bite."

Lapis nodded, and, suddenly, a soft orange cloud was cradled in her arms. It was a rabbit, upon closer inspection. But it really did look like some sort of living pumpkin. Or a loaf of pumpkin bread. Pumpkin began to inspect Lapis's chin with a tiny, quivering nose.

"Steven found him and gave him to me. He's a mess, but a lovable one, at least."

Pumpkin seemed to decide Lapis smelled like a friend and settled down in her arms. She reached up and scratched him between the ears, like Peridot had done. He made that sort of crunchy noise he was making earlier. "What is it doing?" Lapis asked.

"Oh, that's a happy noise. He likes you!"

As if in agreement, Pumpkin gave Lapis a few tiny licks for her efforts.

The universe seemed to swing around on a new axis. Her heart felt suddenly warm. Buoyant. What was happening? A lump formed in her throat, like feeling was trying to bubble up and escape from her fluttering stomach. Pumpkin was so soft, and warm, and beautiful. An oasis of purity and light in a world of darkness. 'Bunny' said a childlike voice inside of her. 'Bunny bun fluff butt bunny honey bun bun hun.'

Lapis realized she was utterly and irrevocably in love.

"When can I start moving in my stuff?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I found out Pumpkin was a she after writing 90% of this fic so... Pumpkin is a boy in this AU.
> 
> Also he's a rabbit cuz bunniiiieeess!
> 
> (I have two rabbits. They make terrible pets. I would die for them.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> House rules.

"House rule number 5: don't break my shit!" said Peridot.

Lapis hmmed. "Sounds reasonable. House rule number 6: I'm redecorating. Around your stuff, of course."

Peridot considered that for a moment. "That's not technically a rule. But fine. I reserve the right to veto any outright awful decorating decisions."

"Deal!" 

Lapis stroked Pumpkin on her lap. Steven has gone home and left the two new roomies to negotiate some terms. They sat at the kitchen table where Peridot was taking notes on some printer paper. It was very official. So far, Peridot wasn't nearly as obnoxious and uptight as she had assumed. She wondered why her appearance was so deceiving. Maybe Steven picked her up at the shrink's office as well, and she had a dark and tragic past. Had she been indoctrinated by a cult of white-collar demons? It was probably impolite to ask. 

"House rule number 7: no wild drunken parties with a bunch of cloddy strangers. My home is my oasis," said Peridot.

"Erm." Lapis suddenly remembered that she was on probation. Was she like, legally required to admit that to any roommates? She'd rather not. "Let's just turn that into 'no alcohol', if that's okay." 

"Works for me."

Lapis released a held breath. That was easy. Nice.

"House rule number 8: if you're late on rent, I'll start showing you pictures of Steven crying," Peridot said with a playful smirk.

"You monster!" Gasped Lapis. "Why do you even have those!"

"I don't, but, if I want some, I'll just have to show him one of those videos of pets being reunited with their owners after long absences. Easy."

"I will be turning the rent in early every month. You fiend."

Peridot just beamed and wrote that rule down.

What the hell. Are they… getting along? Was that a moment of chemistry and easy banter?

"I can't think of another rule," said Lapis.

"Hmm. Me either. We will leave these open to amending, just in case."

"Sounds good. I should really get going for now. I need to finish packing and do some errands, etcetera."

"Alright. It was nice to meet you, Lapis!" Peridot smiled, big and genuine. 

Lapis gently put Pumpkin on the ground and bolted.

She stood outside the door, fighting a panic attack. Breath in. Breath out. Relax. It's all good, man. 

Somehow, something about possibly getting along with another human being—that wasn't Steven—was absolutely terrifying. 

As her breath started to resume normal rhythm, she wondered what the hell that was all about. Her attention swung to the phone in her purse. A reflex in times of stress. She wanted to check it. She wanted to check it for texts from Jasper.

Ugh! She had blocked that number for months now. The day after her accident, she told Jasper to fuck on off right out of her life and ceased all contact. Lapis knew she was a toxic person. It was like she actively encouraged all the worst things in her. Lapis's anger, her impulsivity, her basic selfishness and impatience... 

But… Lapis had to admit, it was a two-way street. A dark part of Lapis thrived on it. Jasper would piss her off and she'd explode, hurtling abuse and plates in all directions like a cyclone of unbridled shittiness. It was a twisted kind of liberating. And Jasper would just laugh it off. 

Fundamentally, Lapis didn't trust herself to be close with someone again. 

And now she was going to live with someone. Someone she might actually get along with. That's pretty damn close.

Well, that explains the panic attack. 

Lapis gathered herself. It was too late to run screaming for the hills now. She'd have to get over her neuroticism.

For Pumpkin, at least.

\----

"Happy move in day!" Crowed Steven. "Enjoy your new home! Bye!"

Lapis waved goodbye and he saw himself out. She immediately toppled backwards onto her bed. "My new home," she mumbled. More like her new… place-she-lives-now-due-to-drastic-and-unforeseen-life-changes. Yeah, that sounded better. At least in her head—it probably didn't sound great when spoken out loud. A bit of a mouthful, it was. 

Luckily, she was too exhausted to be depressed about the larger situation at the moment. Steven had showed up to help, thereby rescuing her from certain death. That boy was surprisingly strong, honestly. The movers she had had to pay—no license, no renting a u-haul allowed—had unceremoniously dropped everything just inside the door. 

Lapis flopped her head sideways and surveyed the fruits of her and Steven's labor. Using a bookshelf, a thrift store room divider, and her dresser, they managed to erect a sort of semi-private Lapis Zone. It was as far away from Peridot's "bedroom" as possible, which wasn't very far at all, but it was something. At least she could change clothes over here without giving her roommate an eyeful.

It definitely wasn't sound-proof. though. This mattress was probably not going to see any action in quite a while. Not that Lapis was really up for anything like that. The option would have been nice, though.

Lapis suddenly realized that, in the week or so since they met, she had never asked if Peridot had a significant other.

Oh no. What if the nerd has an active love life? She just assumed nobody in their right mind would fall for someone who wore grandpa shoes and unironically styled their hair like an early 2000s middle-schooler. 

She decided to unbox her headphones as soon as she could. Just in case. 

Her mind drifted to what else she should unpack first, and how she was going to go about decorating, and what kind of jobs she should start applying for, now that she had burned through a good chunk of her savings during the move. 

So many decisions to make. Lapis felt an exhaustion in her mind that matched the exhaustion in her body. It was all just a lot, lately. A good long rest would be nice. A good long rest was nearly vital, to be honest. She closed her eyes, listened to the unfamiliar sounds of the building and the nearby streets, and let herself drift off into blissful unconsciousness. 

\---- 

The tinks of cutlery on dishes roused her from her slumber. "Guh," she said, looking for the source of the disturbance. It was darker now than it had been when she fell asleep. By crawling to the end of her bed she could spot Peridot in the kitchen nook, stirring an unidentified dish.

"Good morning," said Peridot, without turning around.

"How did you know I was awake?"

"You stopped snoring."

"Oh. Sorry, I…"

"Don't be sorry. It's kind of nice. Makes the place feel less lonely." Lapis saw the back of Peridot's neck and ears blush. "Eugh, sorry, that's probably a weird thing to say."

"I don't mind," said Lapis. She really didn't. 

Lapis swung to a sitting position. She tried to tame her bedhead and slide more solidly into the Awake Dimension. 

"Hey, you want some spaghetti?" said Peridot, after a few moments of surprisingly non-awkward silence. 

"Hell yeah!" 

"Don't get any ideas now, I'm not going to be cooking you dinner all the time. This is special occasion pasta, not a soup kitchen for unemployed freeloaders. In fact, I order you to work for your food! Start up a DVD, peon!" Peridot shot a grin over her shoulder.

Lapis rolled her eyes. "Why don't you have Netflix like a normal human. DVDs? Are we going to watch them on your grandma TV?"

"I don't have Netflix because I am an intellectual who cares about the quality of the media she consumes, and that 'grandma TV' is an electrical marvel! You plebe!"

"Hipster." Lapis said, making it sound as disdainful as possible while she got up and started ambling to the loft and the grandma TV.

"Hipster? Me?? You have a blue undercut and two pairs of suspenders. You've managed to wear both of them in like, the four times we've hung out."

"You know nothing of fashion." Lapis decided not to mention that she had a third pair of suspenders. 

Lapis climbed the sort of… ladder-stairs into the loft area, where all the VHSs and, apparently, DV-hecking-Ds were kept. She browsed the collection. Hm. There was absolutely nothing recognizable in here. Lonely Blade, Crying Breakfast Friends, several things in other mystery languages... She noticed that Peridot seemed to have one show on VHS and DVD. Oh, there it is as a special edition Blu-ray. Jesus.

"What is Camp Pining Hearts, and why are you obsessed with it."

A strangled gasp came from the kitchen. "CPH is the finest teen romance-drama to ever come out of Canada. It is a work of high art."

"Uh huh."

"I wouldn't expect an uneducated rube like yourself to understand."

She called her a rube. That was uncalled for. 

She only put in the season one disk so she could exact revenge by dragging the shit out of Peridot's favorite show. 

The theme song started playing, in time with a video collage of scenes that served as the background of the DVD menu. Peridot peeped. "Don't start it without me!" She shouted, scrambling to put the finished spaghetti in bowls as quickly as she could.

Lapis watched the collage to pass the time. Based on that alone, this show was exactly what she expected, and also the worst that she had feared. It was also frighteningly Canadian. 

Peridot somehow made it up the ladder-stairs holding two bowls of pasta and handed one to Lapis without looking. She only had eyes for the screen. "Oh man, just wait, you'll love this." Lapis had her doubts. As the taller woman reached for the remote to press play, Peridot peeped again. "We almost forgot the most important aspect of the experience!" She said, crawling on her hands and feet over the edge of the couch.

Lapis prayed to whatever god was listening that her roommate wasn't going to put on some sort of cosplay to watch this show. 

Instead, Peridot returned carrying Pumpkin, who quickly hopped up in Lapis's lap. The angel. Lapis went to work petting him and listened to his rabbit-purring. This was definitely the most important aspect of the experience. 

Peridot joined her on the couch and pressed play.

\----

The credits of the first episode rolled. Peridot looked at Lapis, expecting a review. "So…?"

"… more."

"That's what they all say," said Peridot, grinning like she'd just won several lotteries. "Just wait, season one isn't even the best one! The show starts hitting its stride with the first finale! Season two will change your life. Then, well, the quality goes down again for a little. Pacing issues. But I mean, it figures, their best writer left the show. It was heartbreaking. But then they get some fresh blood, and BAM! Stellar. Enthralling. Just wait until they introduce the best character—"

"Shhhh, no talk, only episode two."

Peridot made a face like cutting of her monologue was a task of extreme effort. "You're right, you'll see that all for yourself. I mean it's obv—"

"Shh! More!" Lapis said, bapping her on the side of the head.

The physics of Peridot's hair were something else. 

Peridot shielded her head, frowned like a turtle, and pressed play. 

Soon they were finished with episode 3. Peridot pressed the power button on the DVD player. Lapis turned to her with an expression of horror and betrayal. "As much as I'd love to stay up all night bingeing the greatest TV series on this undeserving Earth, I have work in the morning," defended Peridot.

Oh right. Work. "Oh. Damn, I need to apply to jobs tomorrow, too."

"Godspeed."

Lapis sulked for a second. "Hey, where do you work anyway?"

"The country club."

That made so much sense. It was all coming together.

"Hey, what was that face," said Peridot, narrowing her eyes.

"Nothing. Just reacting to the fact that I share my place with someone that works for THE MAN."

Peridot lifted her nose in the air and crossed her arms. "You suffer from a misconception. I work for myself."

Just what a petit-bourgeois would say. 

After only a little more banter, they said goodnight. Lapis was only a little jealous that Pumpkin joined Peridot in her 'room.' She flopped onto her bed in her own nook. Contentment. That was the name of the emotion she was feeling. Relaxed even. At least in this moment. Huh.

She fell asleep in her new home.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Redecorating.

Lapis sat at the kitchen table, staring at her laptop. So many shitty jobs. So many nearly identical application forms. Why wouldn't anybody just accept her resume? It said the same stuff, dammit. Why wouldn't they?! Lapis vowed to destroy the institutions of modern capitalism with her own bare hands. 

With a jingle and a clunk, Peridot entered the front door behind her.

"Hey Lapis, how goes the job search." 

Lapis responded by dropping her head onto her keyboard and groaning.

"I see," said Peridot.

"I think I'm going to sell my blood. Or my body. Whatever."

"I think it's only fair that I get a cut of any business revenue earned in my home."

"Hm. Deal. Though you would be the LEAST intimidating pimp." Lapis turned around to see what kind of offended contortion Peridot's face was making. Peridot was very expressive, it made teasing her irresistible. 

The face was pretty good, but she was instantly distracted. "What are you wearing?" Lapis squeaked.

"Wow, rude," her roommate replied, explaining nothing. Peridot was not wearing her usual job-interview-chic ensemble. Her eyes were slightly hidden behind tinted safety glasses, and a yellow handkerchief was hanging around her neck like a scarf. Replacing her button-up was a long sleeved flannel shirt. And, instead of respectable pants, she wore well-worn jeans, and her shoes were less business casual and more scuffy, dirty work boots. Various amounts of dirt tied the whole outfit together.

"I thought you worked at a country club? You look like a farmer!"

Peridot smugly smiled. "You assume so much about the multifaceted and multitalented Peridot." She crossed her arms and took on a triumphant pose. "I work at the country club as a landscaper."

It just. Didn't make any sense.

"You playin'," said Lapis. 

"Nope. And while we're on the subject of each other's attire, I feel the need to say that you dress like an unemployed person."

Lapis looked down. She was wearing patterned Aladdin pants and no bra under her tank top. She narrowed her eyes at her cowboy-looking roommate. "Too soon."

"Is it? How long have you been unemployed?"

"Too soon!" Lapis shouted. Peridot just… laughed is not quite the right word... Peridot 'nyehehehed' and retreated to the bathroom. Presumably to shower. 

Lapis regained her composure at the kitchen table.

Her worldview had been too shaken for her to continue the job hunt. It was time to unpack some more stuff. She started with her headphones and various other electronic devices. A Bluetooth speaker, chargers for various things, etc. She shoved those unceremoniously into her nightstand. Next were the clothes that she hadn't already unpacked: things for when the weather warmed back up, nicer stuff for special occasions, etc. Peridot emerged from the bathroom in her usual attire about the time that Lapis finished packing the last pair of shorts into her dresser. Lapis scrutinized her roommate. Had she imagined the whole thing?

"Stop staring!" Peridot snapped.

Lapis snickered and returned to her work.

Soon, she had more empty boxes than full boxes. Nice. All that was left was making this place look less like the most boring Ikea catalog ever published. 

"By the way, you should keep any electrical cords off the floor. Pumpkin likes to eat them," Peridot called from her computer chair. 

That was very good advice. Lapis finagled her desk lamp so that it would be safe. She turned it on and aimed the blue light so it was at just the right angle for reading in bed. 

That reminded her. She unboxed her collection of manga and trashy romance novels into her bookcase. She peaked over the top of her dresser at Peridot. She must never know about these.

A few knick-knacks later and she was satisfied with her space. Now it was time to colonize.

The first order of business was more seating. Lapis dragged her prized bean bag chair to a place underneath the windows. Peridot appraised the new edition. 

"Don't you dare veto this." Lapis said, shielding it with her body. Peridot sighed and looked away.

So far so good. Time for some wall art. Lapis was pleased to find that there were several nails already drilled into some of the mortar between the bricks. She had no idea how she would have installed those things otherwise. She started with some paintings, added a clock, and hung up her prized set of elk antlers. Those things were a steal at an antique mall.

By this time Peridot was just observing as Lapis worked, forgetting whatever she had been doing at her desk. She gazed at the elk antlers for a significant amount of time.

"Care to share your thoughts, scrunchy face?" Lapis asked.

Peridot just hmmed and stood up. She jaunted under her bedroom curtains. A moment later, she came back and hung her own addition on the brow tines of the antlers. It was a green alien mask, one of those stereotypical ones with the big eyes.

"You're an artist," said Lapis, stars in her eyes. Peridot smiled and disappeared again under the curtains. She returned carrying an old aquarium, complete with pump and light.

"Do you want this for on top of your dresser?"

"Uhm, absolutely." Lapis was already daydreaming about what kind of fish she wanted. "What else do you have tucked up your sleeve?"

Peridot shrugged, then fetched the greatest treasure of all. A Camp Pining Hearts flag. Full sized. Lapis touched her hands to her cheeks in exaggerated awe. 

An hour later, and the flag waved proudly from an improvised flag post they constructed behind the sacred couch of CPH watching. Peridot was putting the finishing touches on a painting of Pumpkin, which Lapis had instructed her to paint, on the back of Lapis's bookshelf. Various knick-knacks adorned the top of said bookshelf, several magnets had been added to the fridge and, as a final touch, Lapis pulled a table cloth over the dining table. It had little Autumn leaves on it. Never mind that it was late winter, colorful leaves are timeless. 

Lapis and Peridot backed away from their work for a better look. Lapis grinned. Now _this_ was how a loft belonging to hip twenty-somethings should look. She snuck a peak at Peridot.

Peridot smiled crookedly. "This place looks ridiculous." 

"In a good way?" Lapis inquired. She honestly didn't want to force Peridot into anything. Even if it was objectively fun and cool.

"In a great way." The crooked smile turned to belly-clutching laughter.

Lapis laughed too. That was a great way to put it. "Hey Peridot?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to watch Camp Pining Hearts?"

"Absolutely."

\-----

By day five of living together, they had already settled in to a routine. Lapis would spend the day trying to reassemble her life by browsing job listings and showing up to a few places to beg. When Peridot got home, dirty and smelling faintly of sweat and grass, that meant it was break time. One of them would cook dinner, usually Lapis, since she felt bad when Peridot cooked after like, actually working all day. Then the two of them and Pumpkin would sit on the couch and forget all their problems by immersing themselves in summer-camp-themed teen drama. The rhythm of those few days was therapeutic for Lapis. Normal, predictable, safe.

But today was her first day of actual therapy. Lapis groaned. She was rather fond of forgetting she had problems for a little while. This dumb therapist was going to just bring them back up. Bluh.

She found herself back in the waiting room with the painting of the lady with the great hair. It was a little surreal, honestly, that she had been here only three weeks ago. It felt like a lot had changed—she had a new Steven, a new roommate, a new home... Time was being weird on her. Greg came in and called on another woman in the waiting room. He and Lapis exchanged a smile and a wave. Steven had mentioned that his dad was really happy that Steven found a new friend in Lapis. Another trusting Universe. She wondered what his mom was like. Steven never talked about her. 

"Lapis."

Oh boy, her turn. She turned towards the low voice. It was a tall black woman, older than Lapis, who wore sunglasses and styled her hair in a modern, sort of squared off afro. Lapis followed her to her office.

The office was just as intimidating and classy as the person that occupied it. The nameplate identified her as Dr. Garnet. 

"Hello," the therapist said, smooth and deep, "I'm glad to meet you, Lapis Lazuli." 

"Hey." Lapis was rather reluctant to open up. A childish part of her wanted to be petty to the doctor for interrupting her comfortable strategy of ignoring her troubles.

Garnet just sat there, her hands folded, with an air of infinite patience and acceptance.

"Uhm, aren't you going to asks me about my feelings, or something?"

"Would you like me to ask about your feelings?"

"Well, honestly, no."

"Hm," she said, gently, with a head tilt and a smile.

Something strange had happened in that office after that head tilt. Suddenly, it was 50 minutes later. Lapis found herself unable to stop the deluge of speech coming from her mouth.

"And, oh! Don't get me started on my mom! You would not believe. It was like she was made of rock, for all the emotion she showed me. But everyone else! And especially herself! She had sooooo much pity and care for herself and those she actually cared about. Which was hardly anybody, and it certainly wasn't me.

"Maybe that's why I act like a child so much of the time, you know? I didn't get to be a tantrum-throwing, selfish kid. Its like I had to begin life as a self-sufficient adult. It sucked. And what did I even get out of it? A few reckless decisions later and I'm basically back to where I was right after high school, except with more student loan debt. If we want to really talk about feeling out of control, we should talk about debt! I-"

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but our session is about to come to an end," said Garnet. "Thank you for all that you shared with me. I look forward to seeing you next week." She handed Lapis an appointment card.

Lapis blinked a few times. She mumbled a few thank yous and drifted out of the office and back into the waiting room. Magic. That was the only explanation for what happened in there. Some sort of powerful sorcery. Lapis took stock of her emotional state. She wasn't mad about having to come there anymore. She was sort of emotionally drained, and a little scared that she had poured so many personal thoughts out on a stranger but… she felt lighter too. Like she left something back in that office that she had carried in.

Lapis decided not to think too much about it. She boarded the next bus home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Garnet and writing Garnet.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Camp Pining Hearts Season 1 finale

Peridot was still at work when she got home. Today was Friday, though, so the next two days would be her time off. Lapis wondered if she was going to get anything done with her roommate home. So far, she hadn't had any callbacks on her applications. It was really too early to worry about that, but, since she was starting to like Peridot, she felt like she should probably definitely get some money coming in sooner rather than later. She had savings, still, which would cover the first month, but she didn't have much after that. The responsible part of her wanted to keep on the hunt for a job every day until she landed one. 

She wondered how long it would take. Lapis had a decent resumé: some college, some job experience, and, thankfully, her DUI didn't count as a felony, so she didn't have to put it on her applications. Of course, she couldn't work anywhere that served alcohol, so her options were limited. Pretty much any kind of restaurant job was off the table, for example. 

She half-heartedly submitted her resumé to another coffee shop. Lapis was definitely not just sitting around waiting for Peridot to get home. Nope. 

The sound of keys in the lock brought her back to attention. Pumpkin scrambled off the beanbag chair and waited by the door. Lapis tried not to think too hard about the fact that she and Peridot's pet seemed to share the same level of excitement about Peridot's impending presence. 

She entered behind a stack of pizzas. What a splendid human being. "I hope you like mushrooms," she called out, plopping the boxes on a kitchen counter. Lapis loved mushrooms. Now that her hands were free, she gave Pumpkin a good ear scritch, went to the fridge, and popped open a soda. "Happy Friday!" She announced, making a 'cheers' gesture and heading off for her daily post-grimy-job shower. "By the way, you owe me for one of the pizzas, free-loader!" She shouted through the door before the sound of running water kicked on.

Lapis groaned dramatically. She thought she almost heard her roommate's signature nasally snicker through the walls. 

When Peridot returned, Lapis was ready on the couch with Pumpkin and two plates of several slices of pizza. "Season 1 finale!" She yodeled when Peridot joined her on the couch. She was surprised that her vertically challenged roommate had changed right into some comfy pajamas, rather than her usual post-work attire. Her pants had little aliens on them. Lapis coveted them. 

"Prepare yourself. Not everyone can survive exposure to the sheer amount of talent that went into this episode," Peridot said ominously. 

Lapis clenched her fists and took a deep breath. She closed her eyes for a moment as if she was centering herself. "I think I'm ready."

Peridot nodded solemnly and started the show.

Approximately 44 minutes later, Lapis sat with her arms wrapped around her knees, enraptured, shaken. "What. You mean… this whole time? And that part with Paulette, and Pierre, oh my God."

"I knoooow!"

"We must start season 2 immediately." She began to rummage for the second disc set. She smiled. This was much better therapy than… actual therapy. 

"Hey Lapis?" 

Oh, maybe not. Peridot's voice sounded serious, and not in the usual hammy way that meant she was playing it up for the effect. Lapis turned around. Her roommates brows were furrowed, and she looked right into Lapis's eyes. "Yeah?" 

"Who's your favorite character?" 

Lapis punched her in the arm.

"Ow! What was that for!" 

"For being such a damn nerd. And hm…" Lapis pondered a moment. "Paulette, I think."

"What!!"

"What?"

"Paulette is by far the weakest character. I don't know what Percy sees in that… sobbing magnet of misfortune."

"Well, she _is_ kind of hot."

"Well, yeah, but they have no _true_ compatibility. It's like the writers are forcing the relationship at every turn. Percy wastes _so_ much of his time protecting Paulette and performing these romantic gestures. I don't think she even comprehends how much he does for her. Take, for example, season 1 episode 4, when they have the archery competition—"

Lapis tried to look like she was absorbing anything Peridot said after that. These speeches tended to have momentum; it was easier to let her finish than it was to try to stop her. Besides, Peridot looked so sad and embarrassed when she realized she'd been ranting. Lapis occupied herself by getting up and putting in the next disc. She found herself enjoying the relaxed atmosphere. Yeah, she sincerely doubted she'd get a lot done this weekend. 

By the time Lapis tried to return to the couch, Peridot had worked herself into a lather. She gesticulated, lying on her back, sprawled across the couch. "And then, in episode 7! Blurgh blurgha blurrgh," she said. Or something like that.

The tiny woman was somehow taking up the whole couch. 

Lapis responded like a rational adult and flopped backwards onto the middle seat, crushing Peridot underneath her back in a surprisingly comfortable lounging position. Peridot gurgled and sputtered. "Hey, don't let me interrupt. Episode 7, right?" Said Lapis. She grinned as Peridot "Tiny Hands" Pumpkinmom struggled in vain to escape. 

"Behemoth!" Peridot screamed, managing to wiggle her torso free and beginning to push on the side of Lapis's head and arm. 

"I am 5 foot 3, you hobbit."

Peridot's wriggling and slapping was starting to disturb her lounging. Lapis grabbed both of Peridot's wrist and held them in one hand. This was the first time Lapis had ever had size as an advantage in a tussle. The power was going to her head.

Some of the noises that Peridot made in response were not quite human, but they were quite entertaining. Lapis didn't realize she was laughing gleefully until she snorted. Oh no. She just gave the enemy ammunition.

Peridot inhaled a breath, no doubt locking and loading a sick burn.

"I'll let you go if you don't say whatever it is you're about to say," interrupted Lapis.

Peridot calculated the costs and benefits of that proposal for a moment. "I accept your terms."

Lapis released her, just in time for the theme song to end and the show proper to start. Peridot settled into her usual sitting position with a huff.

Lapis pretended not to notice that they were still technically touching.

\----

Yep, Lapis got absolutely nothing productive done that weekend. And she had plans for this one. The fish tank Peridot had given her was all set up now. They were definitely going to have to go to the pet store to pick up some aquatic residents. And Steven wanted to hang out, too.

But for now, it was still Friday afternoon, and she still had to finish out her second session with Dr. Garnet.

"It was my fault, really, I initiated casual physical contact first. Now, between Steven, Peridot, and Pumpkin, I get no moments of peace. My space is no longer sacred. Yesterday, I was reading in a one person bean bag chair, and suddenly I had a rabbit and a house elf reading over my shoulder. Reading is not a team sport. She made me wait to turn the page until she caught up. Who does this?!" Lapis ranted.

Garnet chucked, "I understand completely. But, I have to ask, does this contact really bother you? Communicating boundaries is very important in close relationships."

Close relationship was a little strong. I mean, she'd known this group of people for what… 4 weeks now? Way too soon for close relationship status. For sure. "Well, I don't know, it's different than I'm used to." Honestly, Lapis was more familiar with being touched in a much different context. 

"Forgive me if I assume too much, but I think it's possible you're enjoying the affection. Based on what you've shared with me, you're overdue for some healthy friendships."

A tactical strike. Lapis wasn't used to being read so easily, either. "I mean, it's not… unpleasant, to be touched. I just. I don't want her to get any ideas or something."

"Hm." The head tilt. 

"That just sounds like some awful drama, having to reject Peridot if she makes a move or something. We live in like… the same room."

"Hm-hm."

Lapis looked at the diploma behind Garnet's head. "Now that I say it out loud I feel silly, or like, vain. Like I expect anyone I'm around to want in my pants. God, what am I even talking about? I think Peridot would gnaw off her own arm before making me feel any negative emotion on purpose."

Garnet blinked. Maybe. The glasses made it hard to tell.

"I can't believe I actually wasted time sort of worrying about that. Why am I so uncomfortable with… comfortable situations? It's like I look for some hidden fucked up shit in everything. I mean, most of the time I'm right, but still. Steven trusts so much, and it seems to make him so happy. I kind of envy that."

"You shouldn't."

"Huh? Why?" Lapis was baffled, it didn't seem like a therapist to talk negatively about trusting people.

"You do trust." 

Oh, she got it now. Well, kind of. "What do you mean?" Lapis was pretty damn sure that wasn't the case.

"You sincerely believe that Peridot wouldn't hurt you." 

"Oh... Oh."

Garnet gave her a small smile. 

"I don't know how to feel about that," Lapis admitted. 

"Take as long as you need to process. Our session is almost over. We can continue this conversation next week, if that's something you'd like to do."

It was Lapis's turn to hm.

\---

Lapis stood at the bus stop outside the clinic. For the first time in a while, she was really craving a drink. She dug her nails into her palms. She felt floaty, off balance, standing there, waiting for the bus. The shitty part of her started mapping out liquor stores that might not card her, bars she might be able to get into without flashing an ID. She wondered which bus lines would take her there. Her phone had a handy app for that sort of thing.

Her phone beeped. She thought of Jasper. 

"Tell my baby angel Pumpkin I'm on my way home to him and I have baby spinach. Also hi Lapis, I guess." It was Peridot. 

Lapis looked at her phone for a while. The bus pulled up. She got on and rode it home. 

\----

That stupid therapy session made Lapis start paying attention to her feelings. She didn't want to be caught off guard like that again. She would get so good at emotional self-awareness that that smug therapist wouldn't have anything to hm about. That's right, she would become a paragon of maturity out of pure spite.

But that whole process kind of sucked. If she hadn't been paying attention, she wouldn't have noticed some things, like the way she would feel a smile bubble up when something happened that she wanted to tell Peridot about later. She wouldn't have noticed how her body relaxed when she leaned into her on the couch, and how much fun she had during their many battles of wits. She wouldn't have noticed how her ridiculous outfits, the way she always spoke with her hands, and her nerdy-ass hobbies were becoming sort of endearing despite everything Lapis stood for. When the interviews started coming in, despite the massive amounts of relief she felt every time she got a chance at a job, she felt agitated when they took place while Peridot was off work. Yeah, she would have much preferred to not have noticed any of those things.

She didn't know how she felt about those feelings. Periods of relaxed contentment were punctuated by periods of existential panic. Lapis felt like this all would have been better if it happened several years later, after she had time to untangle all her baggage. But she couldn't just ask Peridot to leave and come back later when she felt ready to interact with someone on a non-superficial level. 

And besides, there was one feeling she could easily identify:

She didn't want any of it to change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally some god damn fluff.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A heart to heart

But change happened anyway.

"I can't watch CPH until 1 am tonight like usual," Peridot informed Lapis. "Some old friends want to catch up. Try not to cry the whole time I'm gone."

"I was thinking I was going to sing some hymns, or some like, triumphant opera, but whatevs," Lapis replied. It would probably be good to have a little variety in her Friday night plans for once. Maybe she'd watch a show that sane people watched. Maybe she'd even… go somewhere fun by herself?

She ended up mostly chatting with Steven online and painting her nails while she watched YouTube cooking shows. A night well spent on all accounts. 

Part of her thought about staying up until Peridot got home, so she could make sure she made it home safe, but she really doubted her roommate was the type to get in any trouble. She was probably bowling or something horrible like that. Lapis fell asleep dreaming up ways to make fun of bowling. 

She woke up to the sound of the door opening. She rubbed her eyes and slapped at her nightstand until she found her phone. 3 am.

"Damn. Must have been some party!" she joked.

Peridot squeaked. "No…"

"No?" Lapis flipped on her lamp and scrambled to the end of the bed. Something was off here.

"I thogt. You'd be asleep." Peridot was frozen with her arms slightly raised, like a cartoon burglar. 

"Oh my goodness," Lapis figured it out. The guilty demeanor. The slightly off speech. "Peridot! You're drunk!"

"No!" Peridot yelped, unconvincingly.

Lapis found this fact utterly hilarious. "I didn't think you drank! What did you have, a wine cooler? You weigh like what, 10 pounds?"

"I do sometimes," Peridot explained, only slurring her S's a little bit. "And I had 3 beers…"

"Wow. The whole night? I figured you were a lightweight, but damn."

"Hey, I'm a… a cheap date. Saves me money."

"Gasp. Was it a date?!" Now Lapis was really intrigued. She transferred to a rapt sitting position on the edge of her bed. Over the weeks Lapis came to the conclusion that Peridot was just as celibate as she was.

"Wha! No! It was my friends from my old improv club. A party."

"A party? And you didn't even invite your dear, charming roommate. I see how it is."

"I knew you couldn't come."

Lapis was not ready for that response. "What."

"Youer on probation, right? No bars."

The air was suddenly sucked out of the room. "Who told you?" Lapis heard her voice come out lower and more threatening than she intended.

"Nobody, it was pretty obvious. The no alcohol rule. It seems like you reset your social circle resen'ly, probly cuz they all drank or somethin'. Steven tends to make friendss with people from Greg's office. You don' have a car in a city with the SHITTIES' public transportation, yanno. You got a DUI, right?"

Lapis felt her pulse pound in her ears. She waited to reply until she knew she could control her voice. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Peridot looked sad. "I thought you'd tell me when you were ready."

"What were you going to do, pretend to be surprised when I said something?"

"Uhm." 

Lapis got to her feet. "That's so! Dishonest!"

"I'm dishonest?" She snapped. "You-!" Peridot stopped herself mid-sentence, closed her eyes, squared her shoulders, and took a breath. Lapis wondered if she was counting to ten.

But just before Peridot composed herself, Lapis saw something she hadn't expected. Peridot had a temper. An intense one. It seemed like Peridot had taken a lot of steps to tame it, but Lapis could tell in a brief moment of Garnet-like intuition that it was once something that was quick to surface, well-practiced, and dangerous. Lapis thought of her own temper. It was icy, cold, a whirlwind of unfocused destruction and self-destruction. This wasn't like that. She thought of pointed fangs, sizzling heat, and deadly precision. A high powered laser to Lapis's howling storm.

Lapis's own anger drained out of her.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have yelled," Peridot said with a steady voice. "I'm not good at these kind of conversations, even when I'm sober. I know your life is none of my business, and I feel childish that this bothers me but, I thought we were becoming friends, and I wish that…" She paused, blinking. "I'm sorry, I'm trying to be emotionally vulnerble… vulnerable here, and you seem pretty distracted. What are you doing."

Lapis wasn't looking at Peridot. Actually, she was trying very hard to avert her gaze as much as possible. "Nothing." Her voice squeaked out, a little too high pitched.

"Are you… upset? You don't look upset."

"I'm not, I just." Lapis felt the blush start spreading on her traitorous cheeks. She bit her lip.

"Oh my god." Peridot looked at her incredulously. "Did me getting mad get you hot?"

"Noooo!" Lapis buried her face in her hands.

"Bwuh! You twisted degenerate! In my own home!"

"I'm sorry! I know, there's something wrong with me!" Lapis laughed. She couldn't help it. She had peaked through her fingers at Peridot's flabbergasted face. The situation was now fundamentally hilarious. Lapis buried her face in her hands again, wiping away a few tears of mirth. "Really, I'm sorry Peridot, ahah, I didn't-"

Now Peridot was wearing a blush and avoiding eye contact. Her fingers were digging into the sides of her arms.

"Wow! Peri!" Lapis felt another bloom of hysterical amusement. "I didn't know you had it in you."

"Guh! I'm going to bed! We will discuss this in the morning!" Peridot stomped off in retreat. She tried to slam her bedroom curtains, but it didn't quite have the desired effect. Lapis stifled her laughter and crawled back into bed. 

It was a little ironic that Lapis had spent a therapy session worrying about if Peridot would start crushing on her, when here she was, slowly recovering from some rather vivid lustful mental images. She wondered if there was a psychological concept that described her fucked up-ness. Maybe it was a disorder.

Weeks of uninterrupted kindness and care? Nothing. 

One moment of inebriation anger? 'Sorry, I wasn't listening, I was trying not to throw you down on the kitchen floor.'

She was a little grateful for the interruption, though. She had a feeling that that could have been a bigger fight than it was if the tension hadn't been broken by… a different kind of tension. 

So Peridot knew about the DUI. For a while, it seemed like. Lapis sighed. She didn't like that. She didn't want her roommate to look at her like she was an irresponsible addict. She especially didn't want to be pitied. 

But it was kind of nice that she wouldn't have to avoid the subject. Lapis sighed again. Peridot had called her her friend.

She worried that she would have trouble sleeping after… all that. Eventually, some soft rumbles started drifting over from Peridot's end of the loft. Apparently alcohol made Peridot snore. That was the second time that night she reminded Lapis of a cartoon. 

Lapis listened to the noise and drifted off with relative peace.

\-----

Peridot slept in that morning. Lapis watched bad anime to pass the time. She really wished that her roommate would just wake up already. The worst part about serious conversations was the part before they started. Lapis forced herself to pay attention to the magical girls and not rehearse what she would say to Peridot over an over again. She was mostly successful. 

A groan announced her roommate's awakening. Lapis smirked. She wondered how hungover she was. A few minutes later and the blonde emerged, heading straight for the kitchen. "M'you want coffee?" She asked Lapis. 

"Sure." It wasn't like Peridot to wake up with coffee. Yeah, definitely more than a little hungover. 

Soon, Peridot sat down at the kitchen table with two mugs. "Give me a moment," she said, sipping at her drink. Lapis waited patiently, observing her scrunchy face, her baggy eyes, and the way her usual triangle hairdo was in shambles. 

Peridot eventually nodded as a signal that she was ready for Lapis to speak. "Rough night, Peri?"

"Alcohol is an abomination."

"Hear, hear."

"So, uh," Peridot began, "speaking of that. I'm… sorry for how I handled, uh." She made a gesture indicating she was talking about the whole mess. 

"Hey, it's cool."

"I just," Peridot swallowed. "I'm new at this." 

"New at what?"

"I've seen you every day since you've moved in, and I've never once wanted to throw my body through a window." 

"Ah, I get you," smiled Lapis. "Me too."

"I kind of, I wish that, ugh. Are we friends?"

Lapis felt a lump in her throat. Peridot looked so vulnerable, asking that. "Yes. Of course," she replied, automatically. She meant it.

"Oh, okay, good. Then I'd like to ask, if it's okay with you, I mean, you're free to talk or not talk about whatever you want, of course—"

"Get to the point, nerdy."

"Don't rush me! This is hard!"

"Yeah, yeah," Lapis teased. Humor was her coping mechanism.

"I can tell you're hurting, sometimes. And I wish you'd talk to me. I wish we talked about stuff, you know? Real stuff.

Oof. "That's... Hard for me." 

"Yeah, I figured. But even though we live together, sometimes it seems like we don't know that much about each other."

"Really? I feel like I learned a lot about you last night," Lapis flirted. She couldn't help it, the set up was too good.

Peridot blushed and gurgled. "Guh!" 

Oh no. Flustering Peridot was way too easy and way too fun. Lapis hoped she'd be able resist using her newfound powers for evil. "I'm sorry, I'll be serious. Sharing some stuff wouldn't be awful, maybe."

"Ah, well, good." Peridot smiled a bashful smile.

"So… do you want to ask each other questions, or something?"

"Right now?"

"You got something else going on?"

Peridot cleared her throat. "Okay, uhm, you go first."

Lapis thought for a moment. "I got one. Why did you leave your old job? The one where you made enough money to afford this place on your own."

"Ah, I got fired."

"What! No way! How?"

"I might have called my boss a cunt. To her face.

Lapis snorted. "Was she one?"

"Oh yes. Definitely. And I didn't make that much more, I get a good deal on this place since Greg owns the building."

"You're kidding me."

"Nope, he's kind of rich. He's a retired musician."

It was going to take a while for that one to process.

"My turn?" Peridot asked. When Lapis nodded, she continued, "is it hard? Not drinking?"

Wow, she was going for the hard ones right out of the gate. "Yeah, sometimes. I used to drink a lot. Right now I'm craving alcohol since you're hungover, and I was a hair-of-the-dog kind of girl." That was… easier to admit than she thought.

"Oh, sorry."

"Don't be, it's not your fault." Lapis thought up another question. "Where did you meet Steven?"

"Greg's office."

"Me too. What're you in for?"

Peridot crossed her arms, "that's two questions."

"C'moooon, you know why I go!"

The blonde gave in with a huff. "I had court ordered anger management therapy."

Lapis thought about that for a moment. "Your therapist must be fantastic, I never would have guessed that before yesterday," she said, sincerely.

"Haha, yeah, Amethyst kind of kicks ass. I have another. Why do you get scared sometimes?"

"What do you mean?"

"Like," Peridot fidgeted with her cup, formulating her words, "we will be hanging out and suddenly you'll stiffen up, or bolt, or something."

Who raised this woman to be so ruthless? "Oh, that." Lapis pushed against the lump in her throat that didn't want her to talk about that at all.

"You don't have to answer."

"No, it's okay. I… I just got out of a pretty unhealthy… something. Maybe we were in a relationship. We never talked about it. But it's hard sometimes to be close to someone after that."

Peridot froze in place.

"You okay?" Lapis asked.

"I am trying to not ask for their address so I can fight them in the streets."

She had to laugh at that mental image. "Don't! You would die!"

"You don't believe in my martial prowess!"

"Mmmnope. And I can't have you getting murdered. I would be homeless. And besides…," this was the hardest sentence so far, it required a few breaths, "it wasn't just her making it unhealthy. The hard part is trusting myself again."

Peridot studied her for a moment, then reached out a hand and clasped Lapis's. "You're not going to hurt me," she said with complete conviction.

The lump in Lapis's throat bubbled up and her eyes stung. A second later, Lapis felt the fear crawling around in her chest again. Those were terrifying words to the part of her that thought of herself as a monster.

Peridot just looked at her with patience and understanding. That asshole. Fuck her and her emotional support. Lapis would not cry, damnit. She rode out the panic and the other dumb feelings, focusing on the steadying weight of Peridot's hand in hers until the emotions dissolved to a manageable size.

"Next question," Lapis finally squeaked out, "you wanna watch CPH?"

They raced each other to the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heheheheheh


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A job offer

Things were definitely different after that conversation. Lapis reflected on the changes over the last few days. They were watching an actual movie, for once, which Steven had leant them. They were also practically spooning. 

She hadn't realized how palpable the forced emotional distance had been until it disappeared. Now their usual banter was peppered with occasional frank talk about feelings and personal history. It was bizarre, but not unwelcome. 

"Hey Lapis?" Peridot said. Speak of the devil, here comes a serious question now. "What did you want to be when you grew up?"

Dork. "I wanted to be a witch."

"That makes so much sense."

"Shut up. You?"

"I wanted to be an astronaut."

"Damn, that's way cooler."

"As I expected."

Lapis tried to punch Peridot. It wasn't very effective. Not from their current position, and not without disturbing Pumpkin.

"Hey Lapis?" Another one? "Do you want to work with me?"

"… wait, what?"

"I talked to my boss. He's like, conspicuously absent most of the time, so I asked him if I could get some help by hiring someone new. He said yes. "

Lapis sat there, stunned. "You're offering me a job?"

"Yes?"

"Uhm, yeah, definitely. The fuck."

There was silence. 

"Wait," Peridot said, "I'm having second thoughts."

"What! No take backsies!"

"You prove my point. You're much too bossy to work for me. And too much of a laze about. I'd be throwing away company money."

"You're just scared I'll get sick of your nonsense."

"Sick of me! I'm the great and lovable Peridot. My presence is the greatest job benefit there is.

"You're small and obnoxious," Lapis said, messing up Peridot's hair.

"Nyeh!"

"Wait so. I can stop going to those job interviews? I can stop filling out those damn application forms?"

"Well, I have to run a background check and all that, first. Got anything to tell me, you criminal?"

"In my off time I like to murder children."

"I'm sure it will be okay if you just promise not to do it again."

"I can't make such a promise," Lapis said, ominously. "Wait, do I have to dye my hair a natural color to work at your fancy pants country club?"

"I mean, you probably should have done that already if you wanted to land any of those interviews, but nah, as long as you're holding a rake you become invisible to rich people, they won't be offended."

"Nice."

They brought their focus back to their movie. It had a sappy, romantic ending. Typical Steven. 

"Hey Peridot," Lapis said. It was her turn for serious questions. "You mean it? I have a job?"

"I mean it."

Lapis could kiss her. Instead, she gave her a small squeeze. "Thank you."

Peridot made a noise that all at once somehow conveyed that she was welcome, and it was no big deal, and that she'd do it for anybody.

That was plainly some bullshit, but Lapis let her have it. Just this once.

\-----

"Have fun on your first day at work!!! <3 <3 <3 Love, Steven" 

Lapis groaned. Receiving a cute text from Steven only slightly diminished the horror of waking up to discordant sounds of an alarm. 

"Wakey wakey, Lapis!!!" Peridot hollered, jumping on her bed. "Today's the day you finally make something of yourself!"

Lapis responded by pulling the blanket over her head.

"If you're not ready to leave in 30 minutes I'll make you take the bus!" Peridot said gleefully, still bouncing.

"You're a wretched blight on my life."

"Nonsense, you love me."

Lapis peaked out from her blankets just enough to glare. Somehow Peridot was already fully dressed and bright eyed. Inhuman beast.

Peridot fled then, giggling.

30 minutes later, she was sitting in the passenger seat of Peridot's awful teal '92 Hyundai Excel. Every time Lapis bummed a ride off of Peridot she wondered how her roommate kept the plastic monstrosity running.

"I look like a cowpoke," Lapis whined, referring to her jeans and her work jacket.

"I think it's an improvement."

Lapis wondered if she was going to prematurely wrinkle from all the glaring she was going to end up doing in that one single day.

When they arrived at the country club, Lapis had to cease her glaring to check out her new work place. There were only a few cars in the parking lot, but they were all shiny, new, and conspicuously expensive. The building was all brick, columns, and egg-and-dart molding. There were topiaries clipped into unnatural shapes, unnecessary fountains, and people in suits and dresses that were more expensive than Peridot's car. Not that that was saying much.

"I hate it."

Peridot just chuckled.

They pulled around a drive that went around to an outbuilding and another parking lot. The cars here were way more practical, and the people exiting them were wearing various uniforms. Can't have the help walking in with the customers, apparently.

"I hate it!"

"I know."

Peridot parked and they both got out. Lapis saw a flag flapping in the wind. She realized that she was looking at a distant golf green. "I haaaaaate it!"

"Shhhh, there there," Peridot soothed, grabbing Lapis by the elbow and steering her down a path that lead to a group of smaller buildings hidden behind the larger outbuilding next to the parking lot. She noticed one of them was large and made of glass.

"Is that a greenhouse?"

"Impeccable observation skills."

Now Lapis was a little less grumpy. She'd never been inside a greenhouse. She felt a little excited.

They entered a sort of utility building, first. There were shovels, hoes, and various shearing devices hanging on the walls, along with some tools she couldn't identify. Bags of soil and fertilizer sat on pallets, and a long table and a couch took up a corner of the room. A few people sat at the table playing cards before the official start of the day. They all looked like they could be related. One of them smiled in a friendly way at Peridot and Lapis. Peridot busied herself with gathering a few things, including a ring of keys and some sort of envelopes, before she lead Lapis back outside again.

"Ready for the best part of the job?" Peridot asked, unlocking the greenhouse and holding open the door for her new coworker.

Lapis entered. The air was warm and humid, like a late spring day after a little rain. The air smelled like soil and green and sweet flowers. Half of the inner space was taken up by tables, which held a variety of smaller plants. Some of them were newly planted, sporting just a few leaves on their tender green stems. The other half was taken up by larger plants in huge plastic pots resting directly on the gravel floor. Some of them were so tall that they scraped the vaulted ceiling. They looked tropical. Lapis tried to name a few. She spotted ferns, and hibiscus, and peace lilies... Those that she couldn't name were just plain pretty.

Peridot drew her over to an empty table and pulled her up a little stool to sit on. She deposited a tray of soil in front of her and handed her a little envelope. "Okay, noob, your first task will be making babies."

"I know how to make babies," Lapis said, wiggling her eyebrows.

"One more lewd comment out of you, harlot, and I'm calling human resources." 

"Snitch."

Peridot showed Lapis how to dig a little groove in the soil and place the seeds from the packet in the row. "Not too close or they'll get all tangled when they grow. Make 5 rows and label them with these little tag things. Get the name from the packet."

Lapis glanced at the label. "What's a purslane?"

"You'll find out in a few weeks!"

She was going to need patience? Ew.

Peridot busied herself with watering plants while Lapis worked. The seeds were generally uncooperative, but she finished eventually. 

"Congratulations," Peridot said when Lapis waved her over. "You're expecting."

"I'm expecting to punch you when we get home if you keep being weird."

Peridot's response was to give her another couple of seed packets and tell her to get back to work. 

Lapis fell into a rhythm. This was nice. The warm air and the white noise from the air-circulating fans were relaxing. She found herself happily daydreaming the morning away. No wonder Peridot could be so chill, it was therapeutic to be there, surrounded by life and simple tasks. It was much better than retail, at least. It was better than staying home all day for sure.

Peridot took her on a tour after all the seeds were tucked in and watered. They had their very own kind of golf cart, with a bed for transporting potted plants and hoses when spring finally sprung. The country club had a surprising number of flower beds, tucked here and there around the main building and throughout the grounds. Peridot named the few flowers they passed that were already blooming. Daffodils, hyacinths, other things that Lapis was sure she wasn't going to remember... The most impressive stop on the tour was an outdoor event area. It sported a gazebo, statuary, roses growing on a trellised archway, and plenty of raised beds waiting for this year's flowers.

"What's this place for?"

"It's for me to show off! And also weddings and stuff, I guess. But we both know my work is more splendid than anybody's silly love story."

The rest of the day continued very much the same way as the beginning. Peridot guided Lapis through some greenhouse chores, told her the names and other details about some of the plants, and generally made a bunch of self-aggrandizing comments. 

"So," Peridot said, when they got in the car at the end of the day, "think you can stomach working here?"

"I can't believe they pay us to do that," Lapis replied. She had stars in her eyes and dirt on her cheek.

"Oh no, the plants, they've already worked their mind control on you."

"I accept their wise leadership."

"What about my wise leadership?"

"The plants have objectively more brain power."

Peridot gasped in outrage and called Lapis some colorful words. Lapis smiled at what amounted to terms of endearment between them. And at her own joke. It was a pretty good one. 

Soon, they were back home. Peridot fished for her keys to let them into the loft while Lapis waited behind her.

Lapis stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the smaller girl's middle, her chin resting on the top of her head. Lapis noticed she smelled like the greenhouse. Peridot nearly dropped her keys.

"Thank you." Lapis said, simply. "For everything."

"Oh, uh, y-you're welcome." Peridot replied. She squeezed Lapis's arms where they wrapped around her, since she couldn't do much else to return the hug. After a moment of standing in the hall, being incredible sappy, Lapis released her roommate. Something in Lapis's stomach fluttered. She didn't remember deciding to do that. She only remembered feeling incredible grateful for just… Peridot, as a person.

\---

Lapis's first act upon entering the loft was to collapse into the bean bag chair. She had suddenly realized how tired she was. It had been a relatively active day for her. And she didn't even get her usual mid-day depression nap in. "Uggggh," she moaned. Pumpkin hopped over and nibbled on her jeans. 

"Hey! Don't get your filth all over our bean bag chair!"

"S'my chair," Lapis retorted, slightly muffled with her face buried in fabric and foamy beads.

"At least don't pass out there for the sake of your spine. I need you in working order in the morning."

"Ghrnng. Carry me," Lapis ordered, lifting her arms.

"I don't think that that's physically possible."

"Not with that attitude. C'mon, muscles, I thought you were going to defend my honor and beat up my ex."

"I've decided that I don't want to fight whatever feral beast used to put up with you."

"You've got some balls," Lapis replied, lifting her head to glare at her roommate. Her smirk gave away that she was more amused and impressed by the comment than offended.

Peridot snickered and fled.

Damnit. There goes her ride. Lapis flopped back down and closed her eyes. Maybe just a five minute nap would reinvigorate her. A short little rest for her eyes…

\----

Lapis awoke to gentle movement and a hissing sound. She opened one eye. Peridot was dragging the bean bag, with her on it, over to Lapis's bed. "Hey," Lapis said, "this isn't carrying."

"I'm working smarter, not harder."

Hm. Lapis had to give her that.

Peridot deposited her at the foot of her bed. "Up!" She commanded.

Lapis grunted.

"Don't make me do this the hard way," warned Peridot.

"You don't scare me," Lapis replied.

Peridot huffed a big huff and tried to haul her blue-haired roommate out of the chair. Lapis went limp, giggling, making this as hard as possible for the tiny woman. 

"Once I pick you up I'm going to throw you in the garbage can, where you belong!" Peridot hollered. She wasn't doing a good job of hiding her smile.

Five minutes later, and they had both toppled to the floor in a tangled mess. Lapis's whole face hurt from snorting and smiling. Peridot wheezed beside her, winded from a combination of laughter and exertion. "You are a demon," she managed to huff out between breaths. "A fat one." 

Lapis rolled so that she was facing Peridot. "Don't blame me for your weakness," she said, a mischievous grin on her face.

Peridot rolled her head to the side to better make a facetiously angry face at the other woman. They were close, practically nose to nose.

Lapis was reminded of something, but she didn't quite know what. Something about 2 am, and YouTube cooking channels, and… oh, she was remembering a certain night. The one where Peridot had come home after a night out with friends. They had almost gotten into a fight that night, but it had turned out for the best. Why was she thinking of that?

Something unidentified spread from her gut into her chest. A sort of low simmering heat. Her breath came a bit shallower. 

Oh. Ohhh. Lapis felt like an idiot. She was remembering that night because, well, she was feeling the way she felt when Peridot had looked at her with that searing anger, when Peridot's carefully practiced self-control had crumbled for just a moment thanks to alcohol and high emotions. 

In other words, Lapis was really fucking hot for this woman panting beside her.

But this time she couldn't blame it on being a fucked up person that was into angry sex.

"Uh oh," said Peridot, "you're making the face."

"What face?"

"The I'm-panicking-about-something face." Peridot sat up. "What's wrong?"

Ugh. Why does this chick have to be so… infuriatingly in tune with Lapis's mental nonsense? Lapis sat up too. "I am too tired to untangle my hang-ups right now," she admitted. "I'm going to shower and deal with that one later."

Peridot looked concerned for a moment, then shrugged. "Hey, I've been there. Just… let me know if I can help when you feel up to it."

Lapis nodded.

A moment later, she shut the bathroom door behind her and slumped against it. She slid down the door until she rested on the cool tile. Garnet's voice echoed in her head, instructing her on how to deal with overwhelming emotions.

"Remember," said Garnet, "recognize the feeling, accept that you're having it, investigate what it feels like, and then let it be or let it go."

Okay. Step one. Recognize. Lust. That's what it was. Sizzling, intense, take-me-now attraction. That one was easy.

Step two, accept. That was… a harder one. Well, she could accept that she was a red-blooded twenty something that had needs. Peridot certainly wasn't unattractive. Maybe not her usual type, but Lapis wasn't blind to the fact that Peridot had some rather impressive curves. And she could accept that, well, it sort of made sense that, after spending an extended amount of time with someone that made her genuinely happy, that certain… things… might develop. 

Okay, enough of that step. Step three. Investigate. How did it feel?

It felt like she wanted to march up to her roommate and throw her onto the nearest flat surface. It felt like fingers that wanted to clutch blond hair, a mouth hungry to taste Peridot's lips, her tongue, her neck. It felt like a need for friction and heat and a voice moaning her name. It felt wild and whirling and also, somehow, tender and warm-hearted.

It felt like she wanted to give that outstanding woman as much pleasure as physically possible.

Lapis bit her lip. Time to move on from step three, unless she wanted to spend the next 30 minutes 'showering'.

Step four. Let it be, or let it go. Lapis weighed her options.

She could let it be and accept that she really wanted to add some benefits to her and Peridot's friendship. She could maybe even… do something about it. Her old friend fear-of-intimacy roiled in her ribcage. A new friend, fear-of-rejection, joined in the fun. The pair tap-danced around her chest to the beat of her racing heart.

Or, she could let it go, recognize that it's just a feeling and it would go away, and move on with her life.

Let it be, or let it go. Time to make a choice. Any second now. Gonna be an adult about this...

Actually, fuck that. Lapis stood up and shook off Garnet's voice in her head. Time to do the unhealthy thing and pretend that nothing was wrong, and nothing had changed, and that she had made no personal revelations, laying there on the floor, Peridot's breath mixing with hers, looking into those brilliant green eyes. Yeah, definitely going to ignore all of that. Especially the part about her eyes.

Lapis got in the shower and scrubbed like she could wash the last few minutes away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lapis is such a brat


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get heavy, and then they get light, and then they get 'heavy' ;)

It turned out to be easy to temporarily forget about the incident. As the temperatures increased, so did her work load. The growing plants were thirsty, the weeds rejoiced in the lengthening days, and the weeks ran together in that way that they do when life is pleasantly busy. 

Lapis fell in love with the job in so many small ways. She loved the smell of water on dry soil—that after-the-rain sort of smell that brought back happy summertime memories. She loved the delight of watching the plants in her care sprout, and grow, and bloom day by day. She found out what a purslane was, and a dahlia, and a gardenia, and a dozen other plants she could never name before. Each one was splendidly beautiful, and Lapis and Peridot celebrated nearly every new flower that came into existence.

She fell in love with her coworkers (they turned out to mostly be cousins and sisters) who took care of the lawns and the golf greens and the stunningly tall trees that shaded the landscape of the country club. They were rough and friendly and loud in the best way, and enthusiastically accepting of their quieter greenhouse comrades.

She fell in love with the way her muscles ached by the end of the day, and the way she slept like a baby when she hit the mattress, and the way her arms became toned and bronzed from lifting bags of soil in the sunlight. Peridot broke out in a mess of tiny freckles. They dappled across her nose and shoulders and reminded Lapis of constellations.

And work wasn't the only thing that brought blessed distraction. Steven had started bringing his friend Connie over for board games, and to enjoy Peridot's eclectic collection of movies. Lapis rejoiced in Steven's company, always, but seeing how delighted he was to have so many of his friends getting along was deeply heartwarming. Her and Peridot started placing bets on when the two kids would finally end up dating. It wasn't particularly hard to see that they were smitten with each other. She was proud of him.

Lapis was surprised to notice that she was feeling… good. Like, really good, compared to the way she felt for so long after that fateful fender bender. How long had it been? At least half a year. Wow. The days of probation she had left to endure were slowly disappearing, taking a great weight off her shoulders as they went. Garnet had felt comfortable enough with her progress that their sessions dwindled down to once every two weeks. And her next session would be a month after her last one, this time. 

It all seemed so surreal, and yet... exactly how it should be.

Lapis reflected on these things in the comfort of her bean bag on one lazy Sunday off. Peridot had left to run some errands, leaving her to her thoughts. She stroked Pumpkin's soft ears and watched the clouds float past the windows. It was another gorgeous day.

A slammed door brought her back to the present. She looked over her shoulder. It was Peridot. She carried a grocery bag in her fist and a furrow between her eyebrows.

Alarm bells rang in Lapis's mind. "Are you okay?" 

"Yes! No! Ugh!" Peridot replied, tossing the bag on the counter and opening a few drawers. "I'm having a bit of an anger relapse," she admitted, rummaging around the odds-and-ends drawer.

"What are you looking for?"

"Cigarettes."

Lapis widened her eyes. She'd never seen Peridot smoke before. "Hey, what happened?" Lapis asked, leaving her chair and coming closer to her distressed roommate. She remembered how many times Peridot had walked her safely through a panic attack over the months. It was her turn to return the favor.

Peridot found a hidden box of cigarettes somewhere in a cupboard. Lapis felt the pangs of a craving for a moment. Peridot lifted the box like a prize, laughing triumphantly. She flipped it open, lighter ready. It was apparently empty. Peridot growled low and threw the offending container into the far wall.

"Seriously, what happened?"

Peridot paced around the kitchen, a ball of undirected energy. She clutched her hair and threw up her hands at random intervals. "I just! Ran into an old co-worker that used to make my life miserable! Like, I'm not exaggerating. And she's just as much of a raging asshole as before. Ugh! How can people like that be allowed to exist!"

Lapis was in the kitchen now, but she was unsure if she should reach out to comfort her roommate or give her space to gesticulate wildly. She decided to wait and see if she'd wear herself out before going within flailing range.

"I've had plenty of experience with assholes, I get it," Lapis replied, "fuck 'em." 

Peridot finally made eye contact with Lapis. "I know you have." She seemed like she was starting to calm down a little, comforted by Lapis's crude but heartfelt sympathy. "Damnit, now I'm just mad at myself for letting that douchecanoe get to me again."

"Even the great and lovable Peridot is only human," Lapis said.

Peridot smiled. "You're being nice to me! I should throw tantrums more often."

"I don't know if I can do it again, complimenting you was an intensely painful experience. I think I just lost a year off my life."

"Okay, you know what, I'm going to go back to the store to thank her for blessing the world with her kind heart," Peridot sassed, "in comparison, you make Jasper look like a saint."

Lapis went stiff. No fucking way.

Peridot looked concerned, "what, what'd I say?"

It was probably not a great time to reveal the identity of her ex. Not so soon after she had made the usually kind Peridot blow up in the kitchen. "Um, nothing." Nailed it.

Peridot looked at her long and hard. "You're not… scared, you look shocked. But I didn't say anything that shocking, I mean, I've said meaner things before, and you don't even know Jasp-" Peridot suddenly froze. 

Oh no. Peridot was way too intelligent for her own good.

"No!" Peridot barked, in disbelief. "No way! Not Jasper!"

Lapis didn't know what to say. "Yeah," was all she could manage.

"Grruuuuuaaah!" Peridot roared, "she is! The absolute! Worst human being in existence! She wasn't content enough fucking with me the whole time I worked for Yellow, she had to fucking, be a monster in your life too?" Peridot stomped around, her hands alternating between claws and fists. Lapis got the sense that Jasper, even though she was a wall of muscle, was lucky that she wasn't within reach of the short blonde girl. Lapis had a mental image of sparks flying off hot metal. "She's a beast!"

"Hey, it's fine, I'm okay." 

"Okay!" Peridot bellowed. "You have panic attacks! She made you feel like you were a bad person! She—"

Lapis caught Peridot's wrists in her hands and pulled them away from Peridot's head, where they had tearing at her hair. "Listen, I'm okay. I'm not with Jasper, I'm here in the loft with you," she said firmly, looking Peridot in the eyes. She leaned down so that she was at eye level with her best friend. "She can't hurt us now."

Peridot tried to pull her wrists free, but Lapis held firm. Peridot gnashed her teeth. "She's so selfish, and hurtful, and pushy! That fucking bitch! Ugh!" Lapis just kept her gaze locked on angry green ones. "The world is a hellhole, there's no justice, I can't believe, I… I…" 

Peridot's arms went limp. She started blinking hard and breathing erratically. "I'm so fucking, mad, I—ugh!"

There it was. Peridot crumpled. Lapis reacted quickly, pulling her close as they both fell to their knees. Peridot sobbed against her chest. Lapis stroked her hair. 

"We're okay, I promise." Lapis said. Her own tears welled up and spilled out of her eyes. Lapis realized she hadn't really cried about any of this. Not Jasper, not the DUI, not the way her control over her life had been ripped out of her hands. She realized that she had really needed to. Like, really, really needed to. She held Peridot tighter and let the tears flow, flushing out the residual grief and pain that contentment alone couldn't erase.

Peridot's shoulder's shuddered. She had obviously needed this too. Lapis felt unbearable grateful that she could hold Peridot through this, could help her let go of some of her personal traumas, too.

"Fuck." Peridot said, eventually, when her sobs had diminished enough that she could catch her breath. "Jesus. Ugh." She sniffed. Lapis wondered how much snot must be running down the front of her shirt. 

"Feel better?" Lapis asked, weakly, wiping her eyes with one hand while rubbing Peridot's back with another. 

"Yeah, you?" Peridot asked. She still clung around Lapis's waist, but it was less desperate. Or maybe more exhausted. Probably both.

"Mhmm." Lapis replied. 

"I'm sor—"

"Don't be. That was good for both of us." 

Peridot grunted in the affirmative. 

Lapis felt tired. She hooked her arms underneath Peridot and lifted. Peridot's breath hitched. "Where are you taking me?"

"To sleep." She carried Peridot under her bedroom curtains and collapsed on to the mattress with her. Peridot was still in her grip, her head tucked under her chin. 

Lapis closed her eyes, her arms around Peridot's middle. She felt Peridot hesitating. Then, finally, she relaxed into her, grasping the front of her shirt with her hands that had recently been angry fists. Soon, Lapis felt her roommates breath become deep and steady. She was already asleep. Lapis felt the emotional exhaustion wash over her like a wave, and she joined Peridot in unconsciousness.

\----

Today was the big day. It was time to start planting the outdoor event area. Wedding season was fast approaching, and it was time to plant some romantic ass shit to appear in the background of facebook photo albums.

"Weddings are lame." Lapis said, tucking some white salvia into the freshly tilled soil. She would never get sick of the feel of soft soil on her hands.

"Haha, yeah. I've warmed up to them lately. Steven loves weddings to tears. Literally. I've seen him cry more than once at the end of a romcom."

Lapis snorted. That made a lot of sense. 

Peridot was decking out her corner of the flower bed with peace lilies and red cannas. "Hey Lapis? Have you ever been proposed to?"

"God no." Lapis replied. "Honestly, I think my most serious thing was with Jasper. If it even qualifies. My love life is a more of a disaster than your cooking." 

Peridot threw a clod of dirt at her. 

Lapis rolled her eyes. Fool. She had lost all fear of dirt. "What about you, Peri? Break any hearts?" Lapis elbowed Peridot suggestively.

"Haha," Peridot looked sheepish, "nah. I was an grumpy wreck for most of my life, remember? My suitors were few and far between." She smeared mud on the back of her neck, rubbing it as a nervous tic. Lapis decided it was more funny not to tell her about it.

Lapis thought about that for a moment. She smiled a mischievous, gleeful smile. "Hey Peridot? Are you a virg-"

"That's none of your business!" Peridot yodeled, blushing. 

Lapis bent over laughing. "So that's a yes?"

Peridot turned a nearly impossible shade of red. "No!"

"Mmmmmhmmmmmm."

"I'm serious! I'm not. I might not have had much of a romantic life but… yanno…" Peridot glanced away. "I've got… needs."

Lapis tried not to think about Peridot's needs. She especially tried not to think of satisfying them, enthusiastically, over and over again. Time to talk about anything else.

"Tell me the story of when you quit." Lapis said. "You said you called your boss a cunt to her face. Paint me that beautiful picture."

And so she got to hear an epic tale about Peridot's life at a shitty, exploitative tech company. They didn't even have benefits. Those monsters.

"So wait, your boss didn't listen to your advice, so you chewed her out in front of her secretary and all creation?"

"Uhm… yeah. When you put it that way it sounds…"

"Badass as hell. I'm proud of you."

Peridot grinned. "Stop trying to schmooze yourself a raise, we don't have the budget.

"Damnit. Well, in that case, you smell like old ca-" Lapis was interrupted by a dandelion colliding with the side of her head. "You struck me!" She gasped. "Abuse!"

"I'll show you abuse!" Peridot yelled.

By the end of the day they were covered from head to toe in dusty soil that fell off of them in clouds. Lapis's cheeks were sore from smiling. 

Maybe weddings weren't so lame if they led to more flowers.

\----

"Lapis. It's time."

"No!" Lapis covered her ears to drown out her roommate's voice.

"We have put it off long enough. You have to let go."

"I can't! You can't make me!" Lapis pulled up her knees on the sofa, hiding behind them.

"The closure will set you free. I promise."

"I'm not ready to say goodbye."

Peridot put a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, I'll be right here beside you."

Lapis looked up with shimmering eyes. "Promise?"

"Promise."

And so, they started the series finale of Camp Pining Hearts. The last episode ever made. The last episode she would ever watch for the first time again. 

Lapis almost begged Peridot to turn it off five times. But alas, it wouldn't have worked anyway. It ended exactly how anyone would have expected. Paulette and Percy ended up together, the campers grew as people, and they left camp with precious lifelong memories.

The credits rolled.

"So, how do you feel?"

Lapis just sat there, changed forevermore, speechless from overwhelming emotions.

Peridot nodded sagely. "Mhmm. As expected."

Lapis turned to Peridot. "Why."

"Love is pain, I'm afraid."

"You did this to me." Lapis said, a portrait of betrayal.

Peridot hung her head in shame. "I know. And I knew what I was doing too… will you ever forgive me?" She looked up from her slump into Lapis's eyes, putting on a pout.

There was no concious decision. They were sitting on the couch like they had done a hundred times before, having a nerdy but fairly typical conversation, on a Saturday like any other. 

And then, suddenly, Lapis's lips were on Peridot's.

Lapis assessed these new circumstances as if in a dream. Her hand was lightly tilting up Peridot's chin, but otherwise, it was a chaste kiss. Just steady pressure and closed eyes and a desperate feeling rising in her chest as she realized what she had just done. 

Peridot was not kissing her back.

Lapis jolted backwards, her eyes flying open and her heart racing. Shit. Shit shit shit. She took a sharp breath, preparing to blurt out an apology for the action her body had just taken, unbidden, in a momentary lapse of control. Whatever she was about to say was quickly interrupted.

Their lips met again at the same moment she felt fingers tangling themselves in her hair. Lapis felt herself evaporate in the sudden heat. Peridot kissed her with nearly violent need. Lapis suppressed a moan and melted into her, wrapping her arms around Peridot's neck and mentally vowing to never let her go. 

Lapis felt Peridot's thumb on the corner of her mouth. Lapis broke contact for a moment, questioning with half-lidded eyes. Her friend didn't notice the nonverbal question, but kept laser-sighted attention on what she was doing. She gently brushed her thumb downward. Lapis's lips parted, and Peridot gave a satisfied, predatory grin before hungrily taking advantage of the access to Lapis's mouth and tongue. 

Lapis felt like she might combust. 

All self-control was gone. Lapis leaned her weight forward, tipping Peridot onto her back and pinning her to the couch. Peridot gasped and looked up with dazzled eyes. The sound was heavenly. She wanted more of them. Her lips and tongue tasted Peridot's neck and collar bones. She fought the urge to leave marks on this beautiful girl. Instead she let her teeth scrape gently along Peridot's pulse. There were more intoxicating gasps. Lapis moaned, burying her face in her roommates shoulder. She felt hands clutch at her hips like life depended on it.

"Ah fuck, Lapis," Peridot whispered, inches from her ear. She felt her hair flutter against her neck from the woman's heavy breathing. Lapis discovered that their legs were tangled together, her knee between both of Peridot's. She rocked her hips forward, searching for friction and pressure and relief from overwhelming want. Peridot's arms moved to lock behind the small of her back. Her hips rolled as she pulled the two of them together, matching her rhythm. Lapis felt her world spin. More than she ever wanted anything, she wanted to fuck this amazing woman that was coming unglued beneath her. 

And then she felt cold terror, like ice water poured between her shoulder blades. All the heat of the moment ran out of her and she jerked upright, her breath strangled in her throat.

Peridot must have thought fast. Gentle but firm arms pulled her back down. She had manouevered Lapis's head so that it rested on her chest. Lapis heard Peridot's fluttering heart and her gradually steadying breath. 

Lapis felt some of the tension in her muscles release, and her breathing came back to her as she focused on the rise and fall of Peridot's chest. A voice in her head was calling her a monster for pouncing on Peridot like a sexual predator. Her roommate started drawing small, soothing circles on her back. The voice slowly diminished in volume to a nagging whisper. 

"I'm sorry."

"What on Earth are you are apologising for?" Peridot asked, gently chiding her. She sounded a little dazed.

Lapis felt herself smile weakly. "Yanno, for trying to ravage you. Or for freaking out about it. Or both."

"I am not upset," Peridot replied. "Especially about that first part. What's the opposite of upset? I'm whatever that is."

"Oh," was all she could say. A blush rose on her cheeks. She was glad Peridot couldn't see it. 

They lay there for a while, enjoying the contact. Lapis could get used to being tangled up in Periot's arms.

"I take it back. I am upset. I'm upset that you didn't do that sooner."

Lapis pinched her.

Peridot yelped. "Devil woman!" It was a rather empty insult, since she also squeezed her a little tighter. 

"How long?" Lapis asked.

"Hm?"

"How long ago should I have done that?" 

"Oh, hell," Peridot sounded embarrassed. "Don't ask me that."

"Aw, Peri, pining for a while, were you?" Lapis lifted her head and raised her eyebrow. "Why didn't you make a move, coward?"

"I wasn't pining!" Peridot doth protested too much. "I was just… content to just, you know, be in your life."

Lapis knew what she meant. "Was?" She asked, putting on her flirtiest voice and letting her eyelids lower.

It was Peridot's turn to blush. "Yes, was. If that was our first kiss, and there isn't a second, I'm going to destroy this planet and everyone on it." She sounded serious. 

Lapis lifted one of Peridot's hands to her lips. "There's your second." Peridot looked at her with more affection than she could handle. She buried her face against her again. "Things… might be… hard for me." She admitted, feeling a little broken.

Peridot stroked her back. "I know. I would never… you don't have to…" she took a breath. "We will figure it out, okay?"

They will figure it out. 

That was alright with Lapis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Lapidot Anniversary week, my loves <3


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of figuring it out

They took to figuring it out rather enthusiastically.

They spent their days working, being as professional as the two of them were capable of. Their banter had not slowed down a touch, and Lapis got no special treatment. If anything, Peridot had her working even harder. Lapis suspected she just wanted to get her in bed sooner. They hadn't slept apart since that kiss.

Once they were home, all bets were off. While things never quite got as intense as they did that night on the couch, Lapis found that kissing was just fine. More than fine. She felt like she had just rediscovered the lost art of the make out session. It was like middle school all over again. Peridot was more than happy to help her with her research.

Unfortunately, Peridot had discovered something herself. Lapis was absolutely weak to sweet nothings. 

"You're gorgeous," she said one night as they lay in bed talking. She played with Lapis's fingertips and drank in the sight of her in the low light. 

Lapis looked away. "Shut up." 

"You know, when you get flustered like that, you pout in the most adorable way." 

"Stooooop," she pleaded, covering her face with one hand. She heard Peridot snicker.

"Wait, you're right," Peridot said. "This is completely unfair. Here I am lavishing you with compliments, and I get nothing in return." She rolled onto her back and crossed her arms. "You think I'm unattractive!" she whined, hamming it up.

"You know that's not true," Lapis said, rolling her eyes.

Peridot pretended to sniffle sadly.

"Ugh. Okay. You're, um," she looked up and down Peridot. The city light from the window was highlighting the curve of her figure, the slight definition in her arms, her little button nose. Lapis struggled to find her words. She wasn't good at this. "Boobies." 

"Wow!"

"I'm doing my best."

Peridot grinned mischievously. Oh no. "These things?" She said, pushing them up and together. Lapis became very aware that she wasn't wearing a bra under her thin shirt. "You're right, they are rather impressive, don't you think?" She squeezed one gently. It mounded slightly around her fingers. Lapis wheezed.

Peridot turned to her, looking down at Lapis's chest. "Hm. I wish I could say the same for you, but we can't all be well-endowed, I gue—hwuhmph!" 

Lapis had smacked a pillow down over Peridot's face.

She thought about holding it there and smothering the little gremlin. No one would blame her. It would be a public service.

She lifted the pillow. Unfortunately for the public, she chose to be selfish. She couldn't kiss Peridot with a pillow in the way.

\-----

"That's quite the development," Garnet commented. Lapis was telling her about her new living situation. 

"Heh, yeah," Lapis replied. She rubbed the back of her neck and looked away.

Garnet smiled subtly to herself. Lapis got the distinct feeling that her therapist had just won a bet. But that would be a gross violation of patient confidentiality. Criminal, even. Lapis wondered if Garnet would cross that line.

"How do you feel about these changes in your relationship with Peridot?" 

Lapis made a smarmy face and shot her a thumbs up.

Garnet chuckled. "I'm sure there's more to it than that."

Lapis slumped against the back of her chair. Ugh. "Well, I guess it's... It's still kind of scary." 

"You still worry about hurting her?"

"Yeah."

"The fact that you're willing to share intimate experiences with another person shows that you've made significant progress. You should be proud."

Lapis hmmed.

"I'd like you to try something."

Lapis looked up, wary.

"Imagine what it would be like if you did hurt her."

"What?" Lapis said, flabbergasted.

"You're in a safe space, just let yourself think about it."

Lapis didn't want to think about it. What sort of sadistic nonsense was this? But Garnet just looked at her with patient confidence. So Lapis imagined. She imagined herself getting violently angry at Peridot, smashing something, calling her horrible names. She imagined herself falling off the wagon, drinking herself useless and becoming an emotional burden in the process. She imagined running away forever at the first sign of trouble, leaving Peridot alone and confused and wondering what she did wrong.

"Why am I doing this?" Lapis asked, her voice coming out thin. 

"Sometimes, we are more scared of our thoughts than their contents. It's helpful to let yourself hear them rather than resist them." 

Lapis had heard that before. She still didn't think it was a particularly helpful exercise, in this specific instance. She already knew the details of these thoughts.

"I notice you're not panicking."

That got Lapis's attention. It was true. She was uncomfortable, sure, but her lungs weren't closing up and her hands didn't shake with fear. "Oh. Yeah."

"I don't think your usual fears of intimacy are the whole story."

"Well, what is it, then?"

Garnet tapped steepled fingers to her lips, thinking. "I'm going to ask you something, but I want you to be prepared for some possibly overwhelming feelings."

Lapis just nodded. What's the worst she could do, after the previous part of the session?

"Are you in love with Peridot?"

Lapis choked. Her ribs felt like a jagged cage around her lungs. 

Garnet reminded her how to talk herself down from the panic.

"What the fuck," Lapis said when her words returned. "That's not—we're just fooling around, that's not what I'm after."

"Love doesn't really care if you plan for it or not," Garnet said with assurance.

Lapis looked at the ground.

"Would it be a bad thing, if you were?" Garnet asked gently.

She thought of Peridot. Kind, patient, trusting Peridot. She thought about kissing her, and holding her while they slept, and teasing her in the sun while they worked at the job she had found for her. She thought about how Peridot made her feel a little less broken, and understood when she let her troubles get the best of her. She thought about their home, and their Pumpkin, and how she didn't want to let any of it go.

"No." She said. "No, it wouldn't be bad." Lapis's eyes focused off into the distance. She felt a little vertigo.

"Hmm."

\----

Lapis walked out of the clinic in a daze. She sat down at the bus stop, the same one where she had first heard about Peridot's existence, and waited for her ride home.

There was a lot to think about.

Garnet had told her to take her time. She said that this sort of thing was complicated enough for people without Lapis's history. There was no rush, and nothing bad would happen if it took her a while to figure things out. Peridot obviously cared about her, platonically or otherwise, and wasn't going to vanish on Lapis.

She heard the hiss of air brakes. The bus was here. 

Mechanically, she got up and found a seat. 

So, question time: was she in love with Peridot?

Static filled her mind. That was way too packed of a question. Time to change strategies.

Revised question: what the hell was romantic love, anyway? 

Lapis thought of cheesy romcoms, and Percy and Paulette, and Steven's obvious crush on Connie. She dismissed the first two as garbage. Steven's school-aged crush was adorable, but just didn't seem all that relevant to the situation. They were naive and optimistic youths. Lapis was seven kinds of fucked up. At least. 

Then, Lapis thought of her past relationships. There really weren't any examples there, either, if she was honest. She'd had crushes in school, dated a bit, etc., but her feelings for the people she was involved with never quite matched up with other people's descriptions of what 'being in love' was like. There was definitely some sort of attraction between her and Jasper, but whatever it was, it was not romantic. Lapis was sure of that one.

So, what did that leave her with? She knew she hadn't felt it before, and she was sure popular media was really fucking bad at portraying it. In conclusion...

Lapis drew a blank.

She moved on to another question, since the first one was getting her nowhere:

How did she feel about Peridot? Really?

She suddenly became aware of her heartbeat thudding in her chest. Something that felt a little like an answer bubbled up in her mind.

First, there were memories: lazy days on the couch, their collaborative cooking disasters, the pleasant routine of their work day, the peaceful atmosphere of the home they had made together.

Then, there were sensations: Peridot's shoulder leaning on hers, playful shoves and grapples, her tongue in her mouth, her hands on her hips, the hundreds of small and casual touches that they had shared in between the rest.

Then, there were feelings: Trust. Shared delight in their battles of wits. Gratefulness for all that she had done for her, even when they had been barely more than strangers. Just... happiness that came from knowing she was happy. Easy acceptance of all of Peridot's habits, even the annoying ones. And, also, feelings that were harder to pin down. Warm feelings. Feelings they felt like electricity and light. Feelings that felt like air after nearly drowning.

The bus slowed to a halt. Lapis looked up. This was her stop.

She stepped off and started walking. The route was familiar. Her thoughts picked up where they left off.

This time, there were desires: the desire to touch and be touched. The desire to keep coming back, to keep doing their favorite things together. The desire for it all to never end.

She walked through the front door of their building and started climbing steps.

So... what did that all mean? What did that add up to? What was the answer?

Suddenly, a switch flipped in her mind.

She didn't have an answer to her questions, but she had something better. It was a course of action. She didn't know what happened next, but she knew what she wanted to happen now. 

Fuck therapy, fuck introspection, all she needed in that moment was Peridot. 

She almost flew up the stairs and arrived suddenly at their floor. She paused, taking just a moment to catch her breath, savor her resolve, and indulge in a little bit of anticipatory pleasure. Then, she put her key in the lock and turned.

Lapis walked through their front door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jeez Garnet, be nice to the poor girl.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning: This chapter is very sexy

Lapis walked through their front door.

"Oh, hey Lapis! I just bought this new game. You play as a cat. Literally, you just knock shit around as a cat. I've been playing it for two hours now. Here, here, come see!"

The blue-haired woman walked up behind the computer chair that Peridot was excitedly spinning around in. 

"See? Pow!" Peridot pressed a button and the digital cat thrust out a paw, knocking a stack of books onto the floor. "Hnyehehehe."

Lapis gripped the back of the computer chair. Peridot made a noise of dissatisfaction when her movement was limited. "Lapis?" She asked, looking up, concerned. "Are you okay?"

Lapis turned the chair around and leaned on the arms so that she was eye level with her roommate. "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Then, what are you doing?" Peridot asked, unconvinced.

Lapis smiled. "This," she said. She lifted Peridot out of the chair. The smaller girl clung around Lapis's neck and hooked her legs around her hips reflexively. Lapis rested her forehead on Peridot's.

Peridot was still a little uncertain what was going on, but she relaxed into the contact, looking into her best friend's eyes. "What's gotten into you? Feeling romantic?" She asked.

"Yes." Lapis replied. She closed the small distance between them and kissed her, gently. There wasn't the usual lustful desperation stemming from the built up tension between them. That wasn't where Lapis's mind was. 

Peridot melted in her arms, returning the kiss with the same tenderness. They broke apart after a moment. Peridot looked dazzled. "Wow," she whispered. Lapis snorted. She started walking.

Peridot twisted her neck over her shoulder to see where they were headed. Lapis walked her around the makeshift room divider and to the foot of her bed.

"Oh." Peridot said, returning her gaze to Lapis's eyes. "Are you… you want to... Uhm."

Lapis nodded and rested her head against Peridot's forehead again. 

"Do you… think that will be okay? For you?" Peridot sounded hopeful, but nervous.

Lapis's heart squeezed. "I want to try," she said, in nearly a whisper. "Can we try?"

Peridot answered by kissing her. Lapis lowered her to the edge of the bed and climbed into her lap. She used her freed arms to pull her close. Peridot's hands moved to the small of her back. Lapis wondered if she knew how much that gentle pressure drove her wild.

Peridot let Lapis come up for air and began leaving a trail of kisses down the side of her jaw. She shivered at the ticklish sensation. Peridot snickered as she continued down her neck, to her shoulder, then back up to her pulse point. Lapis was giggling too, by then, as Peridot gently started nibbling at her earlobe.

"Stop!" Lapis pleaded. "You're going to make me snort!"

"You're sexy when you snort. Your face scrunches up delectably."

Lapis blushed and playfully shoved her away. 

"You won't escape me that easily, Lazuli!" She vowed, pulling Lapis back in close and taking her down to the bed with her. Lapis felt herself get rolled on to her back. Peridot was now on her hands and knees, hovering over her with mischief written all over her face. Lapis looked up into Peridot's green eyes that smiled triumphantly above her. 

And then their lips were locked again. Her hands moved to the buttons on the front of Peridot's ridiculous shirt. Pop, pop, pop. She pulled at the collar when she got it undone. Peridot took the hint and shrugged out of the article of clothing along with her bra. Lapis took in the sight. God, she was beautiful.

Peridot began playing with the straps of Lapis's shirt. "This isn't fair," she whined. Lapis rolled her eyes and pushed Peridot to her knees so she could sit up and pull her own shirt off over her head. She tossed it unceremoniously into the corner. Peridot didn't let her be upright for long; she grabbed her shoulders and pinned her back to the mattress, growling and smiling. She reached up and ran a gentle thumb over one of Lapis's nipples. It jumped to attention as Lapis inhaled at the sudden sensation.

"Still okay?" Peridot checked. 

"Mhmm." Lapis said, dreamily. 

Peridot returned to her machinations, licking her lips. She rolled the peaked nipple between her fingertips, brushed it gently in small circles, then gave it a mischievious tweak.

Lapis gasped and clutched at Peridot's waist. Taking that as a signal to keep going, Peridot leaned down and gave her other nipple the same attention with her tongue. Lapis was having trouble breathing, but for once it was in a very good way.

"Peridot," she begged, lifting her hips. She hoped that she would understand. Words were failing her. 

Peridot did understand. She hooked her thumbs into the top of Lapis's skirt and underwear and dispensed with the both of them. The exposure made Lapis feel needy and vulnerable. Pitiful, even. She fought the urge to whine for the touching to resume immediately.

But Peridot was busy looking down at her like she was a priceless Renaissance painting. "God damn," she blasphemed. "Jesus."

"My name is Lapis," she corrected, winking. 

Peridot narrowed her eyes at her, but her smile refused to play along, "don't ruin the atmosphere with your snark, woman."

"It is all that I am."

Peridot pulled Lapis to the end of the bed by her knees, hooking them over her shoulders and kneeling on the floor. "I think I might have to go about shutting you up." She said, kissing Lapis's inner thigh. 

She tried to retort, but all the came out was a wheeze. Peridot looked immensly satisfied. The asshat started trailing kisses downward, peppering in a few darts of her tongue on sensitive skin. Lapis gripped the sheets. "You. Tease." She barked out, teeth gritted. Peridot just hummed and switched legs, starting back at the knee. Lapis wanted to grab her by the hair and bury her face between her legs. But that would require loosening the grip she had on the covers. She wasn't sure she could manage that at the moment.

Peridot introduce teeth and suction to the equation. Lapis's hips bucked. She wondered if Peridot was going to leave marks. A feral part of her hoped she was going to have a trail of bruises reminding her of this for several days. She bit her lip. "Peridot. Please. Fuck."

"What was that?" Peridot said in a husky voice. Lapis felt the vibration of her speech, tantilizingly close to where she desperately wanted some attention.

"Gah, fuck me, you demon." Lapis blushed furiously, having been made to grovel for it. Peridot was a sadist, and it was… incredibly hot, actually.

Peridot obligued. She hooked her hands under Lapis's ass cheeks for leverage and dove between her legs, flicking her tongue across her clit and making her see stars. Lapis made a series of noises that were difficult to describe. Peridot just purred and deepened the pressure, drawing small circles with the point of her tongue around the very sensitive organ. 

Lapis's hand released its death grip on the covers and took up a death grip on the long hair atop Peridot's head. She worried about hurting her, for a moment, but an appreciative groan dashed those fears. She applied downward pressure. Peridot changed tactics in response, running her flattened tongue over Lapis's entrance like her growing wetness was the most delicious thing she ever tasted. Lapis saw more stars and felt her legs go weak. She opened her eyes, which she realized she had shut in the midst of another moan, and watched Peridot eat her out like her life depended on it. The wetness of her chin and the glazed, lidded look in Peridot's eyes were almost too much. 

A growing heat pooled between her legs. Her breaths came in gasping moans. She felt herself about to come undone, and a tiny, fearful voice told her to stop, to be afraid, to hold on to control and not let someone else see her be vulnerable. 

But then Peridot glanced upward, locked drunk eyes with Lapis, and reached forward to grasp the hand that was not buried in her hair. 

And Lapis came. Hard. Back arched, moaning, nearly crushing Peridot between her thighs. Peridot kept up her work, dragging out her orgasm, not letting her come down. She moaned along with her, her eyes furrowing in the vicarious pleasure of watching Lapis lose herself. Finally, Lapis collapsed to the mattress. A muscle in her thigh quaked. Peridot came up for oxygen, wiping her chin with the back of her hand, panting through reddened lips. 

Lapis came back to reality, feeling weightless, and caught her breath. "Get up here." She barked when she got back control of her limbs. She grabbed Peridot by the arms and pulled her into a kiss.

Now it was her turn. 

She flipped Peridot onto her back and unzipped the pants that were, annoyingly, still on her body. There was no time to take them off. Peridot was flushed and panting, obviously close just from watching Lapis get off, and from being the one who did it. Incredible. 

Lapis pushed her hands inside the offending clothing and explored with her fingers. God, she was wet. She had made her that wet. Lapis looked into green eyes with wonder.

She lowered herself on to Peridot's neck and kissed her feircely while she circled her clit with her fingers. Peridot groaned, gripping her shoulders. Lapis decided that she would have to get Peridot back for teasing her next time, and dove two fingers to the knuckle into Peridot's slick and eager entrance. She heard a nearly pained moan and Peridot's hips gyrated against her hand.

Lapis started pumping, flicking past her g spot with every motion. She didn't let herself get distracted from her work on Peridot's neck, and now her chest, as she fucked her with mercilous rhythm. 

She felt blunt nails dig into her shoulder blades. Peridot said something that sounded like "Lapis" and buried her face in the side of Lapis's neck. Lapis began a mental draft of wedding vows while she listened to Peridot's gasps turn into cries of pleasure. Then she broke. There was a shudder and a moan and Lapis felt Peridot's walls clench around her fingers. Following Peridot's example, she kept her pace, not letting her climax break, marveling at everything that was Peridot. Peridot swore and panted in her ear.

Finally, Lapis let up, slowly decreasing the speed and depth of her fingers until she eventually slid free. Peridot sighed and nuzzled into her, embracing her tightly. Lapis wrapped her arms around her partner's neck and planted tired kisses on her cheek and shoulder. 

They lay there like that, holding each other, regaining their breath and basking in their respective afterglows.

"We had sex," Lapis said, breaking the silence.

"Indeed."

"I had sex," Lapis said, more gleefully.

"Do you want a high five or something?"

"No. Well, yes."

"Later. No letting go."

Lapis repositioned herself so that she was laying more comfortably on Peridot's shoulder, her arms still twined around her. "Peridot, I am officially Mentally Healthy."

"That is an incredibly false statement," Peridot said. She was smiling, content, up at the ceiling, seemingly very satisfied with herself and Lapis's performance. But apparently not so satisfied she forgot how to snark.

"Ass," Lapis murmured in an affectionate voice. Peridot reached up a hand to clutch at her roommates arm that lay across her chest. 

There was more silence. Lapis started drifting off to sleep.

"Hey Lapis?"

"Hmmngh?"

"I love you."

Lapis's world tumbled down a flight of stairs. She couldn't speak. She could barely breathe.

Peridot went stiff. "Shit, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have—it just sort of blurted out, I—"

"I love you, too." Lapis interrupted, an astonished tone in her voice. It was suddenly crystal clear and so very, very obvious. "Haha, I… I love you too. What the fuck." 

Peridot looked at her like she just rearranged the planets. "Ah, you do?"

"Yeah." Lapis felt bouyant. 

"Wow." 

Lapis snorted. "Nerd."

"You're a soul-sucking lamprey."

"Wow, harsh. Where has the romance gone…?"

"You murdered it. With your nonsense."

"You like my nonsense."

Peridot blushed and smiled, "I love your nonsense."

"Guuuuh." Lapis's usual embarrassment around romantic flattery came rushing back.

"You're kidding."

"Guuuuuuuh."

Peridot closed her eyes. "I'm going to dream that I'm involved with someone less absurd."

Lapis settled in to fall asleep. "I'm going to dream that you're taller," she said, with an exaggerated wistful sigh.

Peridot groaned, kissed her on the forehead, and drifted off in time with Lapis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nice.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after

Lapis woke up first, slowly, lazily, enjoying the warmth on her skin and the gentle rhythm of Peridot's breathing. Her eyes fluttered open. She had gotten used to cuddling, but the feeling of bare skin on bare skin was less familiar. She raised her eyes, being careful not to move. Peridot's hair was disheveled, and Lapis could see a few bruises along her collar bones from this angle. Whoops. But otherwise, she looked content and untroubled, and deeply asleep.

Lapis raised herself to one elbow, sure now that Peridot would sleep through the motion. She relived the previous night in waves of remembered sensation. The fierce heat, the bubbling up of moans and gasps in her throat, the particular sensation of Peridot's wet, warm and dexterous tongue on her body. Arousal pooled in her abdomen. That had been… worth the wait, at the very least. 

She let her eyes drift over Peridot's sleeping form. She was criminally attractive. Lapis wondered why she hadn't noticed this instantaneously. Her boobs were perfect, for one. Full and with the most tantilizingly edible looking nipples. Her mouth watered. Wow, she had it Bad. Her eyes trailed downward, marveling at the indescribable and somehow incredibly erotic way the pudge of her tummy flowed into the divets of her hips and the fullness of her thighs. Yes, definitely criminal. Felony worthy.

Then she remembered the surprising moments. The way Lapis's heart felt like bursting when Peridot called out her name. The depth of feeling that was somehow palpable in every touch. The exhilaration she felt when… when Peridot said that she loved her. And the rollercoaster-joyful-terror of realizing she loved her, too, and of saying that out loud.

Lapis rolled onto her back, side by side with her sleeping roommate. She ran her hand over her face and through her hair. This was… it was so much. Her heart thudded. It was so much she never expected, had never dreamed of having, had never thought she might deserve. 

She couldn't quite identity the feeling in her chest. It was stormy and swirling, but not unpleasant. Just… teetering into overwhelm. 

Lapis wondered what would happen next.

Peridot stirred. "Hmng?" She said, rather charmingly. She rolled over to bury her face into Lapis's shoulder, her arms pythoned around her arm, one hand interlaced with Lapis's.

"Good morning." Lapis said.

"G'morning," she mumbled, half asleep. There were a few beats, and then Peridot became wide awake, her eyes popping open. "Oh my stars," she said, "we! We!"

"We." Lapis echoed, smirking.

Peridot looked up into Lapis's eyes. She peeped, alarmed. "Are you like... Okay?"

"Mhmm," Lapis said, kissing her forehead. 

Peridot lay there in awed silence. It was hilarious, seeing her so discombobulated, especially when it was usually Lapis that was left whirling during situations like this one.

"Are you okay?" Lapis asked after a moment.

"Oh, yes, I'm very okay. Like, an amount of okay that's alarming, if that makes sense. Does that make sense? You're… you… and I, and, oh. Oh my stars." Peridot buried her blushing face in Lapis's shoulder again.

Bless this useless, incredibly gay woman. 

"Lapis?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you mean it?"

"Mean what?" Lapis had said and did a lot of things last night.

"That you... Love? Me?" Peridot almost didn't manage to say the word out loud. 

Lapis felt the metaphorical roller coaster do a loop.

"Yes." She turned so that she could hold Peridot's face in her hands. "I do."

Peridot gulped. Lapis wondered how this was the same girl that made her beg for it in bed.

"Did you mean it?" Lapis asked. A niggling doubt in the back of her mind made her wonder if Peridot was having regrets…

"What?! Of course! Lapis, I—" Peridot took a deep breath, "I love you, like, a painful amount." Peridot grabbed Lapis wrists. "Emphasis on the painful. You don't have any idea what you do to me. It is THE WORST."

"The worst, hm?" Lapis was grinning.

"See, look at you, delighting in what you've done. You are a being of pure evil. And elder god of misfortune and chaos. A—"

"I think I get it."

"Impossible!" Peridot had sat up by now, in full nerd rant mode. Lapis was flattered to be the topic of her hyperfocus for once. "You! You walk around here all! Swishy! It's like you move at a higher fps than the rest of us! How do you even do that? And another thing, you TEASE me. Incessantly. In both sexual and nonsexual contexts. It's incredibly hot. I don't know what's wrong with me for loving that you never let me have what I want. And! Oh!"

As Peridot stilled to take a breath, Lapis took the opportunity to steal her pillow so she could prop herself up more comfortably to watch the show.

"Last night! You moan like a porn star, if porn stars like, actually moaned in a sexy and not overdramatic manner. I nearly came in my pants like an overexcited teenage boy. I mean, technically, I DID come in my pants, thanks, it was very pleasant to wake up wearing sexed up khakis. You didn't even remove all of my clothes before making me squeal your name like some sort of sex puppet. A sex puppet! Me!"

Tears of repressed laughter spilled out of the corner of Lapis's eyes. She covered her mouth. A series of barely controlled snorts were leaking out despite her best efforts.

"You're laughing at me!"

"Pffffsnkkkk—no!" Lapis said.

"Ahhh!" Peridot cried. It was a war cry, it seemed. She attacked, grappling Lapis by the shoulders and pushing her off of her horded pillows.

The laughter could not longer be contained. Lapis blocked Peridot's incoming light slaps while she chortled. 

"Confess your sins, criminal!"

"I have no regrets!"

"Then perish," Peridot said ominously. 

Lapis suddenly found herself rolled off of the bed. "Ah! The floor is freezing!" Damn the fact that she had passed out naked. How could Peridot strike down a vulnerable foe like this. 

"It is cold and lifeless like the barren wastes you leave in your wake!"

Lapis was on her feet and ready for war. "You have earned yourself a dangerous enemy, Peridot." Her eyes were dark and stormy. Peridot's expression turned to one of fear.

"Lapis, I was just, yanno, playin'" she said, retreating in a crab walk. 

"The only thing you've played… is yourself!" Lapis yelled, internally very proud of that line. In one motion she flipped the comforter over Peridot's head and held down the corners with her weight. Her tiny roommate squirmed and hollered beneath her. 

"Beg for mercy," Lapis hissed.

"I'd rather die," Peridot said, slightly muffled. She wriggled harder. She managed to free her head and gasped for air. The static generated by the movement made her hair stand on end. She looked like a slice of pie. 

Lapis nearly died from asphyxiation, choking on her own laughter.

Peridot struck, taking advantage of the opening in her defenses. She freed her arms, grabbed both sides of Lapis's head, and pulled her into a kiss.

Lapis was dazzled, her laughter haulted. They had kissed several dozen times before, but it was different now. They were different now. They were.…

Well, actually, what were they?

Lapis took up quiet residence in Peridot's arms.

What did she want them to be?

"Wow, I figured I was a good kisser, but I didn't mean to render you catatonic."

"Narcissist. I just... You surprised me. I thought you were out for blood, and then you went all sweet on me."

"You know that those are just both ways I show affection."

Lapis smiled. It was true. But she was just covering up that she had something on her mind. Exchanging I love yous was… scary, but ultimately it was just saying things that were already true out loud. She came back to the question she asked herself when she first woke up. 'What happens next?' That was the really frightening part.

Lapis pushed it to the back of her mind. She crawled under the covers with the woman she loved and tangled herself in her limbs and hair. This was a good morning. She wasn't going to let herself ruin a good morning.

They lay in bed, chatting and cuddling, until hunger eventually forced them out of their cocoon.

She took back the previous statement. That was a very good morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's still plenty of fic left after this chapter, tune in next time for more useless, incredibly gay women.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GAYS TRY TO START A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP
> 
> Just kidding. Steven comes over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Until further notice, new chapters will be from Peridot's POV

Peridot was boggled. Flabbergasted. Discombobulated. Bewildered. Mystified. SHOOK.

It had been 24 hours since it had all happened. 24 hours and it had been fine. The sky didn't fall, Lapis hadn't sprouted wings and launched herself into deep space, Peridot's limbs hadn't fallen off; all in all the world was still turning as it usually did. But it had been 24 hours. 24 hours since sex and mutual orgasms and spur of the moment but reciprocated love confessions. 

Which was long enough for Peridot to convince herself that there had been some sort of insane misunderstanding. Either that, or she had imagined it all. 

She watched Lapis, being an unrepentant creep, as her taller roommate used her front-facing camera to check her hair while she lounged on their bean bag. She brushed her hands over the back, checking the length of the buzzed part of her haircut, furrowing her brows. It must be a little too long, judging by the pout on her face. Then she reached up and ran her fingers through her hair, exposing her dark roots, hmming as if she was appraising the worth of a 20th century modernist painting. And not, say, just wondering if should cut and dye her hair sooner rather than later.

Yes, there had to have been a fundamental miscommunication. Somebody had some mistaken definitions. Because there was absolutely no way that Lapis loved her the way she loved Lapis.

Finally, Lapis put her phone down, gave Pumpkin a scratch, and caught Peridot staring. She smiled, small and knowing and amused, and gave Peridot a wink. 

Yes. Absolutely no way. Because in that moment, Peridot's heart lept up into her throat and her mind furiously jotted down the story of her and Lapis's long, fulfilling, and romantic lives together. Their wedding would be on an authentic pirate ship. They would retire to the countryside, and die in each other's arms of sex-related exhaustion, some distant and beautiful fall afternoon. 

"See something over here that you like?" Lapis asked, striking a pose. 

God, yes. What was the protocol for initiating sex a second time? Was it too soon? Should she let Lapis do the initiating, since she was the one least comfortable with that sort of intimacy? Was she overthinking this way too much? Guhhh!

"I'm just trying to identify what sort of creature has taken up residence in my home," Peridot replied, "some sort of spider, maybe. Or a snake? Definitely something venomous that prefers to ambush its unsuspecting victims. Either way, I need to call an exterminator. I don't feel safe and it's always making a mess of the place." 

"Excuse me, are you implying that I am the messy one in this apartment?" Lapis sassed back. 

"No, I'm implying that you're vermin, and also the messy one in this apartment."

Lapis made the face she makes when she is delighted with Peridot's witticisms, but has to pretend to be offended as part of the game they play.

That is to say, she made Peridot's second favorite face. Which had only recently been downgraded from first place, approximately 24 hours ago. 

God, she had it so, so bad. 

Peridot's body walked her over to the beanbag chair, where she knelt in front of Lapis, settling just between her legs enough to be suggestive, and began leaving trails of kisses along the underside of her wrist and forearm.

Lapis's cheeks tinted pink. "This is very Victorian."

"M'lady," she replied, planting a kiss on her knuckles.

"Absolutely never do that again," said Lapis. She was smiling.

"M'Lapis."

Lapis planted a hand in the middle of Peridot's face to shut her up. Peridot giggled maniacally. It was only slightly muffled. 

Suddenly her face was free and Lapis's hands moved to grasp the front of Peridot's shirt. "C'mere," she said, soft. She made Peridot's third favorite face. The one that meant she should kiss her. 

So she did. 

Soft at first, like Lapis's voice had been. In somebody's pocket, a phone bleeped. Peridot put more weight into the kiss. They were not stopping to check their stupid phones. Lapis smiled against her lips and pulled Peridot up off her knees and into the chair with her. The phone bleeped again. She grabbed both of Lapis's wrists and planted them firmly against the chair. Nope. Still nope. They were busy. Lapis ran her tongue across Peridot's lower lip, still smiling, still loving Peridot's show of rebellion against the tyranny of technology. Peridot greedily caught Lapis tongue between parted lips and deepened the kiss. She loved her. They loved each other. She could do this forever.

And then two phones bleeped at once, in near unison. 

They both pulled back and groaned. "We should probably check that," Peridot admitted.

Lapis raised her phone up behind Peridot's shoulder. "It's Steven. That last one was a group message."

She turned around in Lapis's lap to see.

"Hey can I come over?

Please?

GUYS I know you're probably just watching bad tv please answer!!!"

"Bad tv..." Peridot grumbled.

Lapis texted back, "what's wrong? Is everything okay?"

"Connie is mad at me :( is it okay if I stop by and be sad?"

Lapis didn't hesitate. "Of course," she sent back. She looked down at Peridot. "I hope that's okay?"

"I would die for Steven," Peridot said, "I owe him a blood debt and we are going to let him eat every ounce of ice cream in this house, and then we are going to buy some more."

Lapis squeezed her, "I think I owe him a blood debt too."

"Oh?"

"He introduced us." Lapis became very interested in the floor.

Peridot's heart went into arythmia. 

She wondered if she would survive this long enough to get to the part where they retired to the countryside.

At least she could still shoot for dying in her arms.

\----

Soon, Steven was sitting on their couch, snuggled in the middle between the two roommates. Peridot had put a rabbit and a bowl of ice cream in his lap. Lapis had given him a fuzzy blanket, and was at work putting on his favorite 'I'm sad' show. If any two people in the world knew what to do for someone that was feeling depressed, it was Lapis and Peridot.

"Thanks, guys," Steven said. "I knew if I tried to talk to Garnet, or Pearl, or dad, they would try to fix it, or make me feel better. But I kinda just want to be upset, you know?

Yeah, Peridot knew. She had a feeling a Lapis did, too.

"What happened?" Lapis asked. She had returned to the couch beside him. Crying Breakfast Friends played on the TV. 

"Oh, well, Connie was upset because she thinks I shouldn't talk to so many strangers I meet on public transportation, and that I shouldn't trust people I just met at the Clinic... she says she worries about me."

Well, Connie kind of had a point. Peridot had done her fair share of worrying about Steven, too. 

"What did you say?"

"I said that if I didn't do that stuff, then I wouldn't have met you guys. Or even Connie! And I—I'm glad I met Connie!"

Peridot found that stutter and the feelings behind it entirely too relatable.

"What did Connie say?" 

"Basically that that still didn't make her feel better. And now she's not talking to me!"

Peridot pulled him into a side hug, "she's your best friend, she'll be back."

Steven didn't smile. "You're right, I just... wish she was back now."

There was heavy silence for a moment. Steven had a spoonful of ice cream.

"Hey, Steven?" Lapis said. "Why do you like this show?"

On the screen, Bawling Bacon stared forlornly at Sad Apple, who was singing a song about feeling lonely. They were both crying. 

"Whaaaat!" Steven cried, only spitting out a little bit of ice cream. "This show is so good! The characters are so three dimensional and real!" 

Sniffling Croissant joined in the tearful activities, gently patting Bawling Bacon's back. They started a bittersweet duet. 

"Erm," said Peridot. She didn't get it.

"So, what's the deal with Sad Apple? Why doesn't she return to the fridge? I mean, obviously at least two of the food people miss her."

"Sad Apple has been through a lot. She's bruised and has a lot of complicated feelings, and it's hard for her to talk about them."

"That's... Sad."

Steven teared up. "I know!"

Peridot definitely didn't get it.

Lapis kept on asking questions. Peridot tuned them out and focused on the show's sound design and music score, which was... actually pretty good. Outstanding even. Why did this goofy cartoon have such good composers?

She glanced at the other pair on the couch. Steven was gobbling ice cream and talking enthusiastically about the show, explaining how he knew Sad Apple was going to return, she just needed to resolve to help herself first, and she couldn't do that back at the fridge, surrounded by well-meaning but overly emotionally accommodating friends blah blah blah blah..."

Oh god. Is this what Lapis puts up with on a nearly daily basis?

She looked at the blue-haired woman at the other side of the couch. Her arm was thrown over the back of the seat. She looked relaxed and patient, and she gently smiled with private amusement.

Peridot looked away before she got caught with too much feeling in her eyes. She didn't know if they were going to tell Steven about the... new developments. She didn't know what they would tell them if they did. Officially, they were two roommates that were also friends that kissed and said 'I love you' sometimes. That sounded complicated.

She snuck another glance at Lapis. Something fluttered in her ribs. 

It didn't feel complicated. It felt... Peridot couldn't choose the correct word. Maybe 'right'? That was pretty close.

\----

A few hours later, and Steven was snoring, all wrapped up in his blanket in front of his favorite show. It was pretty adorable. Lapis turned off the T.V. and lifted him, with the tiniest bit of strain on her face, then carried him down the treacherous ladder stairs to find him a bed. He grumbled and wrapped his arms around her as they went. 

Peridot followed her in time to see her tucking him into Peridot's bed. That was probably for the best, considering... what had recently taken place in Lapis's. 

"Carry me to bed, too!" Peridot demanded.

"Hmmmm, no." Lapis replied. Instead, she grabbed Peridot's hand and pulled her along to where they'd be sleeping tonight. "You're nerd brain is too heavy and full of useless garbage. It'd snap my wrists off."

"Oh, please!" Peridot had to censor herself, just in case Steven was still a little concious. She had a lot to say about Lapis carrying her to bed last night, and how her wrists seemed to have worked just fine. In lieu of that, she entwined her fingers in Lapis's and followed her wherever she led.

Soon, they were under the covers, snuggling in their favorite position. Peridot pulled out her phone and texted Greg that Steven would be staying the night, just in case. Lapis kissed her cheek, apparently approving of her responsible thinking.

"Hey, Peridot?" she said. Her voice came out a little deep, a little choked.

"Yeah?" Peridot's heart raced.

"If I ever try to disappear on you, just... don't let me."

Peridot blinked. "Are you asking me to disrespect your boundaries?"

Lapis smiled like there was a joke in there somewhere, "haha, I guess I am."

That gave her a lot to think about. She didn't like imaging the possibility of Lapis trying to leave. Or how she would go about trying to track her down or stop her. She wondered if she would even be able to try, because of who she was as a person, and because of how the depressive episode that would most likely follow losing Lapis would effect her. Peridot had a habit of shutting down.

"Lapis... How will I know?"

"Know what?"

"If you... Actually want me to let you disappear."

Silence. Then arms around her middle. Desperate, slightly shaking arms. "I won't."

Peridot's breath hitched. "You know... We're both pretty messed up people."

"Yeah, I am. I think you're pretty okay, though."

Peridot had to chuckle at that one. "I think I'm more messed up than you are."

"Impossible."

Peridot decided to let her believe that.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back to work

Monday. Time to go back to work. Ugh.

As much as Peridot was reluctant to have to spend any time acting professionally around Lapis, it was probably for the best. Peridot had to admit her internal monologuing had been over-abundantly sappy. And that was saying something, considering how sappy it had been for a long while now. Maybe having something else to focus on would break the spell a little bit. Peridot had her fair share of pride, and the whole love-struck puppy dog thing was just... a little much.

Yeah, that didn't work. Lapis was still there, moving that particular way she does, periodically wiping a bit of sweat off her brow in the sun, occasionally shooting Peridot a sly smile when they crossed paths during the work day. Hell's bells, why did she look so good in a baseball cap? Ahhhhh!

Peridot retreated at some point to the break room, breaking line of sight and hopefully decreasing her internal temperature. A few of the turf-and-trees crew were taking a breather and dealing a round of poker around the break table.

"Peridot! Come join us!" Carnelian shouted. She dealt Peridot a hand and patted the chair beside her.

For a moment, Peridot hesitated. Cards had never been her thing. Well, she had never tried, really, though she had seen others play enough to know the rules. It seemed silly. Betting was basically making predictions based on probability, right? There were a finite number of hands, a finite number of combinations, and a finite number of those combinations counting for something along a somewhat arbitrary ranking system. Any fool with a handle on simple mathematical concepts could come up with a decent system that balanced the risks and rewards involved in placing bets.

"Okay," Peridot said, scooping up her cards. She had accidentally talked herself into it. 

"Five bucks gets you in!"

Peridot was pretty sure using actual money in a poker game on country club property was illegal. It was at least against company policy. She dug a five out of her pocket and handed it to Carnelian. She gave her a bunch of quarters in exchange, to use as chips.

Peridot wondered how often they did this.

And so, Peridot found herself blissfully distracted, placing bets, breaking just a little bit even, and engaging in some good old fashioned trash talking.

Then Lapis walked in. Her heart skipped. 

"Gambling?" Lapis gasped, feigning great offense, "in my good Christian break room?" She walked over and leaned on the back of Peridot's chair, peeking at her cards. Peridot felt the room get hotter.

Peridot continued playing, doing an impressive job of maintaining her concentration with Lapis's breath occasionally fluttering her hair. Soon, it was time to place their final bets. Peridot didn't have much. Just a pair of sevens. Statistically unremarkable. She decided to fold. 

"Wait," Lapis whispered in her ear. "Look smug, go all in."

Peridot shivered, but maintained her stoic facial expression as best she could. A poker face was an important aspect of the game. It was in the name. 

She tapped at her two cards, trying to stealthily convey that she had a shit hand and there was no way she was going to win.

"C'mon, trust me," Lapis whispered.

Damn her. Damn her!

"I'm all in," Peridot said, grinning a shit-eating grin as instructed, even though she was internally mourning the money she had managed to win so far. She shoved her meager but personally significant pile into the center of the dirty table.

A hush descended upon the break room. Skinny looked downright fearful. 

Suddenly, Peridot got it. She had established herself as a level-headed, consistent player. Lapis knew she would play that way. Lapis knew her. And all of a sudden, shes betting it all. 

With nothing to back it up.

But her co-workers didn't know that last part.

One by one, all the other players folded.

Stunned, she raked in her winnings. She... won? On a bluff!

Lapis got up from her perch and walked out of the break room.

"Uh, I'm cashing out," Peridot said. She shoved the change and loose ones into her pocket, then jingled as she trotted after the blue-haired woman. The crew booed behind her. 

Peridot caught up to Lapis outside. "I can't believe that worked."

Lapis shrugged and grinned. "I get half those winnings, by the way. I'm thinking mushroom pizza for dinner."

Typical Lapis. Peridot rested a hand on her forehead. "I can't believe I did that. Any sensible player would have folded. If any of them had stayed in the game, I could have lost everything."

"Yeah, true. But you didn't fold, and you didn't lose." Lapis shrugged. "I guess you trust me."

It was true. With everything. "Yes, unfortunately. A poor choice on my part, falling in with a backsliding scoundrel that roped me into hustling my coworkers! What do you have to say for yourself?"

Lapis laughed, mouth open, nose scrunched, with just a tiny bit of snorting for punctuation. Then she looked at Peridot that particular way she looked at Peridot, and said, mirthfully, "I love you."

That was the first time she had said those words since... well, the first time she said them. Peridot's insides folded themselves into advanced origami. This wasn't a spur of the moment post-coitus love confession, taking place in their own little cloistered apartment. This was... out in the open, while they were both thinking clearly, where someone might hear. And it was also a second time, which implied there might be a third, or maybe even more than that? Peridot wondered how many more times there would be. Fuck, she would sell her soul to know the exact number of I love yous she would hear in that voice. 

Oh, shit, she'd been walking beside Lapis in a state of near-catatonic daze for... how long had it been? She had dissociated a little there. "Oh! I-I-I love you, too!" She finally replied.

"Don't hurt yourself there, Per'," Lapis said.

"Guhhhh," was Peridot's only reply. Wow, she sure is a smooth operator. She had literally stuttered. 

Lapis giggled. There was no other word for it. It was high and tinkling and ridiculous.

"What was that."

Lapis smiled sheepishly. "You're just... really fucking adorable."

That one stopped Peridot in her tracks. Lapis glanced over her shoulder. "I've got to go water the flower bed by the 9th green," she said, still walking. She roved her eyes up and down Peridot's figure, taking her time, making sure Peridot caught her. "I'll see you after work."

Peridot clutched at her shirt over her heart. No, there was no escaping it. No amount of distraction or rational caution was going to lessen the severity. She was utterly, and embarrassingly, head over heels for Lapis.

The only thing she could possibly do at this point was embrace it.

\----

"Entry date: 7.21.18 6:30p

There was a sixth event this evening. I was cleaning the dishes while Lapis put leftovers away. We had tried our hand at baking enchiladas based on a recipe from a co-worker. It was a mixed success. After depositing said leftovers in the fridge, Lapis leaned over, kissed me on the temple, and said, 'I love you.'

I do not know what prompted this event. Lapis does not care enough about cleanliness to be rewarding me for performing my share of kitchen chores. No pattern is emerging; events continue to be seemingly random. 

I look forward to accruing more points of data."

Peridot closed her journal and slid it into its secret place under her mattress. She didn't think Lapis would snoop, but... It was best to be cautious. The contents were very confidential, even from Lapis. Especially from Lapis. 

Upstairs, she heard Lapis talking at the TV. Percy must be doing something dumb on screen. Peridot smiled. Lapis had already started rewatching her favorite CPH episodes. In order. So basically, the whole series over again. So soon after the first time. So relatable. 

There was a knock at the door.

"Peridot Lapis Peridot Lapis!" someone shouted from the other side. She recognized Steven's voice and got up to let him in.

Steven flew through the door and enveloped Peridot in an almost painful hug. 

"Hey, Steven," she croaked.

"Steven!" Lapis yelled from the loft, peering down at the two of them.

"Hi 'Dot, hi Lapis! I had to come tell you guys right away—Connie and I made up!" He finally released Peridot to go hug Lapis, who had joined them on the proper floor of the apartment. 

"That's great, Steven!" Lapis said. 

"Yeah!" Steven let go so he could speak to the both of them. "We ran into each other and talked it out. I told her that I understood why she was upset, because I do understand, now, and she smiled, and she had this cute new haircut, and we talked some more, and now she's speaking to me again and I'm so happy!"

Lapis gave him a high five. They both expressed their congratulations. His happiness was their happiness. 

He beamed. Peridot fought the urge to adopt him.

Naturally, since Steven was there, it turned into a movie night. They watched a bad dub of a cheesy Kung Fu movie while Steven filled them in on the details of how it went with Connie, with perhaps a little too much time spent on the specifics of Connie's new hair cut. Peridot and Lapis exchanged knowing looks behind his back. 

"I'm gonna make us some popcorn," Lapis announced. "Need anything, Steven?"

"No thanks!"

"Dove?"

"Will you grab me a soda?" Peridot replied.

"Sure thing." Lapis said, descending the stairs.

On screen, the main character threw his sword at a swathe of mooks, sending them flying outward from the whirling blade. Heheh, cool.

"Peridot."

"Hm?" She said, turning to him.

She was not prepared for the gaze he was directing at her. It was brighter than the sun. She squinted. "What?"

"Was that... A pet name I just heard?"

"A what?" Peridot mentally rewound the conversation. Lapis went to get popcorn, asked Steven if she wanted anything, asked her if she wanted anythi—oh. 

Oh.

When did... when did Lapis start calling her pet names? And how long had she been nonchalantly responding to them? "Uhhh, no?" She replied.

"Are you two datiiiing?" He sang.

"Eep! No! And shush!" She glanced at Lapis. It looked like she couldn't hear them over the popping.

"She called you 'dove', though! It was really cute!"

"That doesn't mean anything..."

He gave her a skeptical look.

Peridot started to sweat.

"So, you're not dating," Steven said, relaxing into the couch.

"Yes. Right." They weren't. Not really. Nobody had ever said the d-word. 

"Why don't you ask her out, then?"

Peridot shrieked. Lapis looked up for a second. She turned back to her popcorn, evidently deciding that that wasn't weird enough Peridot behavior for her to investigate. Thank God. 

"It's not that simple, Steven!" She whispered. 

"How come?"

"Because! Because." Peridot paused. She could tell that her face was red because of the heat radiating off of it. 

"Awww, you're shy!"

"No!" That wasn't it. Well, not entirely. They both had a lot of baggage. Especially Lapis, when it comes to relationships. "I don't want to... scare her away."

Steven looked at Lapis, then back at Peridot. "I don't know, she was the one that called you a cute name. I think she likes you back."

"You d-do? Wait. I never said I liked her like that!" She hadn't.

Steven grinned. "You didn't have to, Peri."

The popping stopped. Lapis was coming back. 

"Do not speak of this!" Peridot hissed at him, trying to will away her blush and focusing very intently on the movie.

Lapis gave Steven the popcorn bowl, popped open Peridot's drink, stole a sip, and then handed it to her. Steven snickered.

"Thanks."

Lapis shot her some lazy finger guns.

This was going to be a long movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Look smug, go all in," is my new life motto.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makin' plans

"Why do they have an outdoor event in August. It is literally the hottest month." Lapis said. She was googling the schedule for the fair that was coming to town while she sipped some afternoon tea. Steven had adamantly insisted on them going. He said he needed chaperones or Connie's parents wouldn't let her come.

"We work outside in the heat all the time and you don't complain," Peridot replied after swallowing a bite of her sandwich. They sat at the kitchen table together.

"That's like... work sweaty. This is going to be free time sweaty. It's different."

Peridot didn't get it. "What time do you want to go to the fair, weirdo?"

"Since it's dumb and August and hot, I want to go later in the day. But the petting zoo packs up at seven pm, and Steven will be devastated if he misses that, so like.. sixish?"

Peridot got out her own phone and texted Steven that they would pick them up at 5:45. "When did I become a chauffeur for three children? I think I am being used. Why do none of Steven's moms or dad ever take him anywhere? He's got like... four of them."

"Oh no... he's collecting parents. We might be next."

Peridot put on a horrified look, "no! I'm not ready to raise a family, I haven't even paid off my student loans!"

Lapis chortled. "You're right. We're more like his weird gay aunts."

Well... She's not wrong. "I'll hold that title with great honor."

Lapis smiled small to herself. It was cute. "You look daydreamy over there, Laz," Peridot said, being unabashedly nosy. "Care to share with your bestie?"

"Please strike that word from your vocabulary." Lapis stuck out her tongue.

"Avoiding the subject!" 

Lapis blinked a few times and looked out the window. "I was just... uh, imagining what sweet relief it will be when I get my license back. I'll never have to be seen in your horrid jalopy again. I wonder what kind of car I'll get. Oh man, something with power windows would be divine..." She sighed wistfully, her chin in her hands.

Peridot was offended. But also, Lapis had brought up her probation situation, which made Peridot wonder. "How long until you get your license back?"

"Oh." Lapis snapped back into semi-seriousness. "Uhm... about six months, actually." She smiled. "Hey, I'm halfway there. Nice."

Peridot smiled too. 

But then Lapis's smirk faltered. Peridot could hear Lapis's breath become shallow. "Lapis?" she said, instinctively placing a hand on her roommate's knee.

Lapis took a strained deep breath. "Sorry, I was just..."

"It's okay. What happened?" 

"I thought too much." Lapis said, avoiding eye contact.

"You? Thinking? Hold on, I think I'm feeling shaken up, too."

Lapis lifted her eyes to glare, grin, and land a punch against Peridot's shoulder. 

Peridot rubbed at the tender spot. Worth it. "What was this rare and effervescent thought about?"

Lapis entwined her fingers in the hand that was resting reassuringly on her knee. "It will be easier to drink in six months." 

Oh. "You're afraid you'll start drinking again without a probation officer checking in on you?"

"Yeah."

Peridot didn't have any experience with addiction. She swallowed, praying she wouldn't say the wrong thing and do more harm than good. This wasn't something they had really talked much about. "Was it bad? Before?"

Lapis looked at her, a bit surprised. "Heh, jeez, I forget sometimes that I met you after that whole mess." She leaned back in her chair and took a breath. "And it was just... I—" Her words stuck in her throat.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Peridot assured her, speaking just a little bit too fast.

Lapis brushed her thumb over Peridot's hand. "No, I want to! I'm so tired of running away. From my problems, from my feelings, everything." She bit her lip. Her free hand was balled into a fist. 

Feelings. Peridot desperately wanted to hear about those feelings. In detailed and precise language. She shoved her need for information to the side so that Lapis could lead the conversation. "I'm listening," she said simply.

Lapis tilted her head towards Peridot and looked into her eyes. "I know," she said, with an emotion in her voice and on her face that made Peridot feel like she was... like she was everything. 

And then she turned away to stare at the ceiling again. Peridot unswallowed her tongue.

"I didn't think it was bad at the time," Lapis began. "I just thought I was an early twenty-something college student. You know, you're supposed to drink a little too much, a little too often. I didn't realize how bad it was until I had to stop." She cleared her throat. "I was an angry drunk. I pushed my friends away. My grades were shitty and I didn't show up to classes, but I did show up to Jasper's."

Anger roiled in Peridot's chest at the mention of Jasper. Her own history with the aggressive woman came into her mind. She breathed through it. 

"Which was so incredibly dumb. I knew we weren't good together, especially when we were wasted. But that's the only place I wanted to be after a couple of drinks. She was the only person in my life that didn't let me push her away. And I think I just wanted to feel something. I didn't care what it was."

Peridot tasted bitterness, like an uncoated pill on her tongue. 

"Sorry, that... might not be fun to hear about."

Peridot almost lied, but knew better than to tarnish the honesty of the conversation. "...It's not exactly pleasant. But I want to hear it, if you want to say it." 

Lapis squeezed her hand. "That's the last I'll say about me and J-word in this story. Getting sober was... awful. And a wake up call. I didn't think it would be so damn hard. It was only alcohol, right? Social lubricant, something to take the edge off, you know? But I craved it. Really, really craved it." Lapis swallowed. "I still do, sometimes. Not very often. But enough to scare me."

"But you've never slipped up."

"Yeah, you're right." She looked almost reassured, momentarily. "But there's immediate consequences for that sort of thing right now. Instead of slow ones."

"Slow ones?"

"I... was like a different person back then. I don't want to lose myself again." Lapis swiveled in her seat so she could face Peridot directly. "And now I don't want to lose you."

Peridot's soul left her body. "Lose me?" Her voice broke.

Lapis nodded, an urgent look in her eyes. "I don't want to lose... this."

'What is this,' a voice in Peridot's head screamed, 'what are we, what don't you want to lose, what are we doing, what do you want us to be?' Her mouth went dry.

Peridot wrangled her tongue through sheer force of will. "What, you think I won't stage an intervention? You can't get away from me that easily! I will tie you down if I have to. I need your rent money."

Lapis smiled and snorted derisively, "how will I make money if you have me in restraints?"

"Hm, you have a point. Maybe I'll just keep you around as cheap entertainment."

"Kinky." 

"Hwuh!" Peridot choked. "That's not how I meant it!"

"Sure, sure, only the purest intentions from dear Peri." Lapis waggled her eyebrows.

Peridot's face went hot. She covered it by pretending to think, her hand on her face. "Wait, is bondage on the table?"

Lapis smooshed her hand into Peridot's face. "I'm going to go get ready for the fair, miscreant." As she stood up, she moved her hand to comb through Peridot's hair. It was such a tender gesture that Peridot wanted to cry. 

She walked, no, danced, across their flat to the bathroom. The door clicked shut.

Peridot stared at the place where Lapis had been. 

A chicken-shit. That's what Peridot was. A gutless coward. A spineless, pithless puss. She'd been so close. It would have been so easy, the moment was right in front of her, the diem ready to be carpe'd. And she had told a dumb joke instead.

She stewed in her own uselessness and self-pity, sitting there at the table, alone. 

Her phone buzzed. She looked at it hollowly. Steven had agreed to the time she had chosen to pick him up.

The fair. 

With nothing else to do, she got up to get ready for that evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I get it, Lapis. Free time sweaty IS different.


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> THE FAIR, THE FAIR, THE FAIR!
> 
> Edit: Expect slower updates, I'm dealing with a wrist injury

Peridot was unable to stay in her funk for long. For one, Lapis was wearing a striped sleeveless crop top and shorts small enough to start riots. And secondly, Steven was beside himself with contagious excitement.

He bounced in the backseat next to Connie. He was literally causing her tiny car to rock. "THE FAIR, THE FAIR, THE FAIR!" 

Connie joined in the bouncing and the chanting. Peridot feared for her suspension. And her ear drums. 

Meanwhile, Lapis was lounging in the passenger seat, unflustered. She was likely feeding on the chaos.

Peridot pulled out of her parking spot in front of Connie's house and headed for 'the fair the fair the fair'.

"Do you think the petting zoo has goats?" Steven asked, addressing no one in particular.

"I think so. What kind of petting zoo doesn't have a goat?" Connie replied.

"The saddest kind…" he said.

The kids continued to make various predictions about the county fair as Peridot drove and Lapis hummed along to the tinny car radio. 

A soft, warm glow had settled down in Peridot's chest. This was… nice. Life was nice. Even if she was a coward and couldn't ask out the girl of her dreams to save her own life. That figure of speech was barely an exaggeration. She was slowly dying. 

In the distance, the towering amusement park rides came into view. The volume of the chattering in the back seat picked up, an Lapis leaned forward in her seat. 

Peridot navigated the increasing traffic with a stupid grin on her face. Childlike excitement was buzzing between her neurons. She found herself leading the carload into another round of chanting.

Soon, they found a parking spot, and Steven and Connie dashed out of their seats and flew off at a mad tilt toward the ticket booths. 

"Wait," Peridot cried, scrambling out the car door, "I'm old and have tiny legs!" She heard Lapis snorting besides her. 

Lapis grasped her hand and started pulling her towards the crowds and festivities. "C'mon, tiny legs, you won't catch up by standing there yapping!" They took off at a jaunt, giggling like idiots and giving no thought to the fact that they were technically adults.

Peridot might be slowly dying, but at least she was dying happy.

\-----

Steven handed Peridot his new giant bear-shaped plush. "Will you watch this for me? Connie wants to ride the Ferris wheel. " 

Peridot nodded, accepting her best gay aunt duties solemnly. He gave her a thumbs up and flip-flopped into the crowd.

While she waited, she took in the sights. The sun had set, and thousands of colored bulbs were flashing in patterns all across the rides, game booths, and food kiosks, illuminating the fair grounds in that unique and nostalgic glow. It was something else. 

Lapis appeared beside her, holding a newly acquired cone of cotton candy. She was pulling tiny tufts of fluff out by her fingers and placing them on her tongue to dissolve. Peridot tried not to stare. Or yell at her. The only TRUE way to eat cotton candy was face first.

"Hey," Lapis said, gesturing to the fair prize in Peridot's arms. "That thing is nearly as big as you are." 

"It is dwarfed by the size of the mental pain your mere presence gives rise to." 

"Aw, you flatter me," Lapis said. She peered at the giant polyester stuffed animal again. "I still can't believe you won that monster for him. Why are you supernaturally good at ring toss?"

Peridot thought about that for a moment. "I honestly have no idea. But it was fun showing off, anyway."

Lapis chortled, "I was impressed."

Peridot felt a disproportionate amount of pride in response. 

"So, where are our children?"

"They're on the Ferris Wheel," Peridot replied, gesturing toward the monument to human engineering and bad sense.

Lapis looked up, watching the cars slowly rotate around the wheel. She gasped and elbowed Peridot, "Dove, look."

Peridot rubbed her arm and followed Lapis's eyes. She recognized Steven and Connie from the distance, sitting close, with Connie's head resting on Steven's shoulder. Peridot nearly formed a spontaneous cavity. "Oh my stars."

Lapis looked proud. Then, she tapped her chin with a finger. "Wait a minute, I think we've been tricked into being third wheels. How could he?"

Time slowed down. This was it. Opportunity had struck twice in the same day. And this time, she would absolutely not fuck it up. 

"We don't have to be," Peridot said from about five feet above her own body.

"Hm?" Lapis said, one eyebrow raised.

"It could be a double date." 

Lapis's other eyebrow raised to match the first. Peridot stood there like she was facing the firing squad.

And then Lapis turned her back on her. Peridot's heart went into cardiac arrest. She willed herself to dissolve like wet cotton candy. 

"Okay." Lapis said.

"What," Peridot croaked.

Lapis looked over her shoulder, so Peridot could see the tiniest bit of her face. "Okay. It's a date."

Peridot had not prepared for this outcome. "Holy shit."

Lapis snorted. "Nerd." 

Peridot was getting real tired of not being able to see her roommate's face. Her date's face! She trotted in front of her. "What are you hiding back here?"

Lapis dropped the last of her cotton candy and hid her face in her hands. "Nothing."

"Deceiver!" And litterer. Peridot set down her fluffy charge and grabbed Lapis's wrists. "Show yourself!"

The blue-haired girl relented, pulling her hands away from her face. She was blushing something mad, an absolute charicature of bashful overwhelm. 

"You're preposterous," Peridot breathed. "You come on to me constantly. You've seen me naked. More than once."

"Shut up."

"You're such a nerd. And a hippocrite." 

"Shush!" Lapis retorted, moving to hide her face again. 

Peridot held her wrists back. "No, come back, we need to discuss our terms!"

Lapis recovered a little so that she could give Peridot a judgmental stare. "Terms."

"Yes! Terms. I want to make sure that I understand. And that you understand."

Lapis pulled her hands down. Peridot caught one of them to hold.

"So, we're on a date." Peridot said.

"Yeah," Lapis said, obviously fighting the urge to fold in on herself like a turtle at its first school dance. 

"Are we… 'dating?'"

Lapis tried to speak, but all that came out was a sort of soft squeak. She nodded instead.

Peridot wondered what sort of paperwork had to be filled out in order to throw an actual parade. "Okay, good, heh. Can I tell people?"

"Who do you want to tell?"

"Everyone." Peridot declared.

Lapis froze a moment, then nodded.

Yes. Yes yes yes yes yes. "When I tell them, can I say that you're—" Her tongue suddenly refused to cooperate.

"That I'm?"

"That you're my. My."

Lapis finally stopped looking like she had swallowed a handful of live bees. Joy in the face of Peridot's discomfort was her primary emotion, trumping all others. "Your girlfriend?"

Peridot made a noise not unlike a car failing to turn over.

Lapis's expression turned to one of gleeful malice. She snaked her arms over Peridot's shoulders. "C'mon, now I have to make you say it."

Peridot's engine failed to start a second time.

Lapis laughed and rested her forehead on Peridot's. "Say it, or I'm dumping you."

"You're a devil."

"A devil, and?"

"You're a devil and my." Peridot wrapped her arms around Lapis's waist. "And my girlfriend." Her voice only broke a little bit.

Lapis moved to close the distance between them. Peridot leaned away. "Aren't we supposed to wait until the end of the first date for a kiss?" She teased. 

"We have done absolutely everything in the wrong order so far, why stop now?"

She had a point. And Peridot didn't need much convincing. 

Their lips met. Lapis tasted like cotton candy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Took 'em long enough.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is entirely superfluous smut and I have no regrets.
> 
> I'm still functioning at 50% wrist capacity so bear with me on the less frequent updates.

Peridot ran her fingers under the tap, adjusting the temperature a little bit overprecisely, but she deserved the best. She had done it. She'd asked Lapis to be her girlfriend, and in a bizarre and delightful turn of events, she had said yes. Peridot was elated. 

But grimey. Maybe free-time sweaty WAS different, or maybe there was some kind of synergy occuring between the persperation, fair dust, and sticky kiosk foods. Either way, she was gross. She pulled the little... thingy that you pull to divert water from the bath tap to the shower head, double-checked the temperature, and hopped in.

Ah, sweet relief. 

She let the water flow over her, enjoying that wonderful, relaxing feeling of getting clean after an exciting day. A very exciting day, if she should say so herself. She looked forward to writing the epic down in her journal. Maybe she'd publish it as moving literature.

She heard the door to the bathroom open and shut, and then something shuffled.

"Uhm, Lapis?" Peridot called out, a little bit scared, if she was being honest. She had watched a few too many horror movies. 

"Hey," Lapis replied, then pulled back the shower curtain a little bit, peaking at her coyly. "Room for one more?"

"Buh. Yes," Peridot said. It was the only rational response to such a question, regardless of the diminuitive status of their shower. Lapis threw back the shower curtain like she was a stage magician and vaulted over the lip of the tub. A blast of air hit Peridot.

"Hey! Cold!"

Lapis just snickered in response, then pressed herself up against Peridot, running a few fingertips up her spine. 

"I guess I'll have to warm you back up." 

Peridot heard choir music. Lapis twirled the pair of them, stealing access to the blessedly warm water. "Hey," Peridot protested, "thief!" 

"Fight me for it."

"...hmph." Peridot was hesitant to engage, at this point. Lapis had warrior's blood in her veins. Instead, she just watched with fascination as sheets of water ran down her girlfriend's sublime figure. Lapis winked at her, then leaned her head under the spray, letting the water and her hair fall into her eyes. A foolish decision, leaving herself vulnerable to counter attack. Or maybe it was a show of dominance, demonstrating just how little she was scared of Peridot's possible retaliations. What a beast.

A few of the rivulets streaming out of Lapis's hair took on a blue tint. Peridot cupped her hand against Lapis's chest, capturing the colored water. "So, this is why the bathtub always has a ring of technicolor soap scum."

Lapis shook her hair out of her eyes and took a gander. She grinned. "It's how I mark my territory."

"Your territory marking is costing us a fortune in shower cleaner." 

"Self-expression is priceless, Dottie." Lapis grabbed a bottle of body wash and a green shower pouf from the wire shelf hanging from their shower head. 

"Hey, that's mine, too!" Peridot protested.

"I know. Turn around." 

Oh. That's where this was going, then. Okay. Peridot became very aware of the fact that she had nowhere to hide as the heat of a blush crawled down her face and neck. She did as she was told, turning around.

She heard a pop, a spurt of soap, and the sound of Lapis working up a lather. Peridot shivered. Then, she felt the sudsy pouf against her back, moving in slow circles, accompanied by Lapis's now slippery fingertips. 

To say it was incredibly erotic would be an understatement.

"What sort of amazing karmic feat did I perform to be blessed with this pampering?" She asked. Talking would keep at least a little blood directed to her brain, she hoped.

Lapis snaked her hands to Peridot's front, pressing her body against hers in the process. They slid against each other frictionlessly. "I wanted to thank you. For tonight. It was an excellent date."

Peridot verbally keysmashed.

Lapis laughed against her ear and moved a sudsy hand over Peridot's chest, circling a nipple. She dropped the shower pouf nonchalantly and added her other hand to the fun, snaking that one lower, playing at Peridot's hip bones.

"In that case, I'm going to take you on a thousand more excellent dates," Peridot stammered. 

Lapis lost her rhythm. Peridot realized the level of commitment she had implied in that lust-drunk statement.

But then Lapis picked up where she left off, and placed a kiss on the shell of her ear. "Good," she said huskily. Peridot felt fingers ghost over her most responsive places. Simultaneously, Lapis wrapped her lips around her earlobe and sucked gently, humming low in her throat.

Peridot feared she would pass out. Her hands dove into Lapis's hair, as if she could keep the room from spinning by holding on to something. Lapis used her free hand to turn Peridot's head so she could trail her tongue along the shell of her ear. Her mouth and fingertips moved in time, running slickly over their targetted erogenous zones. 

Peridot realized she was gasping. "Ah-ah-ah! Please, Lapis," she pleaded. It was at once too much and not enough sensation.

Lapis guided her to the shower wall and spun her about face. Her lips and tongue found Peridot's. The kiss was urgent and warm and nearly reverent.

They parted. "I love you," Lapis whispered. Peridot wheezed the words in return. She realized she had lost count of the I-love-yous they had exchanged. Her feelings were mixed. She wanted a record, but was thrilled that there had been enough times that she could lose track.

Lapis descended, moving down Peridot's torso with sugar-sweet rapid-fire kisses. Peridot gave in to the urge to stroke her cheek with a thumb. Her girlfriend caught her hand, brought it to her lips, and then guided it to rest in her hair. 

And then Lapis was on her knees.

She lifted one of Peridot's legs onto the lip of their tub, granting herself easy access, and ran a hungry tongue over every sensitive nerve between Peridot's legs.

A squeak echoed in the confined space as one of Peridot's wet hands fought for a grip against the wall tiles. 

Lapis doubled over laughing.

"Ah, no, don't stop!" Peridot panted. They could laugh about this later. Right now, there was an urgent fire raging in her loins. Despite all the water.

Lapis laid a kiss on her hip bone and gripped at Peridot's thighs. "Yes ma'am," she said. Peridot felt Lapis tongue again and her hips bucked of their own accord.

"Ah, lovely, gorgeous," Peridot said to the ceiling, her head craned back against the cool tile as Lapis drew shapes against her clit. Or maybe she was writing a novel in cursive. A best-seller. Lips closed around the bundle of nerves.

And then Lapis started sucking.

If the neighbors were sleeping, they weren't anymore. Lapis drank at her like she was a thick milkshake. Peridot clamped a hand over her own mouth to muffle her moans and save them from a noise complaint. She felt a hand wander up her inner thighs, then tease at her entrance. "Lapis, beautiful, you're amazing," Peridot rambled, daring to part her fingers so she could mutter praises. White-hot heat was pooling deep in her abdomen. "Ah, I love you, I'm going to, fuck–"

Peridot clamped her hand back down, feeling herself about to break, and knowing that it was going to inspire some volume.

Lapis gave her one last flutter of her tongue, wrapped her lips around her, and curled two slickened fingers inside of her and against the that most sensitive spot of flesh. Then, with a power-drunk grin on her face, she launched her assault, fucking Peridot mercilessly along two fronts, digging possessive fingertips into her thigh with with the hand that wasn't knuckles deep inside of her.

Peridot surrendered. Lapis must have somehow kept her upright, because her legs turned to jelly as she clamped around Lapis's fluttering fingers. Pain bloomed on the back of her skull where she had knocked against the tile as she arched her spine. But she didn't care. Couldn't. Her entire consciousness was wrapped up entirely in riding the waves of her climax as Lapis lapped up the flood.

"God, why are you so fucking sexy," Peridot panted when she dared uncover her mouth. She slid down the side of the shower and joined Lapis on the floor. The water was running luke warm. "Its almost infuriating. Why. What sort of devil did you make a deal with? How man virgins had to be sacrificed? Explain yourself, sorceress."

"Oops, did I not mention this? I am a demon succubus. Once I give you a 666th orgasm, your soul is mine forever."

Peridot peppered her forehead with kisses. "That seems fair." 

Lapis reached back and shut off the tap. "Shower sex is not very eco friendly," she remarked, raising to her feet and pulling Peridot with her. 

Peridot wobbled. "The rainforest would understand."

"Would it now?"

"Of course. Plants are absolute sluts. Pistils and stamens just, all out there, on literal display. Shooting spores everywhere. Those freaks will pollinate anybody. It's shameless." She nuzzled into Lapis's boobs as she spoke, giving in to her body's post-orgasm demand for cuddling. 

"You have thought about this too much." Lapis said, leading Peridot out of the shower and into a towel. 

Peridot begrudgingly released her girlfriend to dry her rapidly chilling hair. "What do you think about while you're holding a hose all day? Our job can be pretty mentally understimulating. I will not apologise."

Lapis went silent.

"What, what did I say?"

"Nothing."

Peridot discarded her towel and leveled a skeptical stare at her.

"Okay! Jeez." Lapis hung up her own towel. It was lightly stained blue. She should have given her shit earlier about the cost of laundry supplies along with the shower cleaner. "When I'm standing around, watering our high maintenance flower children, I guess I'm usually thinking about… you."

Peridot nearly crumbled to dust. "Lapis." 

"Mhmm?" she said. She was fidgeting with her hands, as if she was consciously resisting her usual impulse to physically hide when things got sappy between them.

"Lapis, I'm going to fuck the shit out of you." 

Lapis's spine straightened. "Oh?"

"Oh yes!" Peridot cried, coming at her with fingers hooked into claws.

The blue-haired woman bolted, laughing maniacally, swinging the bathroom door shut behind her to slow down her pursuer. "Work for it!"

Peridot roared. "Get your ass back here so I can destroy it!" She dashed into the main room. Lapis was cackling from behind the kitchen table.

So... that's the way it was going to be.

And so, they darted back and forth around the table like idiot children, with Lapis occasionally knocking over a chair in an apparent attempt to break Peridot's ankles in the name of flirtatious hijinks. 

It was time to resort to desperate manouevers to break the stalemate. Peridot moved to vault the table.

"Oh my god," Lapis crowed, "are you crawling naked over the kitchen table? That is where we EAT."

"Oh, I plan on eating something." 

Lapis snorted in her incredibly adorable way and juked right, diving between Peridot's makeshift bedroom curtains with a comical fluttering sound. Peridot scrambled off the table with only a little clumsy tripping, and made chase.

She threw open the curtains.

"Oh nooo," Lapis over-acted, posing sensually on the bed like a young Burt Reynolds. "I've fallen!" She brought her wrist up to her forehead in damsel fashion. 

Peridot played up the evil in her default laugh. "Fool! A fatal misstep!" She belly flopped onto the mattress. Her breath was coming fast. "Just let me… savor this moment," she panted, laying sprawled over the covers.

Lapis began drawing shapes on her back with a fingertip. "The great and lovable Peridot: winner of hearts, destroyer of ass, and lacker of lung capacity." 

"I'll show you lung capacity," Peridot growled.

"Please, do." 

Challenge accepted.

\----

Somehow, a thought drifted into Peridot's conciousness. She had thought about submitting the story of this night as literature, when she had been spacing out in the shower, but the story of their evening probably no longer qualified as a romance. This was straight up trashy erotica. 

'Somehow' was an important conjunctive adverb in the previous paragraph, because Peridot was surprised she was able to formulate any sort of coherent thought at her current oxygen level. She lifted Lapis a few inches upward with the strength that comes to those in mortal peril and swallowed as much air as she could. The window didn't last long. Lapis groaned and ground down against Peridot's face, crushing her between her thighs. Peridot looked up at Lapis's downright sloppy expression. Both of her hands white-knuckle gripped the headboard to keep her from toppling off her seat as she road her girlfriend's face. 

"Oh, holy shit" Lapis swore, shuddering, "still okay?" That last part came out as a single gasped word.

Peridot tapped at a thigh once. That meant 'yes'. Twice meant 'no', and three times meant 'I am dying'. She wondered at the wisdom of making that last one the greatest number of taps.

"Oh, thank god," Lapis moaned, "keep doing exactly that."

'Exactly that' happened to be thrusting deep inside Lapis with her tongue. Peridot happily obliged.

She'd remember this moment on her deathbed.

But enough about Peridot. It was becoming abundantly clear for a number of reasons that Lapis was close. Very close. Peridot just needed a little something to push her over the edge. But what?

She formulated a somewhat risky plan. But if it worked, oh, would it be so very worth it. 

As a reconnaissance mission, she kneaded her fingers deep into Lapis's asscheeks, gouging just a little bit with her nails. Lapis let out a moaning, "o-oo-oh!" So far, so good. She knew Lapis liked a little bit of pain from the way she turned into a slack-jawed mess after some light hair pulling. But how much?

Peridot's tongue began to cramp as Lapis clenched down around it, fighting her movements. She couldn't keep this up much longer. It was time to go for broke. She released one cheek and pulled back her hand, lifting it on the outside of Lapis's thigh. She wiggled her fingers. Lapis caught the movement from underneath her furrowed brows. Mental gears turned. Peridot spread the fingers of her hand wide. 

Lapis finally got it. Her eyes went a little wider. "Oh! Oh—"

Peridot's hand swung around and landed on Lapis's asscheek with an audible smack.

That one must have stung. 

"—FUCK," Lapis yelped. It was apparently the good variety of shouted swearing, since it was swiftly accompanied by an open-mouthed, doubled-over orgasm. Absolutely beautiful.

The taste was divine. Peridot's tired tongue lapped at her girlfriend's flushed vulva like her cum was the first rain after a long drought. 

"Ah-ah-ah, sensitive!" Said Lapis, lifting up onto her knees, hanging on to the headboard. 

Oh, sweet, sweet atmosphere. Peridot panted and licked her lips. She felt a little drugged and a lot self-satisfied. 

Lapis fell backwards onto the bed besides her. She wrapped her arms around Peridot's thigh. "I take back everything I said about your lung capacity. Wow." She pushed a hand through her hair. "Just… wow."

Peridot stretched her jaw. "I can't feel the bottom half of my face."

Lapis chuckled. "I wish I couldn't feel the left half of my ass." 

"Nyeheheheh!"

Lapis rolled up into a sit. She looked down on Peridot. "Does my pain amuse you? Am I dating a sadist? I feel like I'm on the precipice of a slippery slope. Today, a slap on the ass. Tomorrow, who knows? I lack your malignant imagination."

"You lack nothing in that department," she smirked, "but if you're afraid of slipping down slopes, I will restrain myself. Rough stuff shall remain in my sordid fantasies only. Sincerest apologies, Lapis's ass, you need not fear any more abuse."

There was silence.

"Have something to say, Lapis?"

"No. I mean… we don't have to… take everything off the table…"

Peridot howled with laughter.

"I would choke you, but you'd probably be into it," Lapis threatened.

"Hmm, now that you mention it…" A pillow fell on Peridot's face with a thwump. She took it in stride, pulling it under her head and curling onto her side so she could gaze at Lapis more comfortably.

Said Lapis tilted her head and stroked at her girlfriend's thigh. "Is this what being a couple is like?"

Peridot shrugged. "I think this is what we're like. Honestly, I don't think us being together will cause any major changes. For all intents and purposes, we've been practically dating for a while now."

Lapis smirked. "You're not wrong. But it feels different."

Oh. "Different good or different bad?" 

Lapis's posture turned shy. "Different good."

Bless this woman. Peridot pulled her into a snuggle. "I'm really glad you said yes."

Lapis made a noise halfway between a hum and a happy sigh. "I'm glad you asked."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plunger thingy that changes where the water comes from in a bath and shower combo is called a 'shower diverter', but Peridot doesn't know that.
> 
> Three cheers for sapphic shower sex


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven makes everyone uncomfortable

The buzz of her phone interrupted Peridot's writing. "I ran into Steven at the clinic, meet us at that ice cream place across the street?" It was Lapis.

Peridot closed and put away her journal in a rush. She had been summoned by her two favorite people. She dashed around the apartment. Keys, wallet, phone, breath mints just on case… got 'em. She booked it down the steps and into her car, fantasizing about what kind of flavor she would get. Maybe she'd treat herself and get TWO scoops? But then she'd have to consider how the flavors would work together as a pair. You can't do that all willy nilly. There was a strategy to it.

Peridot was glad that the ice cream shop wasn't too far away. Otherwise, she would have had too much time to overthink it.

She found a spot and walked in. Lapis and Steven were waiting in a corner booth, chatting. Peridot wondered if would be creepy to take a picture for her phone background. They spotted her before she had the chance.

"Peridooot!" Steven cheered, flip flopping loudly out of the chair so he could give her a greeting hug. "I'm glad you came!"

Lapis meandered over. "Oh, you're here, I guess." The look on her face didn't match the flippant comment in the slightest. 

"It's good to see you guys, too. But there is no time for chit-chat! There is ice cream to be procured!" She marched them into the line, rubbing her hands together. She had the perfect flavor combination in mind…

Shortly thereafter, they sat in their corner booth, talking between bites like filthy animals. The perfect flavor combination was… rather underwhelming. Peridot glared at Lapis's ice cream. Cappuccino. Always a great flavor. How could Peridot have been dumb enough to mix chocolate and cherry? Cherry wasn't even good!

"Hey Per-Bear, you know what I just realized?" Said Lapis.

"Hm?" Peridot mumbled through a mouthful of betrayed expectations. 

"Steven doesn't know."

"Doesn't know what?" Steven and Peridot said in unison.

"You know. What happened at the fair a week ago."

"Oh. Oh!" Peridot was flabbergasted. How had they not told him immediately? How had she not told everyone immediately? Well, to be fair, they had both been pretty distracted. The honeymoon period was a helluva drug.

"What happened at the fair?" Steven squeaked.

"What do you think, Peri, should we tell him?" She tapped a finger to her chin, hmming and hawing.

"I can't play this game, Lapis. Look at him. He's going to turn purple."

Steven was indeed holding his breath. And nearly crushing his waffle cone. "What happened?!" He cried.

Lapis chortled. "Okay, you're right. Peridot, will you do the honors?"

Absolutely. "Last Saturday, at approximately 8:37 pm, Lapis and I officially became a couple."

Steven shrieked. "Oh my gosh! " He did a little dance in his seat. "I knew you guys were meant to be together! I can't wait to tell Connie, we talk about you two all the time. Wait, is that creepy? Anyway, congratulations, I'm so happy for you!" 

Lapis was blushing by the end of his rapid rambling sentence. Aw, still so shy. "Thanks, I'm pretty happy too," Peridot said. She put her hand in Lapis's.

Steven looked like he just walked his first-born down the aisle. "Tell me the story! First, who asked who?"

"Peridot asked me," Lapis replied.

"And?" He shot back.

"And I said yes."

Steven slumped in his chair. "You're killing me, Lappy, don't you care that you are murdering your favorite Steven?"

"She probably doesn't want to tell you 'cuz she's embarrassed!" Peridor interrupted. "You see, after I asked her, with an absolutely great line, I might add, she turned beet red. Like, redder than this ice cream scoop. No exaggerating. She could barely even SPEAK. She was so awkward, and shy, and generally swept off her feet by my incredible charisma."

There were stars in Steven's eyes.

"Ugggggh!" Lapis groaned, letting her forehead hit the table.

"She literally hid her face in her hands, Steven. It was the most adorable thing I had ever seen." Peridot received a murderous glare.

Steven giggled. "Lapis! Don't be embarrassed! It's sweet!"

"I'm not sweet…" she grumbled.

"Sure…" Steven said, skeptically. "So, I know this is a little soon, but…"

Lapis and Peridot both looked up.

"If you guys have kids can I be the godfather? Please please please?"

Peridot choked on her icecream. Lapis catapulted upright. "Kids?" They both stammered.

"Or not! I don't know if you even want kids! I just wanted to call dibs as soon as possible." He held up his hands, conscious that he had made the situation weird. "Do you want kids? Eventually?"

Lapis and Peridot answered simultaneously again, but in different words:

"Absolutely not."

"Not yet!"

Lapis snapped her head around to face Peridot. "Not… yet? Do you want kids?"

Peridot swallowed. "I mean, maybe eventually? I don't know! I'm twenty-two!"

Lapis stared at her long and hard. "You're twenty-two?"

"Oh boy." Steven said. He looked like he wanted to hide behind a shield. "You guys haven't talked about this stuff?"

"You're younger than me…?" Lapis muttered to herself.

Peridot decided to be the adult at the table. "Of course we haven't talked about anything like kids, Steven, we've been dating for a week."

Steven cleared his throat and lifted his chin like he was distributing sage advice. "My dad says that its important to know, before you decide to commit to someone long-term, if you and your partner both want the same things out of the relationship."

"Oh, come on," Lapis said, finally rejoining the conversation, "do you and Connie have a full life plan together?"

Apparently they did. Steven painted them a beautiful picture. They were going to do what they had to to make a long-distance relationship work while Connie went to an Ivy League school out of state. When she graduated, they would get married and adopt a cat named Lion, but they weren't going to have kids. Connie would have her plate full running for office, and Steven had the family business to run, but their lives would be no less fulfilling or full of love for it. And then, one day, after Connie retired after her second term as United State's president, they would move to a little house on the beach and live out the rest of their days together, surrounded by visiting loved ones, and still just as in love as they had been in their youth.

Peridot and Lapis raised one eyebrow each at him.

"Okay, so, I might have gone a little overboard. But you should at least know each other's ages!"

"Hey, I knew Lapis is twenty-three. Just saying."

Lapis looked offended, then a little guilty.

"I'm sorry," said Steven. He looked genuinely apologetic. "I shouldn't be butting in like this. You guys are adults."

Well, only technically.

"It's okay, Steven," Lapis replied, "it's… not bad advice."

"…does that mean I can still be the godfather?"

"Steven!" They both groaned. 

He grinned, "hey, you guys are agreeing on stuff again!"

Two foreheads hit the table with a harmonious thunk.

\----

The ride home hadn't been awkward, per se, but it hadn't been comfortable either. They both knew that a serious conversation awaited them as soon as they walked through their front door. The door that Peridot was standing in front of. Holding her keys. And definitely not putting them in the lock.

Lapis put a hand on her shoulder. "Dove?"

"Lapis."

"You can do it."

Peridot scrunched her face. "Don't wanna."

"Hey, we're fine. It's gonna be fine."

"Nyeh!"

A hand rested on her outstretched key hand. "Here, look, I'll help you."

"No!" Peridot cried, but she let Lapis move her hand into position in front of the keyhole, insert the key, and twist it into the unlocked position. Peridot withdrew her hand and folded her arms. "I'm not going in."

Lapis opened the door, slid past her, and beckoned from beyond the threshold. "C'mere, see, the air is fine. It only smells slightly like rabbit."

Peridot said nothing, but unfolded her arms and dangled them in front of her. Lapis grabbed her wrists and pulled gently. The shorter girl allowed herself to be led inside.

"There, we did it." Lapis said, doing a bad job of hiding her amusement. "So, we—"

"I know we should talk!" Peridot said, throwing her hands up dramatically.

Lapis swallowed a snicker. "Listen, love, Steven was just being an overenthusiastic and somewhat naive teenage boy. Our relationship is just fine."

"But! But what if it isn't? Or what if it's fine now, but isn't later? How would we even know? Maybe Steven doesn't know how this stuff works, but I don't either! He just reminded me that I've never done this before. We're both new at this, and it's all uncharted territory, and everything is uncertain and I—" Peridot was surprised by the lump forming in her throat. "And I'm really, really afraid of messing this up!"

"Peri…" All the amusement had gone out of Lapis's voice.

"Lapis, I don't know what I'm doing," Peridot confessed. She felt the jagged edges of an approaching panic attack forming on the inside of her rib cage. Her hands shook slightly.

Lapis caught them. "I know what you're doing."

Peridot squeezed back, but kept her eyes down and fixed on a knot in the hardwood floor. She counted mentally, one to ten, replaying instructional audio from past sessions with Amethyst in her head. "What am I doing?" She asked, her voice coming out a little robotic.

"You," Lapis said, "are being a good girlfriend. You have been a good girlfriend. I have every reason to believe that you'll continue to be a good girlfriend."

Peridot went through another set of counting. "You can't know that."

Lapis leaned down, trying to catch Peridot's eyes. "Can too."

Peridot looked up, "how?" She caught the slight glimmer of held back tears in Lapis's eyes. The knot in her throat thickened.

"You make me happy," Lapis said with conviction. "You make me feel safe, and less broken, and like I deserve all the love you give to me. Which is saying something, because you really deliver. Truckloads of it."

Peridot cleared her throat. "Truckloads?"

"That's what I said."

Peridot had to look away again. Those had been comforting words, but her fight or flight system had already engaged, and it was absolutely certain that everything she held dear was one mistake away from crumbling into dust. "But I'm not always so… okay. Lapis, I can get mad. Really, really mad. And depressed. Steven's seen it. I've gotten a lot of help, but… that doesn't mean it won't happen again."

"I think, if it did happen again, I would be uniquely qualified to understand."

Peridot groaned. "I don't want you to have to understand. I don't want to turn into a burden, or worse. That would kill me."

"Hold up now," Lapis said, sternly. "That isn't fair. You don't get to call your hypothetical mental-health-relapse-self a burden after you've spent the last six months doing everything you could to help me with my own bullshit. Peridot, if you need help, I want to give it to you. I would be deadass grateful for the opportunity to pay you back a speck of what you've done for me." 

Peridot was taken aback by the fire in Lapis's voice. She meant every word, and then some.

"And secondly, you don't get to talk me down from believing I'm going to fall back into bad habits, and then go and say the same shit about yourself. Peridot, you're good at everything, you're going to kick ass at being better, too."

Peridot rubbed at her eyes. The sharpness around her lungs had dulled to a tolerable level. "You're good at this," she breathed.

"Damn right I am," Lapis replied, "I've learned from the best.

Peridot's hand scratched at her cheek, a nervous habit she had picked up in a vain attempt to hide when she blushed. "I'm still more than a little terrified. About all of this."

Lapis smirked, "me too. I'm scared shitless. But we will figure it out, okay?"

Peridot blinked. "Hey. Those are my words."

"They're good ones," Lapis said. She pulled Peridot over to the kitchen table so they could sit down and stop standing in the middle of the room like drama queens. "You okay?"

Peridot sniffled. "Yeah."

"Do you want to chill for a bit, or…?"

"No, I'm good. I want to talk. But… lets start with something small first."

Her girlfriend chuckled. "Okay. I'll start. My birthday is September 25th."

Peridot laughed. "You know, it IS really messed up that we never talked about this one specifically."

"Shut up and tell me your birthday, clod."

"January 5th."

"Oh my god," Lapis held her face in her hands. "You don't turn 23 for almost six more months? You are a baby. A tiny, tiny baby, and I'm an old hag."

"I have noticed a number of wrinkles…"

"If I have wrinkles, they are entirely your fault." She sighed. "It's hard raising a child..."

Peridot stuck out her tongue. "Well, I guess, since you brought up children…"

Lapis looked serious again. "I can't have kids, Peridot, I would mess them all up."

Peridot considered that. "Hm, true. If it comes to that, I'll just have to fill the gaping void with pets and Stevens."

Lapis rubbed the back of her neck, "I don't want to end up… keeping you from something like that."

"Hey," soothed Peridot, "I wasn't lying when I said I didn't know. I was still 21 like, 2 months before we met. And it definitely isn't a lifelong dream of mine to have a bunch of spawn. Hell, I'd probably mess them up, too, now that I'm thinking about it. I don't know how to interact with most people, let alone a baby."

"Oh my god, stop reminding me that you're an infant."

Nasally laughter. "Okay, enough about hypothetical children. I'm placing an indefinitely long ban on the topic. But.. what DO you want out of this, though? Long term?"

Lapis pressed her lips into a thin line. Her fingertips drummed at the table. "Hell, I don't know. I've been actively trying not to think about it. 

Peridot chortled, despite herself. Her girlfriend was perennially adorable. "That's fair."

Lapis interlaced her fingers, stopping the drumming. "Do you think about it?"

Absolutely. Constantly. Peridot had all but mentally decorated every inch of every home they would ever have together. She felt a little bit of kinship with Steven and his life plan. Well, a lot of kinship. The similarities were uncomfortable. "Sometimes."

"What do you want out of this, then?" 

How to phrase this. 'Hey, Lapis, even though I've known you but a tiny fraction of my "tiny baby" life, and even though I generally value logic and reason above gut feelings, I'm more certain than I've ever been about anything that I want to spend the rest of my life with you.' 

No, that was too much. Dial it down a notch, Peri. 

"I want… to keep making you happy, for as long I can."

Lapis made a face like she was trying not release the butterflies from her stomach. "I could go for that. Same."

That would do just fine. 

"So, how long do you want to work at the country club?" Lapis asked, moving the conversation along. 

"Oh. Huh. I don't know, but I actually really like it. I might stay for a long time if I get promoted. I mean, its not like Andy ever shows up to actually supervise. Would it be cutthroat to steal his job?"

Lapis shrugged.

Yeah, she was better off without Lapis's opinion on what qualified as cutthroat. "Anyway, I'm content for now. What about you?"

Lapis thought a moment. She traced the patterns on their tablecloth with a finger. "I don't have the money saved up yet, but it would be nice to finish school."

Peridot smiled. That was nice. Hearing about that was nice. She really hoped Lapis got to do that. "I'll keep a place for you open at the country club, for when you graduate and realize your degree is useless."

She smiled. "Perfect."

"What about… do you want to own a house someday?"

Lapis looked around the room. "Honestly, I really like this loft."

"Yeah, it's pretty great. But I want a place with fewer stairs, eventually. And a yard."

"A yard?"

"For the dog."

"Oh no," Lapis slumped in her seat. "Not a dog."

Peridot snickered. "Cat person?"

"Definitely." 

"Hm. That makes sense."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Lapis shot back.

"You've got the cold, ruthless soul of a cat person."

"Oh!" Barked Lapis. "Well, you've got the soft, needy heart of a dog person."

Peridot pouted. "Its true. Hold me…" Lapis batted away her outstretched arms, snorting.

"Well, so far, we have nothing in common," remarked Lapis. "Maybe we ARE doomed. How're we going to tell Steven we're completely incompatible?" The hand resting on Peridot's thigh told a different story.

"Wait, we're not done yet! There's still hope for us yet, dear heart," Peridot responded, clutching a fist theatrically. "Do you want me to meet your family, eventually?"

"Oh god, no. That absolutely will not be a thing." Lapis looked a little green at the thought of it.

"Ashamed of me, Lapis? I'm hurt."

"I only want to protect you from the human beings that produced this." Lapis gestured at herself. "Just imagine."

Peridot made like she was going through Lapis's flaws in her head. She had to pretend, because there weren't any. Deep-seated evil? Yes. Flaws? No. "Hm, yes, I appreciate that."

"Do you want me to meet your parents?" Lapis grimaced.

Peridot chuckled a bitter chuckle. "What 'parents'? That's a firm no from me, too."

Lapis wiped imaginary sweat from her forehead. "Shwoo! Get to dodge that bullet!"

Peridot's eyes rolled. "I got another future-plans question, you buffoon. Did lil' Lappy ever sit in her room daydreaming about getting married?"

There was more nervous neck rubbing. "Not 'lil' Lappy', but… adult Lapis is a little more open to the idea."

That surprised Peridot. She expected Lapis to have become more jaded with time, after the whirlwind that had been her young adulthood. "Yeah, me too. I grew up avoiding anything remotely sentimental. But Steven happened to me. Now I'm a fucking sap."

Her girlfriend chuckled. "Damnit, Steven. Would you rather be proposed to, or do the proposing?"

A montage of very specific daydreams replayed themselves in Peridot's mind. "Do the proposing. You?"

"Peridot, I couldnt even physically ask you to be my girlfriend. How the hell am I going to propose to someone?"

The mental image that formed in Peridot's mind of Lapis struggling to perform a showy romantic gesture was just too good. She laughed out loud.

"Rude." 

"What? You're ridiculous, and this amuses me," Peridot said matter-of-factly.

"You're a mean-spirited mongrel."

Peridot winked and shot her some finger guns.

There was silence. But it wasn't a heavy silence. Just sort of… a comfortable moment of mutual reflection. 

Lapis broke it. "That… wasn't so bad."

Peridot remembered the extent of Lapis's commitment issues. "Oh. Really?"

"Yeah. What the fuck, I think I'm less anxious than I was before. Even though you sound impossible to live with for any real length of time." Lapis scoffed. "A dog…"

Peridot discovered that she felt pretty damn good, too. Weird, how communication worked like that sometimes. "And a yard. We could start our own garden!"

Lapis looked horrified. "You want me to do my job... when I get home?"

Peridot's face was taken up entirely by an impish grin. "We could grow spices and vegetables, for our cooking!"

"Nevermind, the thought of being around your cooking in the semi-distant future has restored all my feelings of dread."

"I thought I was good at everything."

"Don't turn my own words against me, you snake."

Peridot leaned in close. "I'm your snake."

Lapis nudged her away. Peridot flicked her tongue at her. "Ugh."

"Strange," mused Peridot, "you usually love it when I do that with my tongue."

Lapis got up from her chair and left.

"Babe, don't go!" Peridot cried. "We were discussing our bright future together!"

Said babe climbed their ladder-stairs. "I've had enough of being mature people. Not that there was a lot of maturity involved." Peridot heard the smile in her voice. "Now shut up and spoon me while we watch bad TV, troll." 

Why did everyone always imply they watched bad TV? But that didn't matter. She had been summoned for a second time that day. And this time involved snuggles. She answered the call with great enthusiasm.

Peridot had a feeling that they were going to do just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steven calm down, jesus...


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This hurts me more than it hurts you

They sat together on the sofa. Lapis rested her head in Peridot's lap while she scrolled through her phone, occasionally shoving it wordlessly into Peridot's face when she found a post funny or annoying enough to share. When her view wasn't blocked by Lapis's weird internet garbage, Peridot absent-mindedly watched the TV. Her hand played through Lapis's hair, combing through it and curling locks around her fingers, making it look even more wild than it usually does. 

Peridot suddenly realized how comfortable it was. Almost… alarmingly comfortable, somehow, now that it had been brought into her awareness. She tried to smooth out an especially enthusiastic blue cowlick. Her efforts were in vain. "Hey, Lapis?"

"Hm?" Lapis replied, still scrolling.

"What's our next, like… milestone?"

"What do you mean?" She pulled her phone down to rest on her chest.

"Well, so we've been dating for a bit, now, but we did things all weird. We've already said I love yous, had sex, moved in together, etcetera... What's the next one?"

"Oh." Lapis thought a moment. "I 'unno. First big fight?"

Peridot rubbed her chin. "We haven't had a fight?"

Lapis shrugged. "Not really. We've had petty spats about nonsense, but, I mean, it's kind of hard to get in a shouting match with you when you've spent several months in therapy learning how to 'de-escalate disagreements in a healthy way' or whatever."

"So you're saying this is MY fault?" Peridot yelled. "You always blame me for EVERYTHING."

Lapis giggled and smooshed her face. "I can't."

"You're no fun. I'll just have to devise something to piss you off."

Lapis smiled. "Ooh, I'm excited. What do you have in mind?"

Peridot rubbed her hands together in a dastardly way. "I've got the perfect plan. I'm going to cheat on you."

Lapis snorted. "Doesn't that require speaking to another human being?"

How dare she. Where was the support? "We both know that I can be very charming! Think I can score with another co-worker? I think that would produce the maximum amount of drama with the least amount of effort. It would be very efficient."

"Not bad. I bet Skinny is dtf." 

Peridot pouted. "Eh, I don't like 'em so tall." 

"Shallow."

Peridot ghosted her fingertips over Lapis's arm. "I admit it. You've spoiled me." She ran appreciative eyes over Lapis's body.

"Oh," Lapis retorted, "so you're saying it's MY fault?"

Peridot snickered. Her girlfiend was hilarious and it was wonderful. Before she could formulate a worthy retort, she caught a bit of movement out of the corner of her eye. She glanced up.

It was their front door, swinging gently, back and forth, opened just a foot or so. Peridot was alarmed for a second, until she remembered that they were forgetful people that had brought in hand-occupying groceries earlier. "Oh, we left the door open. I'll get." Peridot said, removing her hand from Lapis's hair.

The blue-haired woman sat up. "Oh," she said. She sounded concerned. "Pumpkin wouldn't run off if the door was open, would he?"

Peridot went from zero to freaking out very quickly. "Oh god, I don't know." They stared at each other for another split second, then launched to their feet, scrambling to check all of Pumpkin's favorite places.

He wasn't under the bed, or in the litter box, or digging at the errant shirt that hadn't quite made it into the laundry basket. He wasn't even chewing on any of their valueables. Peridot even checked the bathroom, which he avoided with utmost distain, since it was tiled and therefore slippery under his paws. His cloud-soft, adorable little paws. That they may never see again.

"He's not here," Lapis said, returning from her corner of the loft, where Pumpkin liked to occasionally get a hold of her books and nibble the corners. 

Peridot's hands pulled at her own hair. "Nnnnooooo!" She whined. Her destructive baby angel. Her cheeto puff. Her bun-bun. Gone.

"We'll find him," Lapis assured her. "You check the stairways, I'll knock on doors."

Peridot nodded and scrambled down the steps. Could Pumpkin even navigate steps? Did he tumble down the stairs like an orange beach ball? She just hoped he didn't somehow make it out the front door. She hit the ground floor landing. No Pumpkin. No joy left in the world. 

Maybe Lapis had better luck. Someone could have spotted Pumpkin and taken him inside their apartment, right? Anybody would be charmed by his good looks, how could they have resisted? She started back up the steps.

There were voices coming from a floor or so above. Peridot eavesdropped. "-anks again for finding him. I don't think my girlfriend's heart could handle if he was lost for very long." It was Lapis. And she was probably right. Peridot felt the pain in her chest melt away when she realized that Lapis had probably found their rabbit. 

"No problem. Honestly, he was a hit with the ladies, I might have to come borrow him sometime." That voice was familiar, but she couldn't place it. Peridot should probably make more of an effort to get to know her neighbors.

"Eh heh."

"Speaking of, I'm having a party, you should come in and have a couple of beers, be neighborly, yanno. Invite your girl."

The temperature in Peridot's veins dropped about 10 degrees. She hustled. Damn her short legs.

"Eh, no thanks."

"Don't like beer? I've got those girly drinks too. I appreciate diversity." Peridot suddenly recognized the voice. The douchiness was unmistakable. Kevin.

"I really don't drink."

"What? C'mon! Live a little! What's the worst that can happen? It's not like you've got to drive home, you live right upstairs."

"I—"

Peridot rounded the corner and spotted the pair, Pumpkin in Lapis's arms. Her blood wasn't cold anymore. It was approaching boiling. "Kevin," she said, her voice a controlled monotone. 

"Hey, Peridot! I was telling your old lady you guys should party with us! Celebrate finding your rat or whatever."

"She said no, Kevin." Er, oops. That one was much, much less monotone. 

"Sheesh!" Kevin said, holding up his hands. "Never fucking mind, then." He went back into his apartment. "Enjoy your boring fucking night." The door slammed.

The red tinge in Peridot's vision faded. She took a breath. "What an ass." She gave Pumpkin a scratch. "I'm glad you found h—"

The expression on Lapis's face derailed her sentence. Lapis looked pissed. Absolutely pissed. And the gale-force glare she was wearing was focused directly at Peridot.

"Whuh—are you mad at me?" Peridot stammered.

"Yes!"

She was flabbergasted. "What, why?"

"You didn't have to, ugh," Lapis growled, "rescue me!"

"But. Kevin was being a pushy douc—"

"I was fine! Do you think I'm one pushy douche away from falling off the wagon?"

How was this happening. "No! I just, I didn't like how he was talking to you, that was just, shitty behavior!"

"I can handle shitty behavior," Lapis said, her voice low. "How fragile do you think I am?"

"I—" Peridot did not understand how she was getting in trouble for this. She didn't do anything wrong! "Just, calm down, don't you think you're–" Peridot caught herself. Oh no. That was not the correct response. None of that was the correct response.

"Over-reacting?" Lapis completed the sentence, her teeth clenched. 

Peridot cringed. "That came out wrong! I just meant—"

Lapis shoved Pumpkin into her arms. "Take him," she ordered.

"Whuh, why?"

"Because I want to be alone." She brushed past Peridot and headed down the stairs, toward the exit.

"Where are you going?" Peridot called, panic making her voice crack.

"I don't know." She didn't even look back.

"When will you be back?" Peridot had to yell that time, since Lapis was already around the corner and onto the next staircase.

"I don't know!"

Peridot stood there, frozen, listening to retreating footsteps, and then the click of the building's front door.

"What just happened," she asked Pumpkin. Pumpkin just looked up at her, frazzled from the night's excitement. Peridot scratched his cheek. "Let's get you home." 

Hollowly, she turned around and climbed the stairs.

\----

Peridot had had some rough days in the past. A mental breakdown during college. The day she got fired. The day she got evicted from her old apartment because she was too broke to pay rent and too depressed to get a job. Those were just a few examples. But today was turning out to be a real contender for top three shittiest days in Peridot's life. 

Lapis didn't come home last night. Or that morning. It wasn't okay. Peridot wasn't okay. The only reason she got out of bed at all is because Lapis might have shown up for work. She didn't. She didn't even call in. Peridot saved her from any flak by saying she had stayed home sick. 

And now Peridot was home, alone, lying face down on the couch. The one where they had had their first kiss. She rolled onto her side and browsed her movies. Some escapism might help. She just wanted to not think for a while.

Nope, she watched that movie with Lapis. And that show. She hadn't watched that one with Lapis, but she wanted to. And that one had a character in it that reminded her of Lapis. And… it was a hopeless endeavor. 

Maybe she'd play a game. At the computer next to Lapis's bean bag. Or take a nap? In the bed. The place she hadn't slept alone in in months. 

Not counting last night, of course.

Peridot groaned and rolled off the couch. She had to get out of here. It was just… saturated with Lapis. Everything she owned. Hell, this place even managed to smell like her. Traces of her shampoo and her old books and her everything hung in the air like a miasma. It was going to drive her insane. 

She lifted her husk to her feet and gathered her things. She could only think of one place to go.

\----

Steven opened the door. "Oh no."

"Do I look that bad?" Peridot asked, clutching a backpack full of her stuff.

"Uhm, well, you look a little disheveled."

She was going ignore that. "Lapis got mad at me and left, and I don't know where she is, or when she's coming back, and can I sleep here tonight?"

Steven opened the door further and stepped aside so she could come in. He rubbed the back of his head and grimaced. "Let's… talk about it, first. Dad kinda got you that loft so you didn't have to be sad in our guest bedroom."

Peridot wasted no time in collapsing face first onto the couch. Ah, this one was much better. "Okay," she groaned. Just a short break would be nice. She already felt a little better in the presence of a concerned friend.

He sat down on the couch next to her. "So, what happened?"

"Do we have to talk about specifics?"

"Hm, I guess not. How do you feel about it, then?"

"I feel quite upset." 

"Mhmm, mhmm, and?"

"And I just want to talk to her!" Peridot sat up. "Why won't she just talk to me?"

Steven looked like his heart was breaking. "Are you going to look for her?"

"I…" Peridot hadn't considered the possibility. But she remembered. Lapis told her if she ever tried to disappear, she shouldn't let her. It went against Peridot's instincts, and self-confidence, and her tendency toward self-pity, but, fuck, Lapis was… kind of a mess. But she was Peridot's mess. And she was not going to let her get away with this vanishing act.

"Yes. Yes! I'm going to find her!" She grabbed Steven by the shoulders. "I'm going to find her and we are going to talk about our feelings in a relatively timely manner, for once!" 

Steven grinned. "Yeah! Love conquers all!"

"Yes!" She exclaimed. "But, I don't know where to even start looking…" The wind left her sails a little. "She's smart, I don't think she'd go anywhere reckless. But none of our co-workers seemed like they knew anything was off, and she's not here, and she's probably not staying with one of our neighbors…"

Steven was silent.

"Ugh, she might as well be on the moon, Steven!" 

Steven remained quiet. Too quiet. Peridot narrowed her eyes at him.

"Steven."

"What?" He looked a little sweaty.

She squinted at him harder, leaning in. "You know where she is."

"Uhhh."

"Tell me!" She demanded, shaking him gently. "True! Love! Steven!"

"Ahhhh I don't know if she would want me to do that though and I don't want to be rude or disrespect her boundarieeeees!"

"Guh! Useless!" She said, casting him aside. She stood up and looked around the room for clues. Had she been here? She would track that woman down like a criminal if she had to, using her keen intellect and naturally sharp instincts.

"Maybe you should, uh, make sure she's not home first?" Steven offered.

Peridot spun about-face. She gazed deep into her informant's soul. He was definitely sweating now. "She's IS here!"

Steven squeaked. Before he could stop her, she dove away, heading for the guest room. She came screeching to a halt almost as soon as she entered the hall. 

There she was. Lapis. She was there, in front of her, holding onto her elbow and biting at her lip. Peridot fell in love all over again.

Steven collided into Peridot's back, having made chase without expecting her to be standing there, frozen, a few feet around the corner. "Lapis!" He called out from behind her shoulder. "Were you eavesdropping?!"

"I, uhm…" she trailed off, apparently unable to deny it, but unable to admit it, either. 

"Lapis," Peridot breathed.

"Peridot, I'm—"

"Lapis," she interrupted." "You. Fucking. Shithead!"

Steven gasped. Lapis looked stunned. "Perid—" she began.

"No! I'm going to speak, and you can have a turn when I'm done! Okay?"

Behind Peridot, Steven was doing some sort of anxious dance. "This isn't how I imagined this was going to go at all!"

Peridot ignored him and kept her eyes locked with Lapis's. Finally, the blue-haired woman nodded.

"Okay! First, I messed up. I didn't think about how you'd feel about it before I snapped at Kevin, and I should have. I did something thoughtless, and upset you, and I'm sorry.

"But you can't just—" Peridot continued, with more exasperation, "VANISH like that. You didn't even come in to work. Lapis, you're an adult, and I understand that you wanted some space, but I had no idea when, or if, I would see you again, or if you were somewhere safe, and that was just," Peridot groaned, "torture!"

Lapis looked like she wanted to crumple like paper. "I'm so—"

"No. Don't apogize yet, I'm not done. I just want to say that, even though I felt guilty, and worried, and a little bit pissed," Peridot stepped forward, her arms open, "mostly I just really fucking missed you." 

Lapis wrapped her tightly in familiar arms almost immediately after she finished the sentence. Peridot clung back, overwhelmed with relief. "I really fucking missed you, too," Lapis said, laughing like she had to or she'd cry. "Can I apologise now?"

Peridot laughed breathlessly, too. "Yes."

"I'm so sorry. I shouldn't have ran. Or I should have come home last night. Or at least texted. I just, a lot happened all at once, and I panicked, and then when I calmed down I just… couldn't come back. I didn't know what you'd say, and I couldn't admit that I, well, you know, might have been a little… disproportionately upset at you."

Peridot laughed and rubbed a hand up and down Lapis's back. "Of course not."

Lapis groaned. "It all sounds so ridiculous when I say it out loud."

"Hey, it's okay, you're forgiven, as long as you come back home now." Peridot pulled away to look at her. "You don't really think that I think you're fragile, do you?"

Lapis looked down. "No. Honestly, most of the time, it seems like you think I'm flawless."

Peridot sighed, embarassed. "Heheh, honestly, I did."

"Oh." Lapis looked up. "Did?"

"Yes. I had a while to think about it, cuz, you know, and it's clear to me that you are an actual mess. A human disaster." She put on a pained expression. "How have you even managed to surive this long?"

Lapis bumped her forehead into hers. "I'm not even sure of that one myself. Still love me, even though the illusion has been shattered?"

"Honestly," Peridot ran a nervous hand through her hair. "I think I love you even more? I've just been sitting at home, abandoned, staring at the nasty, crusty, leftover toothpaste you ALWAYS leave in the sink, overcome with a passion I have never known before. What is wrong with me? Is it insanity?"

"Hm, probably. I mean, the crazy was pretty apparent when you told Kevin off. I thought you were going light him on fire through shear force of will."

"If only…"

"You guys," Steven interjected, "are sooo weird!"

They both suddenly remembered that Steven was in the room with them. They seperated.

"Thanks for letting me stay over, Steven," Lapis said. "Tell your dad thanks, too, and that you're not 'adopting another wayward twenty-something' like he was worried about."

"Lapis!" He sighed. "Eavesdropping is rude!" 

She just shrugged and grinned.

"Thanks for letting me vent, and being bad at secrets," Peridot added.

"You're welcome. I'm happy you guys made up. Now go home, please, I need to go to bed…"

Peridot felt bad for wearing the poor teen out, but going home sounded like an excellent idea. They left, hands clasped, chatting like they had to make up for that day's worth of lost conversation.

"Hey," Lapis said, as they drove, "I think we hit that milestone you were talking about."

Peridot groaned and laughed. "I summoned this misfortune. It was all my fault."

Lapis leaned her head on Peridot's shoulder. "Nah. It was somewhat inevitable couple stuff. Especially for baggage-ridden weirdos like us."

"True. We have a hotel's worth of baggage."

"An airport."

"International?" 

"Definitely."

A pause, then, "I'm sorry for calling you a shithead, Lapis"

Lapis chuckled, "you've called me worse."

"Yeah, but this time I meant it." 

Another pause. "I don't want you to apologise for being honest. And I was honestly being a shithead." She lifted her head to look at her. "To be real, I… I really needed to know that you'd tell me off if I screwed up. Remember when I said it was hard for me to trust myself, after how unhealthy it was between me and Jasper? That… never really went away."

Peridot's heart squeezed. "Oh, well, in that case," she cleared her throat and dug up some mirth to color her voice. "I will call you a shithead, and whatever other nasty names that I can come up with, whenever such a thing should be administered. For your peace of mind, of course."

Lapis looked relieved as well as wryfully amused. "Promise?"

"Absolutely. Anything for you, love." Anything. 

Lapis leaned back in her seat. "Good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If only the canon ghosting was 24 hours long SOB
> 
> This is basically my headcanon for the reunion, inb4 the new eps on Jun 2nd (please let her come back)


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lapis meets some of Peridot's friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, friends, the week of new episodes was a major distraction. Now we're back in Bismuth ;D

Why didn't they talk about this?

‘They’ meaning society at large. This wasn't in movies, or books, or even the highest form of media, Camp Pining Hearts fanfiction. Fictional romances always ended at the kiss, or the abrupt but romantic marriage, or at some other point during the honeymoon period. Romance in the popular imagination was inherently flawed, because they left this part out.

Because Lapis and Peridot were now beyond the honeymoon period, and it was absolutely wonderful.

Something had snapped into focus. Reality had ensued, and now Lapis was no longer some divine celestial being stranded on Earth to Peridot. She was a human being. A messy, neurotic, imperfect human being, and it was sublime. It felt like Peridot had achieved that time-immemorial dream of having a second chance to read her favorite novel for the first time. She had been seeing the sunshine and rainbows, but now she noticed the rain. The beautiful, life-giving, dam-bursting rain. Three-dimensions had sprung from two. White light separated into a spectrum of colors. Flowery sentences sprung from a young nerd's mind, etcetera. 

In short, no longer blinded by the blurry porno-fog of infatuation, Peridot was really seeing Lapis for the first time, and she liked what she saw.

With her new observational powers, it became obvious that Lapis had been broken and put back together, but that didn't mean she was fixed. And it didn't mean she needed fixing, either. The cracks were a part of her, for now, at least, and Peridot loved them. 

These new insights brought inumerable benefits. For one, it was just generally healthier. Seeing her girlfriend as a person instead of a mythical creature was simply… relaxing. Peridot censored herself less, loosened up, and just generally allowed herself to be more honest in all things when she interacted with her. 

Additionally, accepting all of Lapis made it easier to accept all of herself. Peridot was crabby, proud, critical, occasionally bossy, and lacked natural tact, but… that was okay. She let herself be that way, sometimes, to the degree that it was healthy and didn't run off her friends, without feeling like that made her a bad person. Being only occasionally obnoxious was an achievement, and for the first time, she let it feel like one.

But the most surprising happy side-effect of her newfound insight and self-acceptance was that Lapis was really fucking into it.

"Lapis, I swear, I just counted seven mostly empty coffee cups strewn about the loft like motherfucking video game collectibles. Seven!" Peridot called, interrupting her girlfriend's reading. "There is no rational explanation for this."

"Mmmm," Lapis responded, lidding her eyes at Peridot. "Well, the clean cups are usually closer to the coffee maker, so…"

"I repeat, no rational explanation! If I see an eighth coffee cup I'm going to start flinging them out the window into the streets. There might be casualties."

"Oh, Peri, tell me I've been bad," she teased, her voice a parody of a low-budget adult film star's.

Peridot threw up her hands, "you can't slut your way out of this one, Laz!" There was no venom behind her words; she had fallen into the trap of playful flirting.

Lapis sighed dramatically and started picking up after herself, for once. Peridot, who had already taken care of her own irrational messes, sat down at her computer chair and settled in for some mindless internet browsing.

Minutes later, she felt hands playing at her ribcage. She smiled. "Hey, Lapis."

"Hey," Lapis said. 

"Can't keep your hands off me?"

"Mm, no." Said hands slid over more of Peridot's anatomy. Goosebumps formed on Peridot's arms. "I like you."

"Well, I should hope so, at this point."

"No, I mean, I like you," she said, "as in this new, more genuine, slightly bitchier version of you. Where have you been hiding her?"

"Wh—hey!"

Lapis played with the small hairs at the nape of Peridot's neck. "I mean that as the highest compliment."

Peridot closed her eyes and focused on her girlfriend's fingertips. "What are you trying to schmooze out of me, woman?"

"Well, I was just being affectionate with my girlfriend, something you wouldn't understand," she paused to give Peridot time to snort incredulously. "But, now that you mention it…"

"Oh boy."

"Can I come out with you tonight?"

"And so, my girlfriend weasels herself into yet another aspect of my life. And I thought the clinginess would decrease with time."

Lapis rolled her eyes. "I promise I won't make it a habit of crashing your monthly boys' nights, I just want to meet more of your friends."

Oh. Aw, that's sweet. "We're going out to a sports bar, and I was going to have a drink, but if that's okay, I suppose I can tolerate your presence."

"Nice. I look forward to having an intellectual advantage over tipsy Peri." Lapis said. "Though I don't know why you all would voluntarily go to a sports bar." 

"A challenge has been issued. On my honor, I must defend my tarnished name by soundly defeating Harold at the gentlefolk's game of billiards!"

"Oh no."

"Oh yes!"

Lapis chuckled. “Okay, I really don’t want to miss out on watching you lose spectacularly at pool. You’ve sold the idea to me.”

Peridot gave one, long, drawn-out sigh of absolute weariness, “My girlfriend doesn’t believe in me.”

"I believe you're gonna get SCHOOLED. Ohhhh!" Lapis said, ruffling Peridot's hair and retreating to god knows where. 

"Leaving as soon as you get what you want, eh?" Peridot called, spinning in her chair to figure out where Lapis had gone of to. "Manipulative wench!"

Lapis peeked out from behind her bookshelf. “I’m picking out some clothes, asshole." She winked, "I've got to look hot if I'm meeting your friends: it'll make you look like a stud."

Peridot flushed up to her ears, “uh, you don’t have to, do that…”

Lapis ducked back behind her improvised wall. A t-shirt flew unceremoniously into the kitchenette. “Are you stopping me?”

Peridot thought long and hard about how to answer that question. “...no.”

The blue-haired woman giggled like the evil witch she was. “Thought so.”

This… might be a long night.

\----

Definitely a long night. Peridot wasn’t sure if what Lapis was wearing qualified as “clothes”. Those red shorts hid NOTHING. And the sports bra and sleeveless tank combo was probably pushing the dress code, even for the rather dive-y bar they were walking into. The look was topped off by a smug smirk. The tease. Peridot didn’t want to give Lapis the satisfaction by admitting it, but...

It was absolutely hot. 

Peridot opened the wooden doors to the bar and let Lapis walk in. 

“What a gentlewoman,” Lapis commented. 

“Maybe I just want to watch the show from back here.” Damnit, she admitted it. She cursed her dismal self-control.

Lapis sashayed a bit in response. Peridot died inside. But her racy thoughts were interrupted.

When she entered, Lapis’s eyes took one sweep of the wood-paneled hellscape, then lighted with great interest on the bar.

It was one of those stereotypical affairs, with a mirror behind the stacks of shelves which were filled with glass bottles that held a variety of qualities and types of liquor. A row of taps glittered under the dusty, dim lights that hung low over the bartop. A bored looking bartender sliced up a fresh lime and deposited the pieces in a garnish tray. Lapis was still staring.

“Uhm, Lapis, if this is a bad idea, we don’t have to stay.”

She cleared her throat. “This probably isn’t a great idea, but I’m okay.” She hummed low in her throat. “I’m just reminiscing about good times with old friends.”

“Good times?”

“Oh yes,” Lapis said, “good times. You don't develop a drinking problem cuz you hate drinking. Mm, ever have gin and tonic on a hot summer day? Oh, or whiskey neat, warmed in your hands to juuuust the right temperature? Cheap, burning, shitty vodka, brought out on a tray to slam with some friends…?”

Peridot wanted a drink for sure, now. She wondered how Lapis might feel. “I am growing concerned.”

Lapis turned to Peridot and smiled, “It’s fine, I promise. Just enjoy a good drink for me.” She hooked her arm around one of Peridot's elbows and leaned into her, “So, where are your friends?”

“Uhh,” she replied, thoroughly caught up in the fact that she was heading out for a night on the town with a gorgeous woman literally on her arm. “They probably picked a corner booth. Ah, there they are.”

A couple of arms waved at them from one such booth, in a semi-private corner, near the bar’s pair of pool tables and small collection of other bar games. Peridot led Lapis to the table.

“Well, hello there!” Harold crowed at Lapis, standing up to grasp her hand in an enthusiastic handshake. “You must be Lapis!”

“Oh, uhm, yeah, that’s me,” Lapis said, bashfully. Peridot had never heard her be bashful around someone new before. She lowered her eyebrows before she got caught with them raised. “You must be…?”

“Call me Mr. Smiley! And this here is my husband, Quentin.” He put an arm around his spouse, who smiled small and proud. “And here’s Barb, Jamie, and Amy.”

“Hi,” Lapis replied, sliding into the booth after Peridot.

“Hey, sweetheart!” Barb said. “It’s so good to finally meet you! Peridot has told us all about you. Really, it was hard to quiet her down for a while. I've never seen a more smitten kitten in my life!”

“Is that so,” Lapis said. Peridot groaned.

“It is the highest pleasure to meet the woman that makes our dear friend Peridot so happy!” Jamie annunciated. He kissed Lapis’s hand like a courteous renaissance gentleman. 

“Yeah, we were starting to believe you were made up.” Amy chimed in. Lapis grinned, apparently taking an instant liking to anyone that shared her love of poking fun at Peridot.

“I am sitting right here,” Peridot reminded them, pouting. Mr. Smiley slapped Peridot's shoulder and laughed. It stung.

Barb stood up. “Let me get you ladies a drink! Peridot, the usual?” She nodded. “Lapis?”

“Oh, sorry, I don’t drink,” Lapis said.

“Neither do I, honey! Not since my daughter came along. Twenty years sober last May!”

“Oh.” Lapis looked surprised. “I quit last January.” 

“That’s great, dear, proud of ya! But bars aren't just for alcohol. What was your poison?”

Lapis perked up. “Oh, uh, beer was my go-to, I guess.” 

“I’ve got just the thing!” Barb announced, winking. She trotted off to procure a round. Lapis watched her go with a little fascination. 

“So, Lapis, how do you feel about the art… of improv?” Jamie said, grabbing Lapis’s attention.

“Oh no,” Amy said, “let’s not try to start that back up again. Leave the poor girl out of it.”

Lapis chuckled. “Peridot said you guys met in an improv group, what happened to that?”

“We all tried it for a little while. You know, as a guilt-free and social hobby, but…” Amy said.

“Improv comedy proved to be more challenging than one might think,” Peridot finished for her.

The table nodded in melancholy unison.

“But, it turned out we weren't so bad at being friends,” Barb said, rejoining the table. She dropped a moscow mule in front of Peridot and some sort of bubbly drink in front of Lapis. Lapis eyed her drink skeptically.

“Tonic water and lime! With a dash of bitters. Try it!” Barb slid into the booth and watched the newcomer expectantly. 

Lapis took a careful sip. Her face lit up like the sky on the fourth of July. “Wow, that's good! Really good!” Barbara beamed. “Dove, try this!” Lapis said, shoving the drink’s tiny straws in Peridot's face.

Peridot heard Amy snicker at the pet name. She’d hear about that later. For now, she obediently took a sip.

It was bubbly, with a bit of sweetness underneath, but that did nothing to counteract the bracing, distinctive bitterness that seemed to cling to the back of Peridot's tongue. “Blehck,” she choked, wrinkling her nose involuntarily.

The table was laughing at her again. She took some healthy gulps of her own wonderfully sweet drink in an effort to drown out the aftertaste. It barely worked.

“Slow down Peridot, I’d hate for you to make it too easy for me to school you at pool!” Smiley crowed, slamming two fists on the table.

“Oh!” Peridot said, standing up, “your trash talking will only make your inevitable defeat even more shameful!” 

Mr. Smiley rose to his feet, towering over the poor diminutive woman. “I think it’s time we settled this.”

Peridot would not be intimidated. “Bring it on, funny guy.” The crowd made a ruckus, enjoying the melodrama of it all. They were, after all, a troupe of performers. Or attempted performers. Details, details…

They scootched out of the booth with as much bravado as one could scootch out of a booth with. Passing Lapis, Peridot murmured, “You gonna come cheer me on?”

“I can half-heartedly cheer you on from over here,” she said, smirking. 

Peridot grumbled, for show, “No support. Have fun.” Lapis nodded in response.

And so, plenty of trash talking, another round of drinks, and a lot of fussing about poorly maintained pool cues later, and it was down to the 8 ball. 

Peridot tapped the corner pocket, calling her shot. “Are you ready to perish, old man?” She said, lining up the shot.

“I’ll believe it when I see it, small fry.” 

It was then that Peridot realized that she was a little bit drunk. 

She took the shot, knowing right away that she had fucked it right up. The cue ball hit the 8 ball at the wrong angle and at much too high a speed, sending it bouncing around the table. Peridot gulped. Silence descended on the corner booth, which had been giving Lapis a sort of friendly interrogation while Peridot was engaged in heated battle. And then, at a miserably slow roll, the 8 ball dropped into one of the center pockets. She had messed up the call and lost in the most spectacularly painful way possible.

The group went into an uproar while Peridot melted to the floor, groaning, leaning her forehead against the pool table. 

“What was that about my inevitable defeat, shrimp basket?” Smiley said, rubbing it in and striking a pose. Peridot glared up at him from her position on the floor. A hand on her shoulder redirected her attention. It was Lapis, holding a pool cue. She pulled Peridot to her feet.

“I issue a second challenge. Teams. Winner is officially the most powerful couple,” she announced, pointing in a decidedly animesque way at Quentin and Harold. Peridot tried not to think about what it meant about her that she found the whole scenario incredibly hot.

Smiley narrowed his eyes like a cowboy ready to draw a pistol. “You’re on.”

Approximately ten minutes later, Lapis, with Peridot on support, had thoroughly trounced Quentin and Harold at pool. 

“Say it,” Lapis said, posing smugly, shoulders back, with a pool cue slung over her shoulder like a baseball bat. 

The other team stood there, stunned. Smiley cleared his throat, “You guys win, and are officially the most powerful couple,” he said, defeat written all over his face.

“Damn right,” she said, pulling Peridot to her side, her hand on her waist. Peridot felt almost high on pride and victory. 

Lapis turned to the table with dangerous eyes, “I’ve tasted blood. Who dares challenge me next?”

Barb jumped to her feet with her hand raised, challenging Lapis to a game of darts. Lapis gave Peridot a squeeze and left her. Peridot decided that it was a good time to start sobering up. She joined Quentin, Harold and Jamie at the bar, where they had migrated after the pool game. She ordered a water and sipped at it, watching Lapis and Barbara talk like old friends while they tossed the tiny, pointy safety hazards called darts. 

This was nice. It seemed like Lapis was having a great time, all of her initial bashfulness dissolved. It wasn’t hard to like this particular group of people, but Peridot was glad Lapis had settled in so swiftly and so thoroughly. She felt herself smile. God, her girlfriend never stopped amazing her.

“Ah, young love, is there anything more sweet?” Jamie said, apparently catching Peridot’s sappy expression. 

“I remember when Harold and I first met. I would look at him the same way. How long ago that seems…” Quentin added. 

Peridot flushed. “Shut up, guys.”

They all chuckled, knowing there was no actual venom behind anything Peridot ever said to them. “We’re just happy for you, Peri! Lapis lives up to the high expectations you gave us,” Smiley said, patting her shoulder. 

“Yeah,” she replied, “she’s kind of great.”

Peridot let them chat between themselves while she continued watching the dart game. The blue-haired girl was snorting at something Barbara was talking about at length, face animated. If Peridot had to guess, Barb had found a way to bring up her daughter. Lapis was taking in the conversation with the same patient amusement she always wore when she listened to someone talk about something they were passionate about, saying just enough to keep her conversation partner going. How did she do that? How did she do anything she did?

“Hey, Harold, Quentin?” Peridot heard herself ask.

“Yes?” Quentin answered, and Smiley nodded to show he was paying attention.

“How long have you guys been together?” 

“Oh, over a decade by now! Why do you ask, little sis?” Smiley replied.

Peridot took a deep breath through her nose. “I was just wondering… how did you guys know?”

The raised their eyebrows. “Know what?”

“You know… KNOW.” She gestured towards Lapis, her eyes flickering from the couple to the ground and back.

“Ohhhhh,” Smiley said, getting it, “well, I was a little slow to pick up on my fate, huh, Frowney?”

Quentin smiled his perennially melancholy smile, “yes, he was quite oblivious to my affections for quite a while. But I knew nearly right away, as soon as I saw him at that open mic, that I wanted to spend the rest of my life seeing that smile.”

Smiley gave him a light punch, “Oh, stop, you,” he said, winking. “Honestly, at first, Quent drove me crazy! I just wanted him to lighten up, but then I got to know him. That’s when I realized that this was the person I wanted to drive me crazy for the rest of my life!” Harold laughed in a booming way. Peridot caught them tangling their hands together under the bar. 

“You’re really serious about this girl, aren’t you, asking questions like that?” Smiley said, his voice uncharacteristically quiet. Which meant it was at a normal speaking volume, really. 

Peridot fidgeted with the hem of her shirt. “Yeah, I guess I am. Is that silly? Is it too soon to be thinking about stuff like that?”

“Silly! Psh! I think it’s incredibly romantic, Peridot!” Jamie chimed in. His opinion on romance didn’t count for much to Peridot, unfortunately. Not after the few times he was convinced he had found his soulmate after bumping into a stranger in the city. 

“Who knows what’s too early and too late.” Quentin replied.

Harold nodded and shrugged. “I think you’d know the answer to that more than we would. But when you figure it out, I want an invitation to the wedding!” His smile was 1000 watts. 

“Ouugh,” Peridot flinched. “It is decidedly too soon for that. I think she’d run for the hills if I came near her with an engagement ring.”

A hubbub broke out on the other end of the bar. Apparently, the game of darts had just ended. Amy was practically leading a cheer, while Barb groaned and hollered about how back in the day she would have swept the floor with the blue-haired young lady. Lapis accepted her defeat with one part quiet dignity and one part obvious delight. The group migrated to the bar to regroup the party. 

Lapis danced over to Peridot and leaned on her shoulder. Peridot’s heart did acrobatics, realizing that, from her seat on the stool, she was taller than Lapis, who was looking up at her with a smile in her eyes. “Hey, Peri, I think I discovered something I like more than drinking.”

“What’s that?” Peridot said, missing the opportunity for some five star snarking. She was too distracted.

“Using my sharp wits and reflexes to beat people at bar games. Especially you drunk fools,” she said, grinning at Quentin and Harold. “What’re you guys talking about?”

“Uhhhh,” Peridot stammered.

“Birthday presents!” Smiley said, saving her with a swift lie. “Peridot told us your birthday was coming up, and was asking us some advice. From where I’m standing, P, I think she wouldn’t mind that last one you mentioned, though you’re right, it might be better for a different holiday.”

The last one she mentioned? Peridot tried to figure out what he meant, since they had not at all been talking about birthday gifts. Oh. She had been talking about a ring. An engagement ring. “You, uh, really think so?”

Lapis wrapped her arms around Peridot’s middle. “You don’t have to get me anything, dweeb, lets just do something fun together.”

Smiley gave Peridot a look that said a thousand words. “I do.”

She blushed. Curse these people and their idealism and their romantic notions about life. Her friends were giving her ideas. Dangerous ideas that were going to fester in her mind until she did something about them. They should be glad that she loved them so damn much, because otherwise, there would be blood and swearing and broken bones in the bar tonight. Peridot was glad she loved them, too, because she couldn’t afford to pay for the damages, and still buy the ri—

Oh god. It was already too late.

She returned to the groups conversation, determined to not let this ruin her night and become Mission Ask Lapis Out 2: Electric Boogaloo. Smiley had suggested a different holiday. Well, if she took his advice, she wouldn’t have to think about it until Christmas. Ah, that was nice and far away. No need to rush the plot.

Besides, she rather liked taking her time with this story.

\----

“Hey, Peridot,” Lapis said, as they climbed into their Uber at the end of the night after some warm goodbyes and several invitations for Lapis to join them some other time. 

“Yes?”

“Thanks for letting me come. That was really fun; your friends are amazing.”

Her heart warmed. “Of course they are, they’re MY friends.” She used the rare opportunity of being in the backseat of a car with Lapis to slide as close to her girlfriend as possible. 

Lapis rolled her eyes and rested her hand on Peridot’s knee. “I should warn you, I got Barbara’s number, and we’re going to be best friends.”

“Hm, does that mean you’ll be gone more often?”

“Yes. Me and Barb are gonna raise hell across the state. I’ll keep an envelope of bail money under my mattress, just in case.”

“The whole apartment to myself again…” Peridot rubbed her hands together, “time to break out the weird porn.”

“... now I’m worried you wouldn’t come to bail me out.”

Peridot leaned against her girlfriend. “Hey, spending a night in jail is like, a character building experience. I’d be doing you a favor.”

Lapis leaned back, “What if I leave you for a bad girl with a neck tattoo? You’re gonna leave me there all alone, nothing to do, no way to pass the time...”

“Wouldn’t Barbara be there too? Watching you whore it up? Have you no shame?”

“Hmmm, now that you mention it, an experienced woman like Barb…”

She peppered Lapis with a series of light slaps. “Bad! No seducing my friends!”

Lapis snorted and immobilized Peridot’s wrists. She leaned in close, “Never. I already seduced the sexiest failed improv performer in the city.”

That was a mixed compliment, but it melted her anyway. 

In the front seat, the Uber driver cleared her throat, reminding them that she was very much right there, and could hear all of this. They’d have to give her a good review for this. 

Peridot decided to behave. “I, uhm, I’m glad you came with me tonight, by the way. Everybody loved you.”

“Good,” Lapis said, releasing Peridot’s hands. “I have allies on the inside now. Good luck if you ever try to talk to them about leaving me.” 

“Why would I do that?”

Lapis hmmed, thinking. “Maybe I left out eight half-empty coffee cups. Either way, it’s good to have insurance. I’ve effectively trapped you forever!”

“Forever?” Peridot said, her voice coming out much calmer than she felt. “Oh god, help me.”

A yawn possessed Lapis before she could retort. She leaned her head on Peridot’s shoulder, as best she could in the confined space and with the height difference between them. “Too late. You did this to yourself,” she murmured, closing her eyes. 

Peridot went quiet, both to let Lapis catch a little sleep and so she could lose herself in thought. It had been an eventful night. She daydreamed about what they would do for Lapis’s approaching birthday.

She had a few good ideas...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many shippers on deck up in here, jeez, calm down everyone


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday, Lapis

Peridot dragged the wicker basket and blanket with her through the brush, risking a few scratches to find a secluded enough spot along the nature trails that wound through the park. This had to be perfect.

“Is this necessary?” Lapis called behind her, looking absolutely stunning in skinny jeans and a pair of black boots. Peridot didn't know how she managed to look even sexier in fall fashion than when she was wearing next to nothing in the summer sun. But she couldn't dwell on that, she was on a mission. 

“Yes, Lapis, since you insisted that I didn't surprise you with a birthday gift, I’m treating you to the most thoughtful and romantic date money can’t buy. And that requires a shady forest glen.”

Lapis smiled and rolled her eyes. “Aye aye, captain.”

They muscled their way through a particularly frisky shrub and came into a clearing. This was it. Soft grass. The perfect dappled-sunlight-to-shade ratio. Enough plant life around them to muffle the sounds of cars on the nearby road and chattering park-goers. Peridot grinned. She'd outdone herself. “This will do.”

Lapis pulled the blanket out from under Peridot’s arm and snapped it open, letting it fall onto the grass where it floated atop the springy blades. She flopped down onto the blanket, creating a crater where she crushed down the vegetation. Lapis’s hand patted the space beside her, inviting Peridot to join her.

“Why won’t you let me properly woo you, witch,” Peridot said, crossing her arms and pouting. It was _her_ job to lay out the blanket. 

Lapis pulled her down and onto the blanket by a belt loop. “You already did. I thought I’d save you the effort.”

“Harumph.” Peridot defiantly dove into their authentic picnic basket, which Steven had supplied, because, well, of course he had an authentic picnic basket. At least Lapis couldn’t rob her of the romantic opportunity to pass her a sandwich and a thermos of that evil tonic water concoction that Barb had introduced to her. 

Lapis greedily snatched the offering with a cheesy smile.

“Save room for cake,” Peridot said, digging into the basket for her own lunch and much more palatable drink.

“Oh no,” Lapis mumbled through a mouthful of sandwich, “god help us, you baked something?”

“I resent your tone!” Peridot crowed. Lapis was not at all doing her part to create the proper atmosphere. “And no, Steven had a friend of his bake it for me…”

Lapis breathed a huge, heavy sigh of relief. 

Peridot flopped backwards onto the blanket and answered with her own sigh: one that was exasperated, long-suffering, and spoke of eons of torment.

“Aw, babe,” Lapis said, shifting her tone, “what’s wrong?”

Peridot crossed her arms. “Nothing.”

Lapis leaned down and started laying kisses on one of Peridot’s cheeks. A smile tried to creep onto Peridot’s face, but it was wrestled to submission. “Nothing? Than why do you look so adorably grumpy?”

“I’m not adorable,” Peridot grumbled, half-heartedly pushing Lapis away. 

Lapis chuckled. “Is it ‘cuz I’m not appreciating your birthday date properly? Because it’s lovely.” She began punctuating each of her words with ticklish smooches against the side of Peridot’s face. “It’s. Thoughtful. And. Romantic. And. Very. You.”

The smaller woman broke into idiotic giggles. Damnit. “Devil woman!” Peridot screamed, sitting up and pushing Lapis away by her shoulders. She felt her cheeks strain from the width of her smile. It was a happy defeat. 

Lapis laughed a victorious laugh and leaned against her, shoulder to shoulder. “Seriously, though, thank you, this is a good birthday present.”

Her pulse kicked up just a few notches. “There’s more to the present.”

Blue eyes looked at her with interest, “Oh?” 

With a steadying breath, Peridot reached into the picnic basket and pulled out a stack of notebooks. “I was gonna… read some things to you.” 

Lapis reached forward, attempting to put a hand on one of the notebooks. “I didn’t know you wrote,” she said, a little surprise and fascination in her voice.

Instinctively, Peridot lifted the notebooks out of her reach. “They’re just journals, and no touching! These are my sacred, private tomes!”

If Lapis had a heart, Peridot would have sworn she just saw it melt, “Aw, you keep a diary?”

“A journal,” Peridot corrected, feeling her embarrassment warm her cheeks. “I thought it would be, I dunno, nostalgic and sweet, or something, to read some old entries I wrote about you.”

Lapis leaned forward, her elbows on her knees and her chin on her forearms, and looked at Peridot with an expression she couldn’t find words to describe. “Adorable,” she murmured. “I’m listening.”

Peridot grumbled, again, that she wasn’t adorable, then cleared her throat. “Okay, I’ll start with the first time we met. Seems appropriate, right?” Lapis nodded. Peridot began:

“Today I met Lapis Lazuli, the woman Steven had rather enthusiastically insisted would be the answer to all my problems, and, also, my new best friend in the entire world. These statements are only slightly paraphrased. I was extremely skeptical. The prospect of sacrificing my personal time and space, all for the benefit of making rent a little less painful, was not one I had entirely committed to at the time. But, Steven being Steven, I was helpless to resist giving this mystery woman of his a chance. 

And so, they arrived at my door. My first impression was, actually, quite positive. I do not consider gut feelings to have much weight when it comes to important decisions, such as, for instance, choosing a roommate, but there was something about her that I found somewhat disarming. Which is saying something, considering my rampant dislike for most people.

But I am rambling. Moments later, it became clear that this initial positive regard I felt for her was not mutual. In fact, I got the sense that she found me outright distasteful. She even refused my handshake. It was a little bit rude. I choose to assume she isn’t a touchy person. Shortly after she arrived, she said that she couldn’t make the roommate arrangement work. In the moment, I was honestly a little disappointed. Maybe Steven’s glowing reviews about her had gotten to me.

But then, she met Pumpkin.

Steven’s new friend Lapis Lazuli is, apparently, an incurable sap when it comes to animals of the fluffy variety. I think I witness someone fall in love today; I heard the fluttering of Cupid’s wings at the edge of my hearing. It was… endearing. Soon after, she agreed to become roommates. An impulsive decision on both our parts, perhaps, but I am not yet calling it a poor one…”

Peridot looked up, sheepishly searching Lapis’s face for her reaction. Lapis broke out in a grin. “Aw, you liiiiiked me!” She sang. 

“Yes, I did. It was the worst mistake of my life,” Peridot quipped. She felt Lapis’s hand on her knee.

“Will you read me some more?” 

A part of Peridot was boggled. She had halfway expected this goofy idea of hers to fall flat. Or just result in her getting teased, which would have been fun, in its own way. Roasting each other was one of their favorite pastimes, of course. But Lapis seemed… genuinely interested? Peridot swallowed. Somehow, the fact that this was being taken seriously made sharing her private thoughts even more frightening.

“Uh,” Peridot replied, “the rest of that entry isn't very interesting. It's just me talking about our roommate rules. Do you have a… request? Or something?”

“Hmmm,” Lapis hummed, “how about… oh, man, do the entry after our first kiss.”

“Oof.” Peridot grabbed another notebook and started flipping through. Ah, there it was. It was rather easy to find. “Here.” Peridot turned the notebook towards Lapis, revealing that night’s entry, which consisted of only one word, scrawled large:

“Aaaaaa-  
aaaaaa-  
aaaaaah!”

Lapis doubled over, wheezing.

“This is a record of my dying breath, after my sudden, cold-blooded murder, and you’re having a laugh at it. So cruel, Lazuli.”

Lapis wiped a tear from her eye, “Oh man, heh, I can’t even imagine. I did kind of kiss you out of nowhere.”

The memories were still vivid. “Yes, you did. I had no idea you felt any kind of attraction towards me, and then, suddenly, you’re practically crawling into my lap. I wonder, sometimes, how close I came to being taken, there on the couch, without so much as a nice dinner first. There weren’t even flowers, or a single sweet nothing. You’re shameless.”

Lapis shot her a suggestive look, “I don’t remember you complaining. In fact, if memory serves, it was a rather innocent kiss, up until you shoved your tongue in my mouth. Really, if anybody was eager...”

“Anyway, what should I read next,” she blurted, changing the subject. 

Lapis snorted sardonically. “Oh, I know what you should read,” she said, tilting her head and smirking mischievously. Oh no. “Do you have an entry of when… well,” her play-acted cruelty faltered. “You figured it out? That night, it sounded like it might have been a while.”

The sentence was rather ineloquent, but Peridot got her meaning. “Oh… yeah, I have something like that.” Peridot returned to the first notebook, thumbing through. She almost couldn’t believe she was doing this, reading this particular entry out loud. “It goes without saying that you are forbidden from sharing any of this with anyone, ever.”

“I’d never,” she said, relaxing backwards into a lounging position, absentmindedly drawing shapes on Peridot’s back as a small, almost habitual show of affection. Goosebumps raised on Peridot’s arms. She took a deep breath.

“I have not been entirely truthful in my journals. My journals: the place where I am supposed to be entirely myself, safe from any judgment or embarrassment or self-censorship. And yet, I have been hiding things from them. In honesty, I have been hiding things from myself, in a sort of layers-deep denial, as if refusal to acknowledge the truth would make it not so. 

But that is not how the truth works. So here it is:

I am, without a doubt, falling hard for Lapis Lazuli.

How did this happen? I try to remember when it all started, pouring over old entries for clues, but I cannot pinpoint it. Somehow, I was oblivious. Or maybe it snuck up on me, slowly, like an assassin in the night. At the time, I didn’t even think to watch out for it. A year ago, if someone had told me I would be in the throes of romantic passion, I would have laughed in their face. A trite statement, sure, but a true one. Peridot does not catch feelings, I would have said, she is independent, rational, and sees no value in spending all the time and energy that would be required for a romantic relationship on another person. Those sort of things are not in the stars for Peridot.

It seems I had a very, very wrong idea about myself. Because here I am, spending quite a bit of time and energy just _imagining the possibility_ of a romantic relationship. And I cannot make it stop. No amount of distraction can steer my mind away from her for long. One of the most frequent intrusive fantasies plaguing me has been about holding Lapis’s hand. _Holding her hand_. I am a grown adult. Why.

But I can’t blame myself. If there was anyone worth feeling these confusing, painful, exhilarating feelings for, it’s Lapis Lazuli.

I’ve been staring at this line of the journal for some time now, trying to choose the right words, trying not to just start listing all the synonyms for ‘good’ as a way of describing her, and my feelings for her. Stunning, breathtaking, wondrous … they’re all overused; they’ve lost the potency of their meanings in Hallmark cards and bad rom-coms. Any words I could write would be paltry offerings, but I will try, anyway: Lapis makes me want to dance, even though I don’t like dancing. She makes me like myself, truly, and not just in comparison to my dismal competition, other people. Her ridiculous laugh is music to me. The sleepy, morning-time circles under her eyes make me want to write sonnets. If Lapis asked for anything, really, anything, I would probably do it, bending over backwards shamelessly, shredding any ounce of pride I have left in the process, and I would enjoy it the entire time. It’s a kind of insanity. I think that’s why they call it falling, since it feels very much like I am hurtling at high velocity towards that metaphorical rock bottom, crash sensors blaring at me that I need to pull up, that all systems are malfunctioning, and that collision is imminent, etcetera. 

But it’s far too late to stop it. 

And the most mixed up, senseless part of it is… I don’t think I want it to.”

Peridot coughed, “There’s more, but I think you get it.” Her heart thudded in her ears. She had laid herself bare, reading that, something that she had deliberately wrote to be vulnerable, and truthful, and for no one’s eyes but herself. Sure, she had lavished Lapis with praise, and confessions of love, and all the non-verbal affection she would accept, but, this… Timidly, she turned to catch the expression on Lapis’s face.

“Peridot,” she breathed, her face serious, eyebrows turned up in the middle and pinched, her lips parted. She rolled upright and cupped Peridot’s face in both her hands, blue eyes nearly crossing from looking into hers from such a close distance. “That was beautiful.”

Something warm and soft and overwhelming filled Peridot’s chest. “I, no, it’s silly, I—”

“No, it’s beautiful. You should be a writer. You _are_ a writer. I just—” Her mouth twerked upwards and sideways, a wry smile, “how could I ever deserve you?”

A strangled note of panic bubbled out of Peridot’s throat, “Of course you do, Lapis, you’re—”

Lapis cut her off with a tilt of her head and a wider smile, “I’m not cutting myself down, I’m just... Peridot, how could anybody ever deserve you?”

There was no possible response, not in the wake of that statement, not after the way Lapis said it. Peridot sat there, speechless, paralyzed. 

“Peri?”

Peri gurgled.

Lapis laughed and planted a kiss against her forehead. “You know, you’re pretty good at dates.”

“Oh,” Peridot said, rediscovering one syllable words. “Good.”

A hand laid on top of Peridot's where they rested on the notebook in her lap. “I’m not so good at heartfelt statements, but I really hope I’m in more of these journals.” She bit her lip, “A lot more.”

Peridot disagreed: Lapis was amazing at heartfelt statements. She was amazing at everything. “Me too,” she said, gaining access to one more syllable.

Lapis’s lips met hers for a brief moment. She could feel the curl of her smile. “Good.” 

Peridot started mentally planning their next date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the delay was worth the wait, fellas, I pulled no punches with the sap


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steven and Peridot hang out

“Thanks for coming with me to the mall, Peridot,” Steven said, beaming with cinnamon sugar smeared all over his face from the soft pretzel he had purchased and was currently dipping in a criminal amount of frosting. It made Peridot’s teeth hurt to watch.

“Oh, you know, what’re friends for?” She replied, hugging the bag containing her new dvd box set of the third season of the X-files to her chest under the table. “I am willing to make the occasional sacrifice.” 

Steven giggled and stuffed the last bit of his carbohydrate monstrosity into his mouth. “Peridot!” he shouted, voice muffled. He swallowed with visible effort. “I know what we should do next!”

“What’s that?” She felt the slightest bit apprehensive. And not just because she caught a few notes of holiday music drifting over to the food court from one of the large department stores. It wasn’t even Thanksgiving yet...

He grinned like a fox and pointed over her shoulder. She twisted.

“Glow putt putt?”

“No! I mean, okay, I kind of want to do that too, now. But I was pointing at the kiosk!” He gestured again, more emphatically, at the little standalone booth parked in front of Cyber Putt. A bored looking teen stood behind the counter, scrolling through his phone. Around him were glass display cases of various shapes and sizes, including a few of those upright ones that spun so you could browse through each of the three faces. Beside the booth sat a sort of leather chair that looked like it could be reclined.

“Oh no. No no no no no.”

Steven somehow grinned harder. “I’ve always wanted to get my ears pierced, but I didn’t want to do it by myself…” He put on a pout. “Your ears aren’t already pierced are they, Peridot?” 

They weren’t. She clapped her hands over the sides of head. “Nope. No way. Piercings are painful, and unsanitary, and—”

Steven’s face fell. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. I don’t want to pressure you.” He smiled. It was forced. “So, putt putt?”

Peridot gritted her teeth. Oh no. He was disappointed. Her Steven was disappointed. And he was trying his best to hide it, too, reassuring her that he didn’t want her to do anything she didn’t want to do, which somehow made it so much worse. He was so pure, so kind, a metaphorical diamond in this rough, rough world. She felt his small sadness like a physical pain. “Okay, let’s do it.”

“Awesome, I call dibs on the pink golf ball,” he replied, gathering his things.

“I wasn’t talking about the putt putt,” she corrected, a silent scream echoing through her mind. 

He puzzled over that for a moment, and then realization dawned on him like the sunrise coming over the horizon. A happy squeal threatened the integrity of her eardrums. “You mean it?”

A genuine smile surprised her by settling on her face. She nodded. “I mean it.”

And so, saying a mental goodbye to the sanctity of her earlobes, she stood up from her chair.

\---

Steven tilted his head to the side and took yet another selfie. She had lost count approximately five minutes ago. “I love them! Ahh! I love them I love them I love them!”

Peridot tenderly fiddled with her own new silvery studs. She didn’t… hate them. Watching his face light up the first time he looked in the mirror had made all the pain and possible mall-piercing-diseases worth it. She wondered how Lapis would react to her new metal modifications. 

He gasped. “Peri! Let’s go in there! I want to buy some earrings!” He danced beside her, holding her hand and slowly drifting towards the jewelry store as if pulled by gravity. 

“You’re supposed to keep your starter studs in for six weeks before you switch them,” she recited. She now had encyclopedic knowledge about proper piercing care, thanks to an anxious smartphone research session. 

“Yeah, but I’m excited!” He yodeled, tugging just a little harder. She relented to his whims for the umpteenth time that day, wondering when she was going to finally earn her Best Gay Aunt coffee mug. If that wasn’t one of her presents this year, so help her...

They entered the brightly lit store and Steven skipped away, somehow immediately finding a display case of heart shaped jewelry. Man, it must be nice to have a rich dad, she mused, glancing at a few price tags. This place wasn’t so upscale that the workers were in ties, but human beings certainly placed a lot of value on fancy shiny things. Peridot hoped it wasn't tacky to keep her cheap studs forever.

“This one is pink!” Steven gasped. She chuckled and idly perused the display cases. 

And then she saw it.

“Oh no.”

“What’s wrong?” Steven called, making his way over to her, only tripping slightly on the bag of dvds she had dropped on the floor. 

Peridot pinched the bridge of her nose. “It’s perfect,” she groaned. This was hell.

He turned to the display case. “Oh my gosh.” He turned to her and pointed with awe in his voice. “That one?”

The very one. The fact that he immediately knew which one she was talking about only cemented her certainty that the universe had crafted this object specifically for her. What had she done to deserve this cosmic punishment? Had she burned down an orphanage at some point? She’d probably remember doing that, but there had to be some sort of karmic reason for all of the pieces to fall into place, landing her in front of this particular display case, at this particular time, with this particular company. 

“Are you going to buy it?” He asked, stars in his eyes.

She looked at the price tag. She could afford it. She’d been saving up to afford it. Fuck. “I…” 

“Is there something I can help you with?” The clerk, or rather, one of Satan’s inner circle, offered, holding up a ring of keys. “Anything you’d like to take a closer look at?”

Peridot gurgled. Steven took the reigns. “Yes, can we see this one please?” He pointed. The employee retrieved it and set it on the counter. Hollowly, Peridot lifted it out of its box, turning it in the light, watching the stone glint in its setting. 

“Wow,” Steven breathed. He turned to the employee. “Do you guys do custom stuff? Like, if my friend wanted another one that matched, but was a little different?” The clerk answered in the affirmative. 

“Steven, I don’t know if I can afford two…”

He turned to her with fierce conviction. “But they’re engagement rings, Peri! They’re a symbol of everlasting connection! You gotta get a set!”

Engagement rings. The words echoed in her head. That’s what these were. That’s what she was seriously considering buying right now. Engagement rings. That was so real. The possibility had been abstract before, but now it was sitting here, solid and surprisingly heavy, resting in the palm of her hand. 

The clerk cleared their throat. “Do you know what you’d like the matching ring to look like? I can get you an estimate if you are concerned about the price.”

“Yes,” Peridot said, delivering a description of what she wanted as if from a trance. The clerk nodded and started producing an estimate, clacking away at at tablet screen.

Steven tugged at her sleeve. She looked down. “Peridot, that’s so good.” 

“Yeah,” she said, licking her dry lips. It had just… made sense. She took a sharp breath. “This… this is too soon, Steven. I don’t know if I can go through with this. I don’t know if she would want this.”

He looked at her with compassion and wisdom beyond his years. “Do you want this?”

In surprise, she blinked back the sting of emotion in her eyes. “Yeah, I do. Like, I really, really do.”

The clerk presented the tablet to the pair, looking just a little bit embarrassed by the heart to heart that was taking place in front of them. “This is, uh, the price for the two rings together.”

Peridot pulled at her hair and whined.

A hand rested on her shoulder. She turned. It was Steven. She braced herself for a rousing speech about following your heart, or the power of love, or something about life on Earth being short, so you should do your best to make it a wonderful journey. But none of that came. He just looked at her, with steady acceptance and affection, waiting with infinite patience for her to decide her next course of action, ready to support and understand her no matter which choice she made. 

She turned away, considering the ring in her palm. As far as romantic rituals go, she had always found engagement rings to be a little materialistic, especially since the money that went into them could be easily spent elsewhere. But she was drawn to this simple band and the gem sitting upon it. Experimentally, she slid it on her finger. It was slightly too big, but that could be fixed. She held it close, admiring the detail of the simple etching that flanked the stone and made the ring unique without also making it showy. Just like Lapis. Unique, but not showy. Well, besides the blue hair. Peridot realized she wanted this ring to be hers.

“I’ll take them.”

The noise Steven made was not quite a human noise. “Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, I’m so happy to be part of this moment. This is really happening. Oh wow.” He babbled.

Peridot gave the clerk the relevant information and handed them her credit card. “I think you were supposed to be here. You introduced us,” she said, infinitely grateful for that fact. With a beep, and the mechanical sound of a receipt printer, it was finalized. 

“Can I… can I come with you to pick them up when they’re finished?”

“I thought that went without saying,” she said, accepting back her card and the piece of paper. Steven made another inhuman noise.

They left the store, Steven completely distracted from his previous mission of buying himself some new earrings, and Peridot feeling a little bit like she needed to sit down. They found a bench and fell onto it. Peridot sighed. She felt all kinds of light. Light-headed, light in the wallet, and just… light, a sort of weightless feeling settling in her chest. 

“When are you going to do it?” Steven asked, kicking his legs where they dangled. He was still short enough to do that, even though he was due for high school in less than a year. It was pretty cute.

“Propose?” Peridot said, the dizzy feeling increasing when she said the word. “I don't know. Not anytime soon, but when I do, I feel like it would be more Lapis’s style if it were spontaneous.”

“You guys,” Steven cooed, “are so in love, it's ridiculous.

Peridot scratched at her cheek and leaned away. “Shut up.” 

Suddenly, Peridot found herself wrapped in a rib-creaking hug. “I’m so glad I met you, Peri! I love you and Lapis so much!”

Peridot looked back on her history, remembering all her nonsense, all the instability that landed her in the clinic, and Steven’s guest bedroom, and, eventually, the apartment that she now shared with the woman she had just made plans to possibly spend the remainder of her life with with. She wrapped him in an ungainly but genuine side-hug. God damnit, she was so glad she got to meet him, too. “I love you too, Steven.”

“If you don’t tell me every single detail of the proposal after it happens, I’ll—I’ll cry!”

She chuckled. “I’ll tell you every single detail. And I'll make sure Lapis is there, too, so we can watch her blush the whole time.”

He squeezed her even harder. Something popped. “Deal.”

By the end of December, Lapis and Peridot had two new matching coffee cups in their cupboard. In only slightly messy paint, surrounded by a lot of hearts and flowers, were four words: "World's Best Gay Aunt". The mugs sparked frequent arguments about which one of them was the One True best aunt, but, even so, they were their most prized material possessions. 'Well,' Peridot thought to herself one evening, checking on the pair of rings she had hidden among her journals, 'maybe, sometime soon, it would be a tie.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if you guys have noticed, but I love Steven. 
> 
> P.S. Lapis liked the earrings.


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Strap in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're back to Lapis's POV

Lapis Lazuli could not quite believe this was happening.

The man behind the counter handed it to her like it was nothing. He didn't congratulate her. He didn't press a button that released buckets of confetti from the ceiling. Hell, he barely even made eye contact.

He just handed her the slip of paper, said, "Here's your temporary license. Your permanent card will come in the mail within 2 to 4 weeks," and then, "Next."

Lapis Lazuli  
Hgt 5'-3"  
Wgt 115…

She read the paper over and over like a mantra.

Peridot put a hand on her shoulder and steered her away from the counter. She was holding up the line. 

"I know this is a significant moment for you, but unless you're going to break into a song and dance number, I'm going to ask that we leave this hellish temple to inconvenience and tedium immediately," Peridot said. 

Lapis just tangled her hand in her girlfriend's and let her lead her to the car. She didn't want to look up from the paper for the trivial purpose of walking.

Peridot parked her by the the passenger door, seemed to think a moment, and then opened the door for her. She kissed her on the cheek, snarked, "Don't get used to this," and disappeared from her side. Lapis slid into the passenger seat. Her hand automatically rested on the middle console, palm up, waiting.

A few moments later, and Peridot's hand was rested in hers.

"Hey, love?" Peridot said, pulling out of the parking space. Lapis finally lifted her eyes.

"Hm?"

"Congratulations." 

Lapis felt warmth flutter in her chest. She marveled at the fact that Peridot's unfaltering support still gave her butterflies. "Thanks."

"So, what're you going to do now that you're a probation-free and licensed citizen? Should I be driving to a car lot?"

"Hmm, nah. You know, I spent that whole year wishing I had a car, but now that it's reality, I fear I have gotten too used to having you drive me all around town. You're like a little butler."

Peridot groaned. "I'm going to start charging you." 

"What're your rates?"

"I believe the traditional system is 'ass, gas, or grass.'"

Lapis snorted. "There's something I can do now. Grass."

Peridot shook her head and clucked her tongue, as if she had never been more disappointed. "Lapis, dear heart, you know that neither of us are cool enough to procure drugs."

"You got me." She tapped a finger a few times against her chin, an evil thought coming into her mind. "Well, Steven just turned fifteen, maybe he can score for us?"

There was a noise of abject horror. "I have never before hated a sentence so violently in my life." Peridot's face was priceless.

Lapis was delighted. She let herself laugh a snorting, giggling laugh, reveling in the power of her own smartassery. Once she recovered, she leaned back in her chair with a happy sigh. "This is the happiest day of my life." 

It was a joke, at first. But realization struck her that it was. Somehow, it really, really was. 

And she had been so scared about today. Scared of facing life without a therapist, without monthly drug tests to keep her straight, without a bouncer that would refuse her entry to a bar full of her personal vices. She hadn't forgotten about those things. Of course not. She had thought about alcohol today. She'd even noticed a liquor store. But she had expected it, watched the craving come, and watched it go with the lazy sureness of long practice. Garnet was a miracle worker.

"The happiest day of your life?" Peridot said, "Even though you spent most of it at the DMV?"

Lapis gazed out the window. "Yes," she said. She HAD spent most of the day at the DMV. But she had spent most of the day at the DMV with Peridot. 

They had been by far the most obnoxious people there, cracking jokes, exchanging well-crafted insults, and making fun of the other poor souls that were trapped in the line with them, in snickering whispers that must have made it pretty obvious. 

But she hadn't cared about the eyerolls, or the long lines, or the slightly dizzy feeling that increased as the number of people in front of her in line dwindled. How did Peridot do that? Make unbearable things better through her mere presence? 

It had been a habit of Lapis's for… about the past year, really, to find herself boggling at her life circumstances. But, recently, a lot of her boggling had been about her and Peridot. How did this even happen? Why was it so easy, lately? 

Intimacy had been so hard. She had felt like she didn't deserve it. She was too broken, too selfish, too fundamentally messed up by nature. But Peridot's steady assurance and her own journey of introspection had provided plenty of counter-arguments against her dismal self-esteem. But even then, no matter how much she wanted it, every step of her and Peridot’s relationship had felt like diving off a cliff without knowing if there was water at the bottom. 

Lapis pulled out her license again, reading it one more time. It felt like an obituary, or a memorial to a tragic disaster. A year ago, she thought she had lost her… well, everything. Her license, her dignity, her car. Her entire life plan, in tatters, as the result of a series of big mistakes and the flippant decision of a judge.

But it was also a happy symbol of her new life. A key to freedom and possibility, representing all the growth she had accomplished over the year. She was… really, really proud of herself.

Peridot ran her thumb over the side of Lapis's hand, catching her attention. Lapis glanced her way, catching her furrowing her brow as she dealt with the city traffic.

Lapis looked inside herself and found another metaphorical cliff, but, this time, she saw the water below, and it looked irresistibly inviting. 

"Peridot." 

"Yes?" She said, one part attentive, one part concentrating on parking the car. They had arrived at home. Peridot turned the key and removed it from the ignition.

“I—” Lapis slammed her mouth shut. No. No blurting. She was going to do this the right way. The Peridot way. She bolted out of the passenger door and practically slid across the hood of Peridot’s shitty car. 

“The hell? Lapis! Have you lost your—”

Lapis yanked open the driver side door and pulled Peridot to her feet. “Peridot, I wanna ask you something.”

She wobbled, looking concerned and frazzled by all the sudden excitement. “What could possibly be so urg—”

"Marry me.”

"What?" Peridot squeaked, her voice running up through an octave or two in a fraction of a second. 

Lapis realized with a start that she had forgotten a crucial detail. This wasn’t quite the Peridot way. She clasped one of Peridot's hands where it hovered in midair, frozen in place since Lapis had asked the question, and got down on one knee. "Marry me," she repeated, less quietly this time, more sure. Peridot's mouth fell open.

“Oh my god.” 

Lapis smiled up at her from where she knelt on the pavement, watching Peridot’s expression speak of disbelief and a sort of hesitant hope that nearly split Lapis’s heart in half. “I mean it,” she said, and the doubt slid off of Peridot’s face and was replaced by gobsmacked wonder.

“Oh my god,” she breathed again, her free hand sliding over her mouth in cartoonish shock.

Lapis couldn’t help it. She broke out in a fit of giggles and stood to wrap her arms around the ridiculous girl she loved so, so much. Peridot hunched against Lapis’s chest, apparently trying to hide.. Oh, how the tables had turned. “Are you going to marry me or not, you dweeb?”

Slowly, Peridot leaned back, slid her blushing face out of her hands, and pulled a little black box from one of her pockets. 

“You’re kidding,” Lapis gasped.

With a small smile, Peridot raise the box and flicked open the lid, revealing a silver ring inlaid with a single, triangular stone. A peridot.

“Holy shit,” Lapis breathed, unsteady hands accepting the tiny velvet box and its contents. Light glinted off the edges of the sharp, geometric etching around the tiny green gem. It was perfect. 

“I would absolutely love to marry you, Lapis,” she said. “Though I think you probably guessed that already.”

“When were you, how long did you—?” Lapis asked. She removed the ring from the box and Peridot gently snatched it from her. Lapis gaped at the band of bright metal as it was slid onto her finger.

“I’ve been waiting. I wasn’t going to ask, well, not today, but I brought the box just in case.” She laughed. “I never expected you to beat me to the proposal, though. Thief! This was my moment!”

“I should have known better. I’ve been outperformed. You had a ring...”

“Well,” Peridot smirked again, the red blotches on her cheeks still unfaded, and lifted the cushion out of the ring box. Something rattled. “Rings.”

“Motherfucker.”

She felt Peridot’s arms snake around her waist “Hey, that’s no way to speak to your fiancée.”

Lapis hid her face in her hands. This was a lot. So much. She said yes. They were getting married. She was wearing an engagement ring.

“Oh, stars, not this again. You literally just proposed to me, you goon.”

Her face was hot on her palms. And she had so recently had the upper hand. “Shut up.” 

“That’s it, the wedding’s off.”

Lapis peaked through her fingers. "Are we having an actual wedding? No eloping in Vegas?"

Peridot shuddered. “We have to have a ceremony, otherwise Steven would kill us. Literally. It would be his first violent act in life. He's more invested in our relationship than we are."

Lapis imagined Steven in a little tuxedo, with Connie as his plus one. Okay, they were definitely going to have a wedding. That is, if she could handle walking down an aisle towards Peridot in formal attire. Would she wear a dress? A suit? Oh god. Lapis went back to hiding. 

“Sap. Useless sap! I’m putting my ring on myself.”

“Hey,” Lapis snapped, resurfacing so she could yoink the box away from her partner. The other ring had a silver band like the other, but the stone and cut were different. It was the speckled blue of lapis lazuli, surrounded by a more organic etched design that reminded her of both ocean waves and bird’s wings. Oh, wow. “Why is it teardrop shaped?” She asked, sliding it on to the appropriate finger of Peridot’s left hand. 

“Because you’re a sad sack.”

“Ohh! I want a long engagement. I might change my mind.” The smile in Lapis’s voice betrayed her.

Peridot pulled Lapis down, bumping her forehead into hers. “I’ll wait.” She grinned. “You know, I’m wishing now that I hadn’t gone to the DMV with you.”

Lapis leaned into her. “How come?”

“Waiting in that line again for a new ID is going to suck when I get my name changed. What do you think? Peridot Lazuli? Or should I hyphenate?”

“Oh no,” Lapis clutched at her chest. “Why would you say that,” she groaned, feigning a heart attack and becoming dead weight in Peridot’s arms. Peridot grunted from the effort of holding her up. 

“Buffoon.”

“That’s it for me.”

“Stand up, you sentimental oaf.”

“I can’t, I’m dead. You’re a widow, now, dove. Tell our Pumpkin I love him.”

“We’re not married yet. I don’t even get to inherit your riches.”

“It’s better this way, I have only debt to offer you in my untimely passing.”

“Ugh. Get up, or I’m hiring a stripper for my bachelorette party!”

Lapis looked up. “You’re only having one stripper at your bachelorette party? Weak.”

Peridot dropped her. Lapis let herself slide to the pavement in a heap. 

“Betrayed by my betrothed,” she sighed, throwing an arm over her face. 

“Did you ask me to marry you just so you had fresh material for goofs?”

“Ha,” Lapis giggled, “that would’ve been funny.”

With an eye roll, Peridot pulled Lapis to her feet. “Just kiss me already, you idiot.” Her voice was warm.

So Lapis did. Gladly, ecstatically. She felt Peridot’s engagement ring catch lightly in her hair.

She had been wrong before, Lapis thought to herself. She hadn't lost her everything a year ago.

Because she hadn't met Peridot yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading my story, I can't describe how much I enjoyed writing it for you all <3


End file.
